Enhancing Communication...Awareness and Acceptance

Good day Friends. :)

Recently just completed several camps where I got to meet with a lot of wonderful campers and resources. Thanks guys, it was great! Please rest while you still can and get ready for 2010. :) Be GREAT!

One of the key things which I have learnt and reinforced over the past weeks was that for better communication, it is not the tools that we use or the words which we say or how we say it. Rather it is how we start our conversation with the other party. And I found that the best way is to start with any conversation with Awareness of Self and Acceptance of Others.

Awareness of Self puts us in a position whereby we become conscious of what we are doing. Instead of REACTING to what others are saying.

Going into a conversation with "what is he going to say", "why is he talking to me this way", "oh no, not again..." Usually starts off the conversation on the wrong foot. This happens when we have perceived ideas of what is going to be said, how it is going to be said and how it is going to affect us...even though it may not be true.

And what's weird is that, somehow, we unconsciously make these perceived ideas come true, thus turning the conversation towards the wrong direction.

Recall your last argument or quarrel. What were you thinking of even before the conversation started?

Thus, Awareness of Self before and throughout the entire conversation is crucial. It gives you control over what you want to say, instead of allowing your EGO to take over and reacting all the time.

The second aspect to work on, is still SELF. It is on working on self to accepting the other person in the conversation. Acceptance of what the other person is saying, expressing and feeling. I suppose this would be the hardest to do, for anyone. However, it could also be the noblest thing one could ever do...not just for the other person, but for yourself.

Can you talk to someone that you dislike and still accept his/her ideas without prejudice and biasness? Can you talk to a stranger and still have the patience to listen, just as you would to your friends? Can you talk to your family members without bringing the past events into the present?

As you would see, it all begins from you.

Effective communication is only possible if we put in the effort in the above two areas.

I could only hope that people who are in a tussle could realise this and come to a resolve through Self Awareness and Acceptance...

Please Give Me Your Blog Addr For Relink. :)

Good day friends.

Please give me your blog addr again for relink. Just redesigned my blog, however, lost every links.

Thanks!

Losing of the EGO is like falling in an endless pit.

Dear friends.

Firstly, CONGRATs for all who have completed the final lap of the year, EXAMS. :)

Do remember, TAKE A BREAK and go have fun. :) You DESERVE IT!!!!

Back to my title...A realisation I gotten through my talk with someone important. :)

"Losing of the EGO is like falling in an endless pit"...

Firstly, what is EGO again? If your remember my last entries, EGO is creating an Identity with Something. Ego creates a perceived Self. Who we think we are. Or what we claim and believe that we are. It is like a "life role" that we assume.

For example, we could assume certain attributes about ourself and say things like, "I am Strong", "I am Creative", "I am Special". And the most common EGO that you get to hear from people would be, "I am right" and "you are wrong."

I must first state that, there is nothing wrong with having EGOs. From the time we were born, our EGOs have served us so that we can "survive" up to today and we are able to function in the current environment.

However, when we assume our EGOs for too long, and forgotten our true self, goodness and essence, that is when, we LOSE OURSELF and problems start to arise.

Conflicts happen when we fight for what we identify as "right". Fights happen when we refuse to accept our own "wrongs". Wars start when we over identify with our ways as the only way.

Just look at the wars over the history of mankind. It has always started because of Super EGOs. Example, World War II was because of Hitler, genocide in Iraq and invasion of Kuwait by Saddam Hussein, genocide in Cambodia by Pol Pot.

However, all is not lost. Once we are able to release our EGOs and start to believe in the true goodness in our true self, and our essence, we usually find ourselves achieving miraculous things that some times surprises even ourselves.

Ask yourself these questions. Weren't there moments when you were so impressed by yourself and what you do? How were you like during those moments? Isn't it true that those are the moments which you feel that you are supported by EVERYTHING around you?

Dear friends, those are the moments which I believe you are in touch with your true self and totally away from your EGO, or perceived self. And that's the reason why, you achieved greatness.

During those moments, you perform at a level that is comparable to great people of human history like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Theresa, Confucius.

That seed of greatness is within you...and everyone around you.

That's the wonderful news.

But the sad news is this. To consciously be working on releasing our EGOs is terribly frightening.

