Fresh Updates

Dear friends.

Truly sorry for the long absence. Well, this period of time, has really been exciting and new challenges are abound.

You see, in chinese saying, there are three major things that a Man will do in his whole life and they are namely, Entering into a new career, Getting married and House shifting. And usually, Man would spread it out at different years of his life.

However, I sorta completed all three in one year. And to add on to the list, I did just one more major thing…just to spice things up. And that is, conversion to a new religion.

So as you can see, it has been truly an interesting year. Details as below.

1) In case you still do not know, I am getting married in Nov. Yes, sorry to break so many hearts but I have finally found my ONE. I am happy, and she is happy (I think…haha. Not easy getting stuck to this Hyper Active man.)

Anyway, there are alot of preparations to be completed. Like guest invitation lists, wedding videos (self-editted and directed, you can call me, Ken Spielberg), booking of venues, honeymoon, etc. I feel that I can even become a wedding planner for other people. Maybe I should consider this option...Part Time. haha.

Well, I would be sending out invitation soon. As it will be a small family and close friend event, I must first apologise if you are not invited to my wedding dinner. However, if you like to join for my Church Wedding, do let me know. It will be on the 4th Nov. Entry requirement would be a 2000 word essay titled, “Why I should be invted to your church wedding.” Top 20 entries will earn an invitation card to my church wedding and the chance to give me ANGBAO. Hahaha.

Ok, enough of jokes. Once again, thank you to all my friends for your well wishes. My wife and I truly appreciate it.

2) House shifting. Yes, I have shifted to a new place and it is less that 3 years ago when I just did a shift. Come to think of it, house shifting seems to be my family hobby. Just alittle info about my new place. It is just a simple HDB. However, my room is a talking point for anyone who visits it. Two reasons:
i) It has a walk-in wardrobe and
ii) It has a toilet with a SEE THROUGH glass door.

The first is just normal as many couples have that nowadays. As for ii), well, let’s just say that no one will dare use it. Mainly because, whichever business you do inside my toilet, is open to viewing by people in my room. So if you don’t mind my staring when you are peeing, by all means, go ahead. Haha.

The only drawback is that it can get alittle bright in the daytime. So I am still finding ways to fix that.

However, I am really happy with this new place. The energy and feel of the place is good. I guess my next shift should be at least 3 years from now.

3) Career shift. I am now working for a large property company as their trainer under one of the subsidiaries. So, from working with children, teens and parents, to now, training adults, and millionaire property agents. A huge shift. But I look forward to the challenges ahead and of course, many opportunities of growth.

For all my past students and friends who have been through my training, I want to thank you for your support and I hope that I may be able to work with you in future again. Particularly if you are keen to enter into the property industry. Otherwise, I can still continue to coach you, if you need, on your personality development. Another of my passion. So do keep in touch and I would be more than happy to guide and advise as best as I can.

4) Religion conversion. I am learning now, on how to be a Catholic. Well, I guess the calling for me has come and the teachings are right for me. However, it is truly a struggle. There are many things which I need to change, particularly my “bad” habits. Lucky, I don’t have much to begin with. HAHAHA. So phew.

Well, it is a beginning of the new spiritual journey for me. However, I am sure it will lead me back to where I was and to where I am meant to be. So wish me luck. I will see you where you were and where you were meant to be too. Maybe different paths, different ways, different directions. But I am sure, we will meet. So let’s journey together.

Alrighty. With all that is said, I guess I would leave you all with two questions to think of before my next post (which I promise, wouldn’t be too late)…

“Are you happy with what you are doing now? If not, what is missing?”

Cheers!
Ken

One video before I go.

Oh oh.

Just one nice video for all to watch.

Enjoy.

:)

Missing In Action

Dear friends.

Apologies for the long absence as this period of time, I would be heavily involved in several huge projects. Which is why, I would need to put down my blogging time for a while.

What huge projects, you may ask...Well, my new house is one. Work. And of course, preparation for my big day.

Please excuse me yoh. :)

I will be back soon.

In the meantime, do register yourself so that once I am back and blogging, you would be notified immediately.

Cheers! and Best wishes!
Ken

Attracting the Wrong Types...Part 3

Dear friends,

As I have mentioned in Part 2, this last part would be on how to know who is the person for you.

