Success Without Fulfilment Is Failure.

Recently, one of my students came up to me, and gave me a note that really means so much to both him and me. While I can't share with you about the contents of the letter, I can only say that it sets me thinking about, "how we can live a full life?"

As the saying goes, "It is not the number of breaths you have, but the number of breath taking moments you have."

And this is so true. We have heard about this before that just before we die, we will see our own life flash before our eyes. While that cannot be proven, I believe that it is not our whole life, BUT RATHER, special moments in our life that will appear instead. Moments that have a strong significant emotional meaning.

It could be the day when you took your first step, first fall, first crush, first kiss, heartbreak, loss of a dear one, gain of a new one, hurt, tears, joy, ecstatic moment, etc. Those, I believe, are the moments which you would see. (From hereon, I shall use moments for ease.)

Moments are important to us. It can be likened to the quality of the life we have. It can determine the state we are usually in. It is your life!

And interestingly, if you read my previous articles, you would know that we can create the types of moments we want in our lives. For this article, I choose to guide you to use moments to create a more fulfilling life for yourself.

So, if you want to live with lesser regrets (heck, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have zero regrets), all you need to do, is follow these steps.

1) At the end of each day, spend 15 mins recalling the Moments of the day.
2) Write them out in your Moments Book.
3) Detail it, clearly describing your feelings, the special emotions you encountered.
4) Give gratitude, and say thanks. From the bottom of your heart.

That's all! That's all your need to do for a more fulfilling life. You can be assured that by the end of a week, you will get a momentum to want to do more for life. By the end of the month, you will feel a refreshed outlook towards your own life. And by the end of the year, you will find that you have had a great year and looks forward to a even better year ahead!

Remember, Success Without Fulfilment Is Still Failure...You only deserve your best.

Forgiveness...Forgive yourself first, before others.

This is a posting that is based on a topic given to me by one of my students who is now studying in Aussie. So here goes.

This could be the easiest and also the hardest thing that we can ever do in our life, whether is it to forgive your loved ones, your friends, colleagues, or even family members.

Why Easiest? Easiest because if it simply a choice that we can make. Hardest because it deals with our emotions and feelings.

BUT, forgiveness is possibly one of the greatest gift we have been bestowed upon. Through forgiveness, we gain freedom and empowerment. We are able to let go of all negative emotions and achieve even great results.

So, what is forgiveness? It is the willingness to forgive. So what is to forgive? There are many meanings given in the dictionary, but I like this one the most. It is "to cease to feel resentment against".

Yes, to forgive is to be able to let go of any resentment towards anyone, anything or any event. To let go of the hate, anger and bitterness. To let go of the negative.

Why is this important? Well, let me give you a simple example.

Imagine there is a person X. X holds alot of hate, resentment and anger towards Y. X feels the pain, shame, hurt and sorrow about it. While Y, who is totally clueless, feels totally indifferent towards X. Now, who is at the losing end?

In most cases, who gets hurt the most? (No prize for guessing, X of course.)

Stupid, you might say, but isn't that the truth about most of us? Most of the time, we are inflicting the same pain or damage to ourselves, either knowingly and unknowingly. So, aren't we the stupid one.

So, why is it that we find it so hard to forgive at times? The reasons are many. But the main reason is simply because of the way we view (context of) the event that happened.

Context would simply mean the way we look at the situation and thereafter, giving the situation a meaning.

Say when someone is betrayed (be it in business, love, friendship), that someone can "choose" to view the betrayal through the context that it is bad. He/she may see it as a breach of trust and having believed in the wrong person.

BUT, another person who have gone through the same situation could view it from a context that it is good. He/she may see it as a moment of truth where the true colours are seen and that he/she can move on to a better and more fulfilling life ahead with other more deserving people.

One real life example that I can give is the story of Mr Dave Peltzer. If you have read his books (The child named "it", or the Lost Boy), you would know that he has had a terrible terrible childhood where he was tortured, mentally, physically and emotionally by his "MOM". Yes, the one person that all of us would usually trust and love the most. But for him, his mom was the one person that has inflicted the most pain (such as making him eat feces, starving him, suffocating him, depriving him of sleep, oh, and almost killing him with a knife).

Imagine, what most people would do in his situation? Suicide? Destructive life of drugs, self mutilation, alcohol and hurt? Causing hurt to others? That would be the usual...if we choose to see it from "everyone's" context.

For Dave (though it did take a long while), he chose to pick himself up and move on. He became a famous author and through his training seminars, talks and books, he has impacted the many lives of those who needed help! Talk about looking through things from an entirely different context and giving it a different meaning.

So, as you can see, it is the same situation, but the different context and meaning that is given that makes one feel hurt or not.

The key is, CHOICE (if you paid attention earlier, you should know about this by now. hehe. :P). Where does this choice reside in? You! Where does this POWER of choice lies in? ___ (Please fill in the blank yourself).

You have always the choice to see things the way it is. Hard as it may seem, but you do. There are many ways to do it, and most importantly is, once you learn how to, you suddenly have a sense of empowerment and control over your own life. you will realise that all these while, you have always been blessed and loved.

Always remember, you deserve the best in life. You deserve more love. Your deserve great friends. You deserve a great career. You simply DESERVE. So, why not love yourself just a little bit more?

P.S

I can share with you alittle more about how to choose the context and meaning of every situation in your life in the near future. For now, let me just give you one simple "trick":

When you feel "hurt" or any negative feeling. Dissociate yourself from yourself. Imagine that you are now a director of your own life, looking at yourself, the people around you, the person who has "hurt" you and the things around you. Look at yourself from this "third" person's view. Do you notice that your negative feelings are lessened or even negated?

Once you are able to do this, start to look at and focus on the "positive" of the situation, such as the lessons learnt, the growth that you have achieved, the revelation of truth in the situation, the discovery of a new you, etc etc. All the good. Focus on those. How does that feel? Chances are, you would feel much better. How to continue from hereon, I will share with you some other time. Just use this simple exercise to get yourself on trck first, so that you can start to think more "logically" and not feel so bad about things. Get yourself out of the "state" first and soon, you find that you have more solutions around you.