Can you imagine this. To release your EGO can likened to releasing your Defense mechanism completely and exposing your vulnerability to the world? It is like, you are throwing away your survival skills which you have relied on from the day you were born. It is like putting your life in the hands of others, to become like a baby again.

That is how scary it is.

I feel that "falling in an endless pit" describes the feeling nicely. It is like letting go of something that you have been clinging on for dear life and suddenly, you decide to let go and just fall. While falling, the fear just keeps coming and gets stronger because you never know when your doom would come.

AhhhHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT, that's what we must face. That's the fear which we must learn to deal with, if we want to get in touch again with our true self and essence. And once you are in touch with that true self and essence, you find that your fears simply dissolve...All fear simply dissolve and you feel like you are not falling anymore...Rather, you feel like you are just floating...Likened to the feeling of a baby in the mother's womb.

The most powerful thing is that, once you are in touch with your true self and essence. You discover that all along, there is no fear at all. That, you are always loved and supported. That the universe is always behind you. That everything that you need is already around you. You are grounded and present. And more importantly, you are in touch with Being.

Who or what is this being, you may ask...I can't say. But, the closest I can suggest is maybe this.

NOT DEFINITIVE.

In Christianity, when you release the EGO, I suppose that is when you are able to be truly in touch with God. Because, you are in touch with the goodness that is already planted in you from the day you were born. In touch with the love that has been bestowed.

In Buddhism, it is a state of nothingness...Nirvana. Where you stop working on what is truly important in life and not what is transcient and meaningless.

I hope that I have not confused you. However, I am truly excited at my realization today. Have embarked on this journey...Long and Arduous but worth every effort.

:)

PSLE!!!

Dear friends who are taking PSLE.

You will do great. Just remember, stay calm and relax. A relaxed mind and body would enable one to recall information better. Therefore, enough good quality rest and a healthy diet is important too.

I am sure you have done your part and put in hard work for your PSLE. Do your best and great results will follow.

ALL THE BEST!

The Coming Exam Game!

Dear friends,

This post will be short as I know that a lot of you would be busy with your exam preparation.

The only message which I would like to send out to you would be this.

Look straight into the mirror, into that person that is staring back at you. Ask yourself this question..."Have I put in the deserving efforts to make sure I would do well for my exam?"

Wait for 1 min...and listen to your gut, heart and mind. The answer would ensure a good result...if you follow it.

I wish all students...THE BEST for the exams.

Cheers!
Ken

Get Back Up Again...No Matter How Hard!

Dear Friends.

I would like to share this wonderful video which has taught me a lot. I hope that this video would bring you great inspiration to facing any obstacles you may have now, or in future.

One Of The World's Greatest Inspiration Of The Human Spirit.

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

Dear friends,

If you are reading this now, you should be listening to the song, "If Tomorrow Never Comes", playing in the background. Reason I put this song on is because of the wonderful meaning behind it.

Here are two paragraphs which I found to be exceptionally touching and meaningful.

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

This is a song, not just for your spouse or boy/girlfriend, but for anyone who you care and love. They would be your grandparents, your siblings, your children, your friends.

If you were to ask yourself this question,
"Did I try in every way to show her every day that she's my only one"
This would allow us to consciously put in effort to make every moment that we have with our loved ones a special day, to let them know that they are special.

Otherwise, we may have to live with regrets as the song goes:
"Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed"

Personally, I have experienced this before and the pain is terrible. We can never turn back time, nor to revive our loved ones. However what you can do is to work on NOW.

Tell those you love, that you love them. Those that you care, that you care for them. And those who loves you, thank you. For at the end of the day, it is not your work that matters, or the amount of money you have that matters, or the number of properties you own that matters.

It is these people you love that matters.

A wonderful video to share - Dr Pausch on Oprah

Dear friends,

If you go through my blog history, you would notice that I wrote an article called Last Lecture, which was inspired by Dr Pausch.

I would like to share this video clip whereby Dr Pausch gave his lecture on Oprah's show.

I am sure you would get something wonderful from this short 10 mins clip.

Enjoy!

Power Of Kindness - Humility

Dear friends.

Hope all of you are doing well.

Recently, I have chanced upon another wonderful book (well, it was one month ago actually) called "The Power Of Kindess" by Piero Ferrucci, Psychosynthesis Practioner.