I can't say that this is a definite formula...however, what I can say is that I have used this method on people around me to helping them uncover what they want...Especially in finding a suitable person.

So, a little background first.

When you ask your friends or people around you, "Do you know what you WANT in your partner?" or "Do you know what sort of partner you want?"...

The answers would usually be, "I don't know..." or you would get very vague answers from them, which indicates they don't really know.

But don't get mistaken nor give up. These people DO know what they want...It is just that, they don't know how to GET to knowing.

So start, simply ask them, "So what is it that you DON'T WANT in your partner?"

You can be sure, you would get a list of attributes or adjectives from here.

This is also the list that is important towards helping them find out the answers.

Here's how.

Let's take for example, Friend A says, "I don't want my partner to be a jerk. A flirt. I don't want my partner to be a bum also."

So, from here, you would get a list of the following:
1) Jerk.
2) Flirt.
3) Not a Bum.

Next, with each item, just ask, "So, what is a ______ like to you?" (E.g. What is a Jerk like?)

And from here, you would get another list of descriptions. Say, Jerk = irresponsible, vulgar, insensitive, crude, rude, etc.

This list would lead you to doing the last part. Which would be asking, "With those attributes in mind and that you don't want those attributes in your partner, can you now tell me what attributes you want in your partner now?"

And all you need to do with your friend is to simply tackle each adjective said.

For example,
Irresponsible = Responsible
Vulgar = Polite
Insensitive = Sensitive
Crude = Gentle
Rude = Well mannered

And if you want to go further into details, you can even ask your friends for some examples on each attributes, "So, how would you be able to see that this person you want is Responsible? What would he/she do?"

And voila. The process is quite complete. From here, you would have helped your friend to get a detailed description of NOT what your friend don't want, BUT of what your friend wants...with details and examples which he/she can see in real life.

Once again, to summarize it all.

1) Ask what they don't want.
2) For each attribute, ask for descriptions.
3) Following which, ask for the OPPOSITES of each attribute.
4) Get details and even visible examples.

There you have it.

Once again, I must say that this is not the formula. But what I do suggest is maybe you can try it and see whether it would work for you.

BTW, please also tag me or register your email so you can get updates.

Cheers!
Ken

How to be truly happy?

Dear friends,

I suppose that this would be the key question that all human being would ask at least once in their life...for some, maybe this is the only key question they are asking all their life.

To be honest, I don't have the answer either.

What I hope to share is maybe my personal feel and what I experienced over the challenging periods of my life.

I found my answers in a simple phrase. I don't remember where or when I learnt this from. And it goes like this, "Appreciate What You Have, And Not Complain About What You Don't."

For most people, the latter is so much easier to do. Who could blame them? It does feel good that we have people listening to our complaints...and better yet, start a "forum" with them to see who has a better complaint.

I have been through that myself. When my mom was down with her current illness, I complained about life being unfair to a kind lady like her. When my life was in a mess, I complained about why is the world so unfair. When I was down and out, I complained why is it that no one understood me. When I was sick, I complained why I was so unlucky. The list continues.

Well, I must admit, it did feel good to let off all the negativity through complaining. BUT, what I soon noticed is that, the negative feelings usually returns...and sometimes, with more negativity. And I end up, being more unhappy with what's going on in my life.

This, I suppose, is because of the Law of Attraction. Like Attracts Like.

When we complain, what we are actually doing, is not just "releasing" the negative energy. What we fail to notice is that we are also sending out negative energy to the Universe. And the Universe would do what a kind Universe do...Send back more of such energy back at you.

Maybe that's why, people who usually goes through rough patches in their lives, seemingly stays in such rough patches for a long period of time...until some thing or some one comes and "rescue" them. Sometimes, never.

Thus, while complaining gives you the immediate release of negative energy and the "happy" feeling, it is, in my opinion, definitely not the way to true happiness.

As I have said, through the recent years of challenges, I realised that when I chose to see this from another perspective, things almost always get better...When I chose to appreciate more and give thanks.

Take for example, my mom's medical condition. It is something which is beyond my family and I. Not something which we can control or change. So, I can choose to be upset, and unhappy about it. OR, I can choose to be happy that my mom is still alive and that I still have time to spend with her.

