Father's Love...A Must Read

Dear friends,

First of all, thank you all for spending your precious time in my site. As you know, I aim to provide as much resources as I can to support you in your pursuit towards your dreams, towards living the extraordinary life your truly deserve and to realise your purpose in life. While I can't give you everything, I would definitely do my very best.

For this post, I would like to present to you a gift. A gift of love. I would sincerely ask that you watch the below video and experience the POWER of a father's love for his son, and a son's determination to lead an extraordinary life. I would like you to see how Rick Hoyt has given his all and MORE to his disabled son and in the process, touching the lives of millions all over the world. For more information, you can visit this site :

http://www.teamhoyt.com/history.shtml



If you can't see it here, Copy and paste this link in your address bar. http://www.youtube.com/v/flRvsO8m_KI&hl=en

After the video, please take some time to also realise that our own parents have done the same for us all this while. Our own parents have always offered unconditional love to us. Think back, and you will know this is true.

So, remember this. Never stinge nor shy away from expressing your love to them. NEVER. Don't wait until it is too late and you start to have regrets.

Forgiveness...Forgive yourself first, before others.

This is a posting that is based on a topic given to me by one of my students who is now studying in Aussie. So here goes.

This could be the easiest and also the hardest thing that we can ever do in our life, whether is it to forgive your loved ones, your friends, colleagues, or even family members.

Why Easiest? Easiest because if it simply a choice that we can make. Hardest because it deals with our emotions and feelings.

BUT, forgiveness is possibly one of the greatest gift we have been bestowed upon. Through forgiveness, we gain freedom and empowerment. We are able to let go of all negative emotions and achieve even great results.

So, what is forgiveness? It is the willingness to forgive. So what is to forgive? There are many meanings given in the dictionary, but I like this one the most. It is "to cease to feel resentment against".

Yes, to forgive is to be able to let go of any resentment towards anyone, anything or any event. To let go of the hate, anger and bitterness. To let go of the negative.

Why is this important? Well, let me give you a simple example.

Imagine there is a person X. X holds alot of hate, resentment and anger towards Y. X feels the pain, shame, hurt and sorrow about it. While Y, who is totally clueless, feels totally indifferent towards X. Now, who is at the losing end?

In most cases, who gets hurt the most? (No prize for guessing, X of course.)

Stupid, you might say, but isn't that the truth about most of us? Most of the time, we are inflicting the same pain or damage to ourselves, either knowingly and unknowingly. So, aren't we the stupid one.

So, why is it that we find it so hard to forgive at times? The reasons are many. But the main reason is simply because of the way we view (context of) the event that happened.

Context would simply mean the way we look at the situation and thereafter, giving the situation a meaning.

Say when someone is betrayed (be it in business, love, friendship), that someone can "choose" to view the betrayal through the context that it is bad. He/she may see it as a breach of trust and having believed in the wrong person.

BUT, another person who have gone through the same situation could view it from a context that it is good. He/she may see it as a moment of truth where the true colours are seen and that he/she can move on to a better and more fulfilling life ahead with other more deserving people.

One real life example that I can give is the story of Mr Dave Peltzer. If you have read his books (The child named "it", or the Lost Boy), you would know that he has had a terrible terrible childhood where he was tortured, mentally, physically and emotionally by his "MOM". Yes, the one person that all of us would usually trust and love the most. But for him, his mom was the one person that has inflicted the most pain (such as making him eat feces, starving him, suffocating him, depriving him of sleep, oh, and almost killing him with a knife).

Imagine, what most people would do in his situation? Suicide? Destructive life of drugs, self mutilation, alcohol and hurt? Causing hurt to others? That would be the usual...if we choose to see it from "everyone's" context.

For Dave (though it did take a long while), he chose to pick himself up and move on. He became a famous author and through his training seminars, talks and books, he has impacted the many lives of those who needed help! Talk about looking through things from an entirely different context and giving it a different meaning.

So, as you can see, it is the same situation, but the different context and meaning that is given that makes one feel hurt or not.

The key is, CHOICE (if you paid attention earlier, you should know about this by now. hehe. :P). Where does this choice reside in? You! Where does this POWER of choice lies in? ___ (Please fill in the blank yourself).

You have always the choice to see things the way it is. Hard as it may seem, but you do. There are many ways to do it, and most importantly is, once you learn how to, you suddenly have a sense of empowerment and control over your own life. you will realise that all these while, you have always been blessed and loved.

Always remember, you deserve the best in life. You deserve more love. Your deserve great friends. You deserve a great career. You simply DESERVE. So, why not love yourself just a little bit more?

P.S

I can share with you alittle more about how to choose the context and meaning of every situation in your life in the near future. For now, let me just give you one simple "trick":

When you feel "hurt" or any negative feeling. Dissociate yourself from yourself. Imagine that you are now a director of your own life, looking at yourself, the people around you, the person who has "hurt" you and the things around you. Look at yourself from this "third" person's view. Do you notice that your negative feelings are lessened or even negated?