This book tells of all the amazing possibilities one can achieve through leading of a life of genuine kindness and it is divided into 19 parts or areas of Kindness, e.g. Empathy, Patience, Warmth, Honesty, Sense of Belonging, etc. Through which, Piero gave several intepretations and explanations on how Kindness would be able to "change" the world, both the world AROUND us...and the world INSIDE us.

I am going to start off this series of sharing based on the book, on the different aspect of Kindness and, share my feel about it. It would be great if I can get to hear from you too, and possibly, your own personal experience.

For today, I would like to touch on "Humility".

Quoted from Piero's book,

"Humility places us in a state where learning becomes possible. It gives us the taste of simplicity; and when we are simpler, we are also more genuine. Humility put into practice allows us to touch reality as it is...I am one among many, mortal and limited, a human beings among human beings. I do not have to prove myself superior to anyone. Others exist, each with their needs, their realities, their hopes and their dramas, and I am one among billions of people who exist on this planet..."

Without Humility, learning ceases. Once we start to say that we know enough, it is the the time we stopped learning. But more importantly, without Humility, we start to feel that we are superior as compared to others. We feel that we know more, we are better, we are smarter than others. And this is where problems arises.

One very good example would be of teachers and their students.

It is known that teachers who are humble enough to know that they do not know everything, and that they, too, make mistakes are usually the teachers who are better accepted by students and well loved.

On the other hand, teachers who uses their position and assume they know more things than the students, that they are "better", are usually those who are disliked by the students.

One personal experience that I can share now, is my Brazilian Jujitsu training.

We now have Jaguar, a BJJ blackbelter, training us. And the entire class respects him thoroughly.

NOT because of the fact that he can possibly kill us all with his techniques (which he can, especially since he trains and teaches for Mixed Martial Arts, Kickboxing and Capoeira.) And also not because his build is bigger than most of us.

The class respects him because of his humility...even as our teacher.

Jaguar would provide us with training and as best as he could, explanations about it. But he would always, and I mean, ALWAYS, assume there are better techniques than the ones he taught us, and ask us for our feedback/questions.

I am grateful that I have a teacher like him.

My other teacher, Darren, is also similar. He is the Gym master who is well trained in many Arts. E.g. He is a blackbelter in Hapkido. And as a Hapkido blackbelter, he is considered a "Master". But, he never wants to be called a "Master". And when he is, he would always ask people not to do so, saying, "I, myself, am still learning. So, don't call me a master."

And it is so true. We are always learning. So how can we become a "Master" when we do not know EVERYTHING.

As what Confucius said,

知之为知之,

不知为不知,

是知也

When you know that you know, let people know. So that people may be able to add on and you can learn.

When you know that you don't know, let people know. So that people may be able to teach you and you can learn.

That is called Knowing.

In short, have humility and you get to learn and grow.

However, in other aspects of our lives, the same applies. Through humility, we get to build a stronger bond with others. It could be our friends, colleagues, loved ones, and family members.

We must accept that we can never know everything about a person, which is why, there is always something new to learn from them. And with humility, you know that you want to learn more, and NOT to compete with the other person WHO KNOWS MORE.

When you have humility, people accepts you better. Without humility, people will move away from you.

Again, by Confucius.

三人行必有我师

When we are with others, there is a teacher amongst them.

When you have humility, genuine respect for others will follow. And that respect would be returned in favour.

Regards,

Ken

Love Is A Behaviour...Feelings Come After The Behaviour.

The above title was taken from the 5 languages of love. And I felt that it was appropriate that I continued to add on to the previous two articles which I wrote based on this great book.

In the book, it is said that love is a behaviour and it is this behaviour which creates the feeling. Yes, Love is a type of behaviour and choice that you make, and this choice would create the feeling of you being in love with the other person.

It is true that there is a feeling of being in love. Scientifically, it is proven that during the "In Love" period, three neurotransmitters of your brain are highly active, namely Adrenaline, Dopamine and Serotonin. These three work together and gives you a natural high, thus, the feeling of being "In Love".

In this period of time, you see all the amazing things about your other half. And when you do see something which is wrong/not right, the phrase "love conquers all" comes into play.