So what if she may not understand what I am saying...She can still hear my voice...
So what if she may not be able to tell me exactly what she wants to say...I can still hear speak...
So what if she may not be able to walk...I can still push her around in a wheelchair to where we want to go...
So what if she may not be able to eat properly on her own...I can take care of her, the way she did when I was younger.

And more importantly, I chose to see the love that my family has for her.

From all these wonderful things that I am already bestowed, what's there to complain about?

Same for other aspects of my life...

Come to think of it...I am already blessed with so much.

Cheers!
Ken

Attracting The Wrong Types...Part 2

Good day again.

This posting is a continuation from my previous as some of my friends have requested for more information.

Well, here goes and I hope this is useful.

As previously mentioned, Self Esteem is the key reason for one to keep attracting the wrong types in relationship. And that people with low self esteem would send out different energy as those people with high self esteem.

Recently, a friend of mine came to have a talk with me and we had a discussion about it. I posed her the following questions and interestingly, her answers kind of matched what I had in mind too.

"How would one feel towards him/herself..." and "What would you do or be like"
1) ...if attracting nice and good people is intended?"
2) ...if attracting 'weird' people is intended?" (weird as in, people who seems to like you, but are making you feel awkward or acting weirdly around you. These people make you guess their feelings for you.)
3) ...if attracting (pardon my language) jerks?"

Before I give you the answers I gathered, please do answer these questions and list down what are the feelings that you would have towards yourself, if you were in one of the above three positions.

E.g, I would feel Confident if I want to attract nice and good people. And that I would be friendly and nice.

Next, let's see how many of our answers matches.

For 1)
Feelings => Confident, feel good, passionate, clear, positive, strong.
Do/Be like => Genuinely nice, friendly, caring.

For 2)
Feelings => Nice, Feels like being taken for granted, cautious, unclear, doubting.
Do/Be like => Getting wrong ideas or worried about giving wrong ideas and impression.

For 3)
Feelings => Insecure, desires attention, have alot of wants but afraid of wanting.
Do/Be like => Fun, Flirts (in some cases), loose, party alot, be quiet, self conscious, hiding behind walls or emotional barriers.

I can't say for sure that the above answers may not represent everyone. However, the answers that you give may not be too different as above.

So, as you can see for yourself, there is a similar pattern. Just as my friend did.

And she posed me this question, "So what is it that this person should work on first?"

My straight answer was, "Instead of finding the 'right' person', work on self first."

If you want to attract the right type in your life, you have the be a right type yourself.

If you want to attract the right one for yourself, you have to first be clear and confident about what you want and know you deserve.

If you want to attract the love of your life, you have to first be able to love yourself.

It is that simple.



So the question which you would want to ask yourself is this. "What is it that you want?"

If you answer is "I don't know", then good news. In the next article, I will share with you how to find out what you want.

Til then,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! And may your new year be prosperous and health be with you and your family!!!

Cheers!
Ken

Attracting The Wrong Types...Part 1

We have all seen and heard many stories whereby Girl Meets Guys, thinks she met her dream guy, only to have her heart ripped, torn and shattered to pieces. Girl then moves on. And meets another "dream" guy, only to have the same terrible thing happen to her again. Finally, Girl decides she has had enough of "love". But just as she almost wants to give up, another "dream" guy comes along to sweep her off her feet. And this must be the ONE! But alas...the cycle and drama continues.

On one hand, it would seem that this Girl is unlucky and that she is destined to meet with all the Wrong guys?

But wait, is it truly luck? Or is there some other underlying force that is causing all these?

Ok, I shall not say that I have the ANSWER. But, I am quite sure that what I am about to say, explains the cause of WHY some girls (maybe all) just keep attracting the wrong guys.

Low Self Esteem.

Instinctively, Men has a natural wanting to protect the Opposite sex. And they are drawn to situation where they can show this wonderful ability of theirs. That they are strong, powerful and able to stand up for the ladies.

So what does have to do with Low Self Esteem?

In my opinion, ALOT.