Once you are able to do this, start to look at and focus on the "positive" of the situation, such as the lessons learnt, the growth that you have achieved, the revelation of truth in the situation, the discovery of a new you, etc etc. All the good. Focus on those. How does that feel? Chances are, you would feel much better. How to continue from hereon, I will share with you some other time. Just use this simple exercise to get yourself on trck first, so that you can start to think more "logically" and not feel so bad about things. Get yourself out of the "state" first and soon, you find that you have more solutions around you.

Great Start To 2008! And All Years To Come!

Good day to all again. It has been almost 8 mths since I last blogged.

So here goes.

Update about what I had been doing over the past half year or so.

I have had a great 2007 (even with the challenges) and grown alot too. Physically, I am feeling great and have managed to achieve some wonderful results. :) In my work, I am on track and growing fast. Moving into the next level and in the process of getting two books out, one of fitness, the other on the training I am doing with Ernest. At home, all is well, and my folks are getting along fine (other than the sometimes quarrels and frustration, things are still going strong).

For 2008, I am looking forward to it. With the many challenges faced by the world, I am sure more opportunities will arise. And I am sure, this year will be great. :)

As a start of my series of writeups, I would like to just take this opportunity to thank a few people. My parents, my siblings for their support. My mentor, Shifu and boss, Ernest, for giving me the chance to grow and come back into the team. My colleagues too.

Which brings me back to this, when was the last time we have shown our gratitude and love to those around us? When was the last time you looked at your friends, relatives, parents and told them how much they mean to you? If it has been a long while, this would be a good time.

Start your year with gratitude, and I am sure, the whole year will be great for you.

No Man Will Change For The Better Until They See The Need For It!

"No Man Will Change For The Better UIntil They See The Need For it.

A fine quote from the greek philosopher, Socrates. And truly, words of wisdom it is.

Most of us, if not all, have had experience where we didn't do anything to change something, until the last minute when it is almost too late to change.

Let me give you some of the more extreme examples.

Be it smokers who finally decide to quit after they found that they have Cancer, or be it drinkers who finally decide to stop after they fo

und that they have liver problems, or be it drug abusers who finally decide to throw away the needle after they lose everything. Or be it people who finally decide to change after they almost lost their marriage, relationship or their loved ones. (of course, the less critical examples would be students who study at the last minute or pushing your work until the last moment before the report is due. :P) BUT THESE ARE THE LUCKY ONES. These people actually changed before it is too late. Most people don't even get the chance to. Actually, it is more like, MOST PEOPLE DON'T EVEN GIVE THEMSELVES THE CHANCE TO! (In case you didn’t notice, KEYWORD IS GIVE! :P)

Most people Blame, Give Excuses and Justify for their being in such a sad state. When they smoke, they blame peers whom influenced them to do so. When they drink, they give excuses that it is the stress from work and society that pushes them towards such vice. When the take drugs, they justify that it is their right to destroy their own body. These people have decided they don’t have the power to change, they have decided that they don’t have the choice and that they were born like that. The worst of the lot, are those that are in DENIAL. They claim to enjoy doing all those things while knowing all the hazards it brings. But the sad truth is, these people have already GIVEN UP. These people have already deprived themselves of their power, the power to choose.


(Maybe,my new quote should be, “MOST PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE FOR THE BETTER UNTIL THEY ARE DEAD…”.)

Once these people give up the power to choose, they have already given up on themselves completely. They accept the “fact” that life leads them, and not them leading life. They accept the “fact” that circumstances controls them, and not them controlling the circumstances. They accept the “fact” that the world is unfair. Isn’t this just sad?

Well, it is. Unfortunately, this happens all too often. I am sure you have seen people around you who are like that. I am sure you even have friends who are like that. I am sure that you are hurt as well.

But I am even sure that you can do something about it. The only question is to ask, “HOW?”.

Keen to find out? If you bug me enough, then I will write another blog. The only clue I can give for now is the power lies partly in you.

How to recover from a broken heart?

Why is it that many people, after a major break off often starts with crying their hearts out, becoming a nervous wreck, self mutilations, getting themselves drunk all night, losing sleep, hating themselves, etc. Some worse cases will get themselves into another relationship (REBOUND) and get into the same mess over again, afterwhich, start to lament how life is unfair to them, yada yada.

The truth to this is that, some of these people enjoy getting hurt and enjoy hurting themselves. Some enjoy the self pity part, or getting pity from others. Some just enjoy being the Victim. So, the chinese saying goes, "Ren Shi Jian De" or directly translated "Man/Woman is Cheap" (being fair to both sexes.:P), does state some truth about us.

But is that something that we should deal to ourselves? Is it really true that we are cheap as the saying goes? Well, the answer is of course, NO! To be honest, other than those whom are psychologically unstable or into Sado Machoism (SM), enjoy inflicting pain to themselves, the reason why so many of us hurt continually hurt ourselves in such a manner is simply because, WE DO NOT LOVE OURSELVES ENOUGH.