But, the key thing to note that these reactions in the brain lasts for about 18 months. Following which, all the amazing things which your other half was doing suddenly seems to irritate you alittle. And all the things which were wrong/not right, suddenly seems to be sooooooooo WRONG. The way he sits, walks, talks. The way she answers, eat, sleep. Everything that you were "blind" to in the past, are now a pain in your neck.

For some, it is earlier, some later. But the important thing to note is that, you can't rely on chemical reactions to keep a relationship going, just as you can't rely on enhancement drugs to better your performance in sports.

So, how do you sustain this relationship?

The key word which I have learned would be COMMITMENT.

And it has to start from the beginning of the relationship, to the day that we die. It is about commitment.

E.g.
"Will you stand by _______________, care for her, hold her in the highest regard and die with this love you have for her untarnished in your heart?
Will you stand by _____________, care for him, hold him in the highest regard, and die with this love you have for him untarnished in your heart?"

As you can see from the above example of a wedding minister's script, it boils down to asking the wedding couple to make the decision about their holy matrimony.

And for this decision to last, it definitely takes COMMITMENT.

Yes, commitment to say that there is only this one way. Commitment to say that I WILL, MUST AND SHALL make this relationship work. Commitment to say that all the things which I do shall contribute towards making the relationship better and stronger...until I die.

I am glad to say that, I have had the fortune of seeing relationships around me becoming stronger and stronger over the years, because of the same commitment both parties have for each other and their relationship.

However, I have also seen relationships breaking apart simply because one or both parties have stopped committing to making their relationship work. They, so to speak, "forgot" about this commitment they have made and replaced it with other more important things.

Well, if you were to ask me, is there really the ONE for you out there? Well, my answer would be...You make that person you love, YOUR ONE. It is your choice. And if your other half has also made the same choice, then, I am sure your relationship would be great and grow through the years. This same commitment that you both have, is the ingredient to making each other, THE ONE.

However, do be careful of your choice. :) Do not foolishly commit to a relationship when you already sense or know that your other half has one foot out the door.

That's the end of this long article. :)

Well, I do hope to hear from you about your comments or questions. Please leave a message. BTW, please also register on the right. I will have more articles soon.

Cheers!
Ken

Back..and boy, do I feel great.

Dear friends,

guess who's back. :)

Well, really sorry that I hadn't been able to upload any articles over the past month or so due to work. I hope that all is great going in your life.

A little update on my side. Was busying running camps after camps, and I am really really happy that the past weeks have gone so smoothly. Thanks to all the great staff and resources for making the trip so memorable. :) You are the best!!!

Now that I am back, it is only right that I make some changes to my blog and to update it. :) Thus, the first change you would notice is that I have changed the background to something of the lighter shade. Hope you like the simpler design.

Now, my first post after my absence.

I would like to write a bit more about the 5 languages of love again. :) Yes, you heard me.

Why? You may ask. Well, reason being, I have experienced the benefits of this book personally through my one month's time overseas. And those who I have shared the book with have only good comments about it. I even had a friend who messaged me from Indonesia (after I am back) that he is getting a great deal of value out of the book and thanked me for introducing him to it.

So for today, I hope that this little article would convince you to go get the 5 Languages of Love by Dr Gary Chapman.

The Language Of Love at work/school.

Some of you may be wondering, "Wait a minute, Ken, what does the language of love have to do with work/school? I am not in love with anyone in my office/school."

But the truth is, Language of Love is not just for love relationship between spouse, couples and lovers. It is for ALL kinds of relationship. Between friends, colleagues, peers, employer/employer, acquaintance, relatives and family members. That relationship can be called "love" too, only at a different level.

So, between you and your colleagues/schoolmates, it can be said that you have a relationship with them, and this relationship is based on "love".

And if it is based on love, then, the languages would definitely apply.

At work, the importance of understanding the languages is of utmost importance if you want to create a condusive working/studying environment that is productive and effective. And if you are holding a leadership role as a project leader, manager, employer, class chairperson, etc.

How would you feel, if you were to be working in a team where your needs are met, and you are recognised for your skills, talents and contributions? How would your team members feel, if you too are able to see their good qualities and able to offer them the recognition they desire/deserve? I believe that in such an environment, your team is bound to produce excellent results and everyone is nurtured and can is 100% committed to making sure the entire project runs well and succeed.