A girl with low self esteem sends out energy that is almost like a S.O.S signal from a sinking ship. This could be done intentionally (when the girl chooses to play victim) or unintentionally (when the girl is in denial of her own predicament).

This energy is naturally received by the men around them and so what happens? Guys instinctively turn hero mode and rescues "damsel in distress". And the relationship turned into a so called fairytale, damsel falls in love with hero while hero feels his ego being rubbed in just the right way when damsel "thank" him by showering attention and love upon him.

However, as time goes by, Guy discovers that his feelings for damsel wasn't love, but something else. That it all started in the wrong way. That what the girl was giving was more that he could receive. And what happens? Guy initiates breakoff with girl and girl just can't understand what went wrong.

In the above case, it would be what I would call a happier scenario, where the guy was unintentional and unaware about what happened and gets into the relationship. Yes, he still hurts the girl. But at least, he keeps the hurt short and sharp.

However, in the sadder cases, guys who are SPECIALISTS in detecting the low self esteem energy from girls and deliberately take advantage of the girls, physically, emotionally and monetarily. And such guys do not let girls go. Continuing the "torture" and inflicting intentional hurt on the poor victim.

I personally, have seen some of my female friends being in such a terrible predicament. And the worse part of it is this. THEY CAN'T LET GO, or REFUSES TO LET GO, despite the whole world telling them that it is all wrong. It is like, if they admit that they have made the wrong mistake, their whole world would crumble and they will die...literally.

Sad, isn't it?

So, ladies, if this has been happening to you or happening to your friend, LISTEN up please.

To overcome this problem and prevent it completely, take a step back and reflect.

A few key questions to ask.
"What do you truly feel about yourself and towards yourself?"
"When you look into the mirror, can you be honest with yourself and claim that you truly deserve a wonderful relationship?"
"Can you even pictured yourself being in a good relationship?"

If the answers to the above question is just a Maybe, or Erm...Then, the answer is in fact, No.

And unless this root problem is fixed, the vicious cycle just keeps going on and on and on. We need to raise the self esteem to a level which would draw the right kind of guys or girls (for some guys, the same problem exists too).

I guess, a good way to sum this all up would be in this next phrase. If you can't love yourself right, others won't either.

Ladies (and some guys). What I hope, that would get across to you is this. Know that it is your birthright to have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship. Nothing and no one would want to stop you from getting into one...No one except you.

So, please decide.

If you are already in a destructive relationship, either physically or emotionally, GET OUT OF IT NOW. You are already dying in it. And getting out is the only way to live again.

Cheers!
Ken

P.S. Apologies for the long delay. Have been really busy lately. Well, if you are asking me about what? Well, two main reasons. One, I am shifting house again. And two...Secret! haha. :P

Thanks for visiting again. :) Will update soon.

Enhancing Communication...Awareness and Acceptance

Good day Friends. :)

Recently just completed several camps where I got to meet with a lot of wonderful campers and resources. Thanks guys, it was great! Please rest while you still can and get ready for 2010. :) Be GREAT!

One of the key things which I have learnt and reinforced over the past weeks was that for better communication, it is not the tools that we use or the words which we say or how we say it. Rather it is how we start our conversation with the other party. And I found that the best way is to start with any conversation with Awareness of Self and Acceptance of Others.

Awareness of Self puts us in a position whereby we become conscious of what we are doing. Instead of REACTING to what others are saying.

Going into a conversation with "what is he going to say", "why is he talking to me this way", "oh no, not again..." Usually starts off the conversation on the wrong foot. This happens when we have perceived ideas of what is going to be said, how it is going to be said and how it is going to affect us...even though it may not be true.

And what's weird is that, somehow, we unconsciously make these perceived ideas come true, thus turning the conversation towards the wrong direction.

Recall your last argument or quarrel. What were you thinking of even before the conversation started?

Thus, Awareness of Self before and throughout the entire conversation is crucial. It gives you control over what you want to say, instead of allowing your EGO to take over and reacting all the time.

The second aspect to work on, is still SELF. It is on working on self to accepting the other person in the conversation. Acceptance of what the other person is saying, expressing and feeling. I suppose this would be the hardest to do, for anyone. However, it could also be the noblest thing one could ever do...not just for the other person, but for yourself.