You may disagree, saying "yeah right". But it is true. Imagine this. Someone comes to your house, knocks on your door, and as you open the door, that person just gives your one tight slap on your face. What is the natural thing to do? Of course, you retaliate. You would either chase that person out, call the police, or beat the stuffing out of that person. Simply because, you know that you don't deserve to be treated like that, by that person. You love, treasure and respect yourself.

But those whom disregard, do not care about and not love themselves, would probably think that they deserve it, maybe it was something did that caused them to be in such a plight.

Now, shifing the scenario to relationships. You meet someone, that someone slowly opens you up to getting to know you better, and then he/she "slaps" you by leaving you. So what should be the natural thing to do? Again, you should retaliate. But in this case, the way to retaliate is of course, not to beat up the person (maybe you should), or take revenge (maybe you should too. If you are keen to learn the ways to exact revenge, mail me for more infor...hahaha, I am quite a genius at it.). If you truly love yourself, you know that you should take measures to prevent such "intrusions" again, as well as to get yourself healed properly. And of course, to find someone special that can protect you in future.

But in the case of people whom do not love themselves, or simply disregard themselves. Most probably, they would start to think, "Maybe I deserve to be treated this way?", "Maybe I did something wrong?", or worse still, "I think I deserve to be hurt more." These are people whom simply do not love themselves. And they end up hurting themselves even more by shutting their doors forever, repeating the "slap" in their mind again and again like an old movie, feeling the sorrow time and time again. They feel shiok like this.

So it all boils down to one thing, whether do we love ourselves or not. If we love ourselves, Hurt can be easily overcome. If we don't, Hurt will continue to haunt us until we finally learn to love ourselves or until we die. That's why, what I am going to suggest, for people whom are broken hearted, WILL ONLY WORK, if you have learn to love yourself. If not, please enjoy being in your current state.

Now, let's move on to overcoming failed relationships.

1) Firstly, SET A DATE FOR YOU TO STOP FEELING SAD AND BAD. We will all feel sad, after a failed relationship. No one can escape that. Even animals can't, lest to say humans with their abundance of feelings and emotions. So, IT IS ALRIGHT to feel hurt, sad and bad. The only key difference here is, you must set a date to stop it all and MOVE ON. But of course, set a realistic date. If you tell yourself things like, "Yes, I will allow myself to feel this way for another 10 years." Then please, use a knife and bleed yourself to death. Or better still, Cut your arteries, Tie a plastic bag over your head, Hang yourself off a rope and jump off the cliff at the same time.

2) Write down all the good points about yourself. Write down your successes, your past achievements, your great character traits, even small little things like learning to tie your shoe laces on your own when you were 5. All those things will add up to create a positive feel about yourself. And building up that love bank in your heart, to start loving yourself. Of course, do not overdo it til the point you get conceited and start bragging about how you overcame your fear of using the toilet bowl for the first time when you were 3.

3) Interact with positive people. They will listen to your problems, and tell you all the positive things. Like, yah, it is his/her loss (which is really true, you are a great person), he/she don't deserve you, you will find a better person in future. Now, positive energy will draw out positive energy, vice versa. And you will feel good too. Imagine yourself hanging out with another person whom just broke off. I believe you two can flood one olympic swimming pool with your wailing and tears. Or will be contemplating suicide together.

4) Get involved in sports. Healthy body, healthy mind. But more importantly, sports helps you to focus better and get a better perspective of things. Do Jogging, Cycling, or simply working out at the Gym. It helps. It also gets your mind off things, and when you see how beautiful your body is getting after all the workout, you would be confident. And most probably, you would start laughing and say, "HAHAHA, see how beautiful I have become after you left me.".

5) Do not tell yourself negative things like, "I will never fall in love again" "I hate the opposite sex" "I am just not fated to find the right person", etc. This is a very important part. Allow me to explain.

Imagine a your feeling and heart as the CORE. Once in a while, some HURT will happen and leave a marks on your CORE. But if you let your CORE rest, and expose it to NATURE, it will gradually heal. This is natural.

But when you start to say negative things as stated above, what you actually did was to built a WALL around your CORE. True, it does protect your CORE from other HURT in the future. But also because of this WALL, your CORE do not get exposed to NATURE, and what happens is, the marks will keep renewing itself because HURT is locked up too. Unable to escape, HURT will keep leaving marks on your CORE.

Until you finally demolish the wall, will you be able to let HURT out and let NATURE in.

DEEP AH. Don't understand, mail me.

Below are the prevention measures.

6) REFLECT ON YOURSELF. If you are involved in failed relationships, You should start looking inward too. 50% of the reason for the failure arises from you. To some, 100% of the problem arises from them. Relationships are started because of certain reasons. And if the reasons are kept strong, and renewed, the relationship would last. But if the reasons are weak, the relationship would be problematic. So, look inward and learn from your mistakes. Relationships fail for a reason. It is so that you can learn to make sure the next one works.

Well, the conclusion is this. As long as we love ourselves, any method would work in supporting us to getting over this "crisis" called a failed relationship. If you do not know how to love yourself, how can you even talk about loving others?