On the other hand, if you are working with a boss that is 100% critical of you. No matter what you do, you are criticised. No matter how much time and effort you put in, you are still not doing enough. And that no matter how many successful projects you complete, you are only remembered for those projects which you have failed in. In such an environment, I am sure that you would feel demoralised and barely have the energy to putting in your best for the work.

Therefore, for any organisation to perform at an optimum level, it is important that each and every team member's language is identified. And when recognitions is due, be awarded SINCERELY (very importantly, sincerely awarded) in the form which the team member would feel most nurtured.

Let's say, you have two group members under your charge.

A's language of love is Words of Affirmation and B's is Present/Gift. In understanding this, you would be a wise leader to award them the appropriate reward to recognise them.

For example, praise A on the wonderful work that he has done, or how his contributions has helped made the project successful. Nurture him through small talks where you can tell him how nice he looks with his tie, or he has good taste in clothes, etc. Remember, these must be done with sincerity. Don't do it as if you have programmed yourself to do so. Sincerity can be sensed, so is Insincerity.

It is important to note that a good leader must be direct and honest when it comes to giving feedback on inappropriate actions or poor performance. BUT, it can still be done properly without condemnation, when it is done through "love".

If A needs a feedback session on his poor performance, you wouldn't want to say, "Look, your past few months' performance is really bad. You better pull up your socks or else, you're fired!" If you were to do that, A would most probably remember these words for a long long time, since his primary language is Words of Affirmation.

Rather, you can do it in a manner where the same message is sent across in a caring and sincere manner. For example, "Hey, I have noticed that your performance at work has been declining. I have seen how you conducted your work before and I know you can do much better. I am worried. Is there something that is bothering you? Would you want to discuss about it at a suitable time so we can see how we can work it out together?" Asking in a genuine manner, and talking to A in such a manner would definitely be a better option, rather than jumping at him for no doing his work.

The same can be done as with other language of love. To give feedback in the different languages, the following is possible:

1) Gifts - a little card with a little message of reminder.
2) A pat on the shoulder to show you are concerned (of course, recommended only when both are of the same sex.)
3) Sitting down at a coffee joint and just chitchating about anything else other than work or project. Talk about that person and be present for that person.
4) Offer to help a little when you know that person is overwhelmed.

The possibilities are endless. While it takes effort (HEY, ALL RELATIONSHIP TAKES EFFORT), but, I am sure you would make the right decision for yourself and those you care about.

I hope that this will prove useful for you in the long term. :)

I think, I would like to leave you with a little phrase I thought of.

"A Little Sincerity and Kindness Goes A Long Way."

Through the language of love, imagine the impact you can make in a person's life. I know it did and still is for me.

Love,
Ken.

Will be Away.

Dear friends.

Apologies for the not updating with any articles lately as am currently going through the peak periods. :)

Will update you all real soon.

Til then, please take care of yourself!

Cheers!
Ken

Cambodia Pictures.

Dear Friends

I have uploaded my pictures (part of it) to Facebook. The link is below.

Part 1
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Part 2
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Enjoy. Will upload more tonight. :)

An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love.

Dear Friends.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I would write something about the book "An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love" By Richard and Kristine Carlson. So here goes.

Firstly, I strongly recommend all to read this book. The message inside is truly meaningful and sets your thinking, whether we are chasing the right things in life and missing out on what's truly magical and important.

A little background into the book.

3 years before the Richard's 18th wedding anniversary, he wrote a letter titled "An Hour To Live" and intended to give it to his wife during the anniversary.

And the book started with this letter, where Richard expresses his feelings and thoughts for all the things which he is grateful for and blessed with, particularly the love that he and his wife, Kristine, shares. It was the most wonderful and memorable gift ever given to Kristine.

Sadly, Richard passed away suddenly during a flight.

To continue his wishes and to spread his love, Kristine decided to complete this "book" with the second half called, "An Hour To Love". Thus the title, An Hour To Live, And Hour To love.

I shall not divuldge too much about what was written. But, I would like to share Richard's favourite Poem, which is also included in the book. (Note: Poem seems to have two sources, which I can't verify. But in the book, it is said to be written by Norma Cornett Marek for her son, while I found sources which says it is written by Dr H Solomon. If you can confirm, please let me know which is accurate? Thanks!)