Can you talk to someone that you dislike and still accept his/her ideas without prejudice and biasness? Can you talk to a stranger and still have the patience to listen, just as you would to your friends? Can you talk to your family members without bringing the past events into the present?

As you would see, it all begins from you.

Effective communication is only possible if we put in the effort in the above two areas.

I could only hope that people who are in a tussle could realise this and come to a resolve through Self Awareness and Acceptance...

Please Give Me Your Blog Addr For Relink. :)

Good day friends.

Please give me your blog addr again for relink. Just redesigned my blog, however, lost every links.

Thanks!

Losing of the EGO is like falling in an endless pit.

Dear friends.

Firstly, CONGRATs for all who have completed the final lap of the year, EXAMS. :)

Do remember, TAKE A BREAK and go have fun. :) You DESERVE IT!!!!

Back to my title...A realisation I gotten through my talk with someone important. :)

"Losing of the EGO is like falling in an endless pit"...

Firstly, what is EGO again? If your remember my last entries, EGO is creating an Identity with Something. Ego creates a perceived Self. Who we think we are. Or what we claim and believe that we are. It is like a "life role" that we assume.

For example, we could assume certain attributes about ourself and say things like, "I am Strong", "I am Creative", "I am Special". And the most common EGO that you get to hear from people would be, "I am right" and "you are wrong."

I must first state that, there is nothing wrong with having EGOs. From the time we were born, our EGOs have served us so that we can "survive" up to today and we are able to function in the current environment.

However, when we assume our EGOs for too long, and forgotten our true self, goodness and essence, that is when, we LOSE OURSELF and problems start to arise.

Conflicts happen when we fight for what we identify as "right". Fights happen when we refuse to accept our own "wrongs". Wars start when we over identify with our ways as the only way.

Just look at the wars over the history of mankind. It has always started because of Super EGOs. Example, World War II was because of Hitler, genocide in Iraq and invasion of Kuwait by Saddam Hussein, genocide in Cambodia by Pol Pot.

However, all is not lost. Once we are able to release our EGOs and start to believe in the true goodness in our true self, and our essence, we usually find ourselves achieving miraculous things that some times surprises even ourselves.

Ask yourself these questions. Weren't there moments when you were so impressed by yourself and what you do? How were you like during those moments? Isn't it true that those are the moments which you feel that you are supported by EVERYTHING around you?

Dear friends, those are the moments which I believe you are in touch with your true self and totally away from your EGO, or perceived self. And that's the reason why, you achieved greatness.

During those moments, you perform at a level that is comparable to great people of human history like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Theresa, Confucius.

That seed of greatness is within you...and everyone around you.

That's the wonderful news.

But the sad news is this. To consciously be working on releasing our EGOs is terribly frightening.

Can you imagine this. To release your EGO can likened to releasing your Defense mechanism completely and exposing your vulnerability to the world? It is like, you are throwing away your survival skills which you have relied on from the day you were born. It is like putting your life in the hands of others, to become like a baby again.

That is how scary it is.

I feel that "falling in an endless pit" describes the feeling nicely. It is like letting go of something that you have been clinging on for dear life and suddenly, you decide to let go and just fall. While falling, the fear just keeps coming and gets stronger because you never know when your doom would come.

AhhhHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT, that's what we must face. That's the fear which we must learn to deal with, if we want to get in touch again with our true self and essence. And once you are in touch with that true self and essence, you find that your fears simply dissolve...All fear simply dissolve and you feel like you are not falling anymore...Rather, you feel like you are just floating...Likened to the feeling of a baby in the mother's womb.

The most powerful thing is that, once you are in touch with your true self and essence. You discover that all along, there is no fear at all. That, you are always loved and supported. That the universe is always behind you. That everything that you need is already around you. You are grounded and present. And more importantly, you are in touch with Being.

Who or what is this being, you may ask...I can't say. But, the closest I can suggest is maybe this.

NOT DEFINITIVE.

In Christianity, when you release the EGO, I suppose that is when you are able to be truly in touch with God. Because, you are in touch with the goodness that is already planted in you from the day you were born. In touch with the love that has been bestowed.

In Buddhism, it is a state of nothingness...Nirvana. Where you stop working on what is truly important in life and not what is transcient and meaningless.