DO GET THIS BOOK! You will love it. :)

Thanks to Pris for introducing this great book to me.

If I Knew or Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say “I love you,”
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I’m sure you’ll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say “I love you,”
And certainly there’s another chance
to say our “Anything I can do?”

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll surely regret the day,

That you didn’t take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you’ll always hold them dear

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”
“Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” or “It’s okay.”
And if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll have no regrets about today.

Dedicated To My Dad.

Dear friends,

This blog is dedicated to my dad.

The past few years of our lives have been filled with many challenges, emotionally, mentally and physically. But it was also because of all these challenges which showed me the love that my father has for my mom.

You see, my mom is down with an illness which is called Cortical Basal Degeneration. Basically, a portion of her brain is degenerating and affects her mind, and basically everything from her speech, balance to movement. Basically, nothing can be done to help her. Maybe just prayers after prayers.

Well, it is heart-wrenching to see how the condition of my mom developed over the years. And my dad would probably be the most heartbroken of all, though he doesn't show it.

My dad is a typical conservative chinese from the post WW2 period. Tradition and non-expressive when it comes to feelings and emotions. I even remember times when the children asked him questions about his relationship with mom and he would start to turn "shy", laugh it off and put up his usual strong front again.

So, talking to my dad about feelings and emotions would be quite tough for the entire family. In my whole life, I have only seen my dad cried once. That was when my grand father passed away in China.

However, I guess that since the time my mother's condition was diagnosed, and the few times when my mom suffered some major falls, my dad was crying inside his heart and was angry with himself for what is happening to my mom.

Now, my dad would take my mom to the toilet, help her with change of clothes, cook for and feed her, use the dryer to dry my mom's hair, wheel her around and support her in and out of the car. BUT, he is not doing this out of pity, sympathy or responsibility to my mom.

He is doing this out of love for my mom.

I respect my dad for that. He truly has an undying love for my mom.

I must apologise that, at this point in time, I do not know how I would want to continue with this.

This feels like a random blabbering on my part.

I guess the only thing which I hope for, for everyone reading this is that, that such love still exists. And there is such a person who would love you 100%, out there for you. You just need to put in effort to search for that person.

All the best.
Regards,
Ken

BTW, for the next post, I am inspired to write based on this book, "An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love", by the late Mr Richard Carlson. A friend of mine was sharing this story with me. So, just to set you thinking, if you know you have only one hour left to live in this world, who would you call? What would you do?

5 Languages Of Love

Dear friends,

Apologies that is has been such a long while since I blogged. But had been really tight with working on my book. Really excited about it and when it is out, I humbly ask for your support to help spread the word. Of course, it will be a great book!

Anyway, back to the topic of the day.

Recently, Pris introduced me to the "5 Languages Of Love" by Dr Gary Chapman and I found it really interesting. I got alot of realisation from it. I would like you to read through and see what insights it gives you on relationship will your parents, your other half and those around you (I do consider those relationship to contain love too).

Here's the snippet taken from Dr Gary's site. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Quality Time

Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Receiving Gifts

Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service

Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch

Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.

Now, at this point, the key questions that I would like to pose to you would be this.

If you can choose 2 out of the 5, which 2 would it be that you NEED most from your other half?

And which are the 2 you give?

I shall not explain too much. But I will just leave you with some more questions.

1) If your 2 needs and the other's 2 gives doesn't match, what may happen? What needs to be done?

2) And vice versa.

Alrighty.

Gotta go. Am really tired. Just spent 5 hours on my book at Mac Donald's and it is already 1am. But, I am really happy. :) I have received good comments from Ernest on how to improve on my books. So implementing them now.

Well, good night all.

Regards,

Ken

Subjects Of Love

Dear friends

Well, this article spun off from a conversation which I have had with my friends in indon last year. During which, I had a crazy "philopsophy" on the topic love, and how to find the right partner. It is called the Science of Love.

For you to find someone that you love and loves you, it is important that both must share similarities in the following Subjects of Love.

Chemistry
When you are in love, there would be a special chemical reaction in your brain which makes you feel in love. Well, I can't put my finger on it, but different people feels differently when they are in love. And you would be able to sense it yourself. BUT point to note, research done has shown that this chemical reaction in your brain lasts about 18 months. Which would explain why 18 months is a "make it or break it" point for a lot of relationships.
Therefore, while you will feel that everything is "magical" during the so called "honeymoon" period, but do remember to ground yourself in case you make irrational decisions.

Physics
Are you able to emit similar energy that attracts each other? Are you able to feel the same frequency with the other person, and able to communicate at the same wavelength? If you have heard of the Law of Attraction, you would understand Like Attracts Like. What you would be looking for is a balance of energy between you and your other half. Just like Yin and Yang.

Geography
Long distance relationship almost never work out. And this is strongly advised against by the two love gurus, Dr John Gray and Dr Barbara De Angelis. Reason being, in a relationship, it is the PRESENCE that matters, not the presents. Most of long distance relationship are found to never work out. So, if you have someone in mind, and that person is going to be overseas soon, rethink your decision to starting a relationship.

History
Having shared similar past experiences or activities is always a way for building stronger connections with your other half. It is easier to understand and talk to each other. And because you have went through something similar, you will find it easier to related to each other.
For a relationship to be strong, having gone through various UPS and DOWNS in life and coming out of it together is impertinent. Remember, UPS and DOWNS. There are some people who will only be with you during your good times, but when your bad times come, they disappear.

Psychology
The way you think, process information and how you perceive this world you strongly affect the relationship. If a couple are both open to new ideas, then, communication becomes easier, and the channel is smooth. But if one is closed up, and the other tries to barge into the world, challenges arises, and unless the mindset is changed, it is almost impossible to reconcile.

Biology
Well, humans will still have instinctive needs. Therefore, the biological needs plays a key part in a healthy relationship too. The other aspect of biology would be age. A 40 year old man, matched with a 25 year old woman may sound like a wonderful match. But there may be times where the man would not be able to keep up to the woman. E.g. the 25 year old woman may be involved in higher energy activities, such as dancing, sports. But the 40 year old man may not be able to sustain at all.

Language
International language is love...or so they say. But when you are unable to communicate with the other person, or unable to understand your other half, frustration arises. And it builts up.
Imagine the anguish that can happen if your other half speaks a completely different language from you, and can only understand 10-30% of what you are saying. How would you feel?


Anyway, this is just an article that I feel is interesting to share. Something that I have in my mind. haha.

Please feel free to comment and discuss with me.

Cheers!
Ken

Dear friends,

I would like to share this snippet from a book (which Ernest has kindly passed to me) where I read about my Idol, Bruce Lee. Really inspirational especially during times when we feel that "we can't" anymore. Use this little story to remind yourself and to push yourself, always.

Stirling Silliphant (a student of Lee's) relates an interesting story that perfectly embodies Lee's attitude toward progressive resistance in cardiovascular training,
as well as his refusal to let a person-in this case Silliphant -underestimate his own physical potential:

Bruce had me up to three miles a day, really at a good pace. We'd run the three miles in twenty, one or twenty, two minutes. Just under eight minutes a mile

[Note: when running on his own in 1968, Lee would get his time down to six,and,a,half minutes per mile].

So this morning he said to me "We're going to go five."

I said, "Bruce, I can't go five. I'm a helluva lot older than you are, and I can't do five."

He said, "When we get to three, we'll shift gears and it's only two more and you'll do it."
I said "Okay, hell, I'll go for it."

So we get to three, we go into the fourth mile and I'm okay for three or four minutes, and then I really begin to give out. I'm tired, my heart's pounding, I can't go any more and so I say to him, "Bruce if I run any more, "-and we're still
running-"if I run any more I'm liable to have a heart attack and die."

He said, "Then die." It made me so mad that I went the full five miles. Afterward I went to the shower and then I wanted to talk to him about it.

I said, you know, '''Why did you say that?"

He said, "Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or any, thing else, it'll spread over into the rest of your life. It'll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level."

(Taken from "The Art Of Expressing The Human Body")

So, when things seem daunting, and times are bad. Or when you seem helpless or ready to give up...remember, it is just a Plateau. PUSH BEYOND THAT.

Cheers!

New Earth Inspiration - Flapping Ducks

Dear friends,

Some of you may be curious to read the title, Flapping Ducks. Well, just a little something (yet profound) which I would like to share with you, something that I learnt from the wonderful book, A New Earth.