I hope that I have not confused you. However, I am truly excited at my realization today. Have embarked on this journey...Long and Arduous but worth every effort.

:)

PSLE!!!

Dear friends who are taking PSLE.

You will do great. Just remember, stay calm and relax. A relaxed mind and body would enable one to recall information better. Therefore, enough good quality rest and a healthy diet is important too.

I am sure you have done your part and put in hard work for your PSLE. Do your best and great results will follow.

ALL THE BEST!

The Coming Exam Game!

Dear friends,

This post will be short as I know that a lot of you would be busy with your exam preparation.

The only message which I would like to send out to you would be this.

Look straight into the mirror, into that person that is staring back at you. Ask yourself this question..."Have I put in the deserving efforts to make sure I would do well for my exam?"

Wait for 1 min...and listen to your gut, heart and mind. The answer would ensure a good result...if you follow it.

I wish all students...THE BEST for the exams.

Cheers!
Ken

Get Back Up Again...No Matter How Hard!

Dear Friends.

I would like to share this wonderful video which has taught me a lot. I hope that this video would bring you great inspiration to facing any obstacles you may have now, or in future.

One Of The World's Greatest Inspiration Of The Human Spirit.

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

Dear friends,

If you are reading this now, you should be listening to the song, "If Tomorrow Never Comes", playing in the background. Reason I put this song on is because of the wonderful meaning behind it.

Here are two paragraphs which I found to be exceptionally touching and meaningful.

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

This is a song, not just for your spouse or boy/girlfriend, but for anyone who you care and love. They would be your grandparents, your siblings, your children, your friends.

If you were to ask yourself this question,
"Did I try in every way to show her every day that she's my only one"
This would allow us to consciously put in effort to make every moment that we have with our loved ones a special day, to let them know that they are special.

Otherwise, we may have to live with regrets as the song goes:
"Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed"

Personally, I have experienced this before and the pain is terrible. We can never turn back time, nor to revive our loved ones. However what you can do is to work on NOW.

Tell those you love, that you love them. Those that you care, that you care for them. And those who loves you, thank you. For at the end of the day, it is not your work that matters, or the amount of money you have that matters, or the number of properties you own that matters.

It is these people you love that matters.

A wonderful video to share - Dr Pausch on Oprah

Dear friends,

If you go through my blog history, you would notice that I wrote an article called Last Lecture, which was inspired by Dr Pausch.

I would like to share this video clip whereby Dr Pausch gave his lecture on Oprah's show.

I am sure you would get something wonderful from this short 10 mins clip.

Enjoy!

Power Of Kindness - Humility

Dear friends.

Hope all of you are doing well.

Recently, I have chanced upon another wonderful book (well, it was one month ago actually) called "The Power Of Kindess" by Piero Ferrucci, Psychosynthesis Practioner.

This book tells of all the amazing possibilities one can achieve through leading of a life of genuine kindness and it is divided into 19 parts or areas of Kindness, e.g. Empathy, Patience, Warmth, Honesty, Sense of Belonging, etc. Through which, Piero gave several intepretations and explanations on how Kindness would be able to "change" the world, both the world AROUND us...and the world INSIDE us.

I am going to start off this series of sharing based on the book, on the different aspect of Kindness and, share my feel about it. It would be great if I can get to hear from you too, and possibly, your own personal experience.

For today, I would like to touch on "Humility".

Quoted from Piero's book,

"Humility places us in a state where learning becomes possible. It gives us the taste of simplicity; and when we are simpler, we are also more genuine. Humility put into practice allows us to touch reality as it is...I am one among many, mortal and limited, a human beings among human beings. I do not have to prove myself superior to anyone. Others exist, each with their needs, their realities, their hopes and their dramas, and I am one among billions of people who exist on this planet..."

Without Humility, learning ceases. Once we start to say that we know enough, it is the the time we stopped learning. But more importantly, without Humility, we start to feel that we are superior as compared to others. We feel that we know more, we are better, we are smarter than others. And this is where problems arises.

One very good example would be of teachers and their students.

It is known that teachers who are humble enough to know that they do not know everything, and that they, too, make mistakes are usually the teachers who are better accepted by students