In the book, Mr Eckhart Tolle wrote on his observations on ducks. He noted that immediately after two ducks finishes a fight, they would swim away in separate directions, flap their wings vigorously and then float around as if nothing has happened. And he explained that through flapping their wings, the ducks were able to release all the negative energy that was built up during the fight and they do it immediately. So, the ducks are able to revert to the calm state almost immediately.

Imagine, how wonderful it would be if we can do the same. But alas...alot of us can't do it. Or rather, we "chose" not to.

Everyday of our lives, we face challenges, quarrels or fights and huge amounts of negative energy and emotions are built up within us. And more often than not, we keep that energy in us and that energy grows, to the point of hurting us in the end. Question to ponder over, is it worth it?

Of course not. But the strange thing is, the one who allows the hurt to grow and to build up, is none other than ourselves. It is we that who are not willing to forgive, to let go and to forget. Why? It all goes back to our EGO, the identification with things, whether tangible or intangible.

Think about it, unless involves the safety and future of another, a fight (either emotionally, physically or verbally) is usually started because we feel that something is right and we are defending it against another. It is usually started because of a clash of what you believe in, and what the other party believes in.

"It's mine."
"You're wrong."
"That's not true."
"I am correct."
"I don't agree with that."
"I am offended."
"What're you talking about?"
"That's absurd."
"Oh, why can't you shut up."

And to make matters worse, even after when the fight is finished, your mind still holds the scenes of the fight, repeating it in your mind, again and again and again and again.

Recall...all the fights you have ever had...and you would see that this is so true.

But the question is...Is what you think truly right? Is what the other person says, truly wrong? How certain are you? Could it be possible that, there could be flaws in your own ideas? Could it be possible that, there could be truth in the other person's thoughts?

And unless you are arguing about the natural laws of life (like gravity, heat, earth revolving around the sun, aging, etc), can you really be so certain that your way is the right way? And if not, is there truly a need for the fight in the first place?

What I would just like to ask, is it worth getting upset, hurt, angry or sad just to win an argument or fight? Is it worth hurting and upsetting another just to get your point across? If it doesn't hurt anyone, wouldn't it be better to just turn your back and leave the fight? And if the fight has already happened, wouldn't it be better to just be like the ducks, flap yours wings, clear all the negative energy and just move on?

What is more important? Your health or your EGO?

You decide.

Cheers!
Ken

Photos Part 2

This is when we went up to the Pearl of Lake Toba.
A beautiful place which overlooks Lake Toba.

Below is the supposedly main building. And I was standing in the midst of the Organic Farm. Fresh Veges.

The view around the main building.

And this is Lake Toba, viewed from atop. Great view.

This is where they intend to build cottages...right smack in the forest.

A mini waterfall with an adorable man posing right infront. haha.

For this pic, I got drenched...Ah chooo.

The wooden stairs leading up to the cottages.

The little stream in front of the cottages.

Below is the Marquisa (passion fruit) garden. You can just go right in and pluck whichever fruit that catches your fancy.

The flower...really beautiful.

The fruit.

Pictures To Share.

Dear friends,

Below are some of the pictures which are taken during my trip to Medan and Jakarta. Enjoy.

First up, the airport of Medan.

A small and cosy little international airport with only 2-3 luggage lanes. :)

First stop, was breakfast. Curry Bee Hoon. Just look at the stall and where the food are being prepared. In the back alley. Cool!

Main lobby of the hotel. New hotel, and very cosy.

The lounge.

The best place of the hotel...Our ROOM. haha. A suite that is very nicely furnished. Overlooks the swimming pool.

And just behind the Hotel is this drain (or river). As you can see, there are people in the middle of the river washing their clothes. They also shower, wash, drink and clear their bodily waste in the same river.

This pic is of a little marsh that is just behind where Novi stays. Right behind a row of houses. The great thing is that there is an abundance of fishes in the water, king fishers and birds in this area. I won't be surprised if I find Crocs or snakes here too. A nice habitat for wildlife, just next to a residential area.

And just 300m away is this grand temple. Really beautifully built.

After touring of the area, we had a dinner buffet. Guess the price? It was at just 35000 rp each. That's just around 4 SGD. And it is all you can eat. Just look at the spread.

End of Part 1.

More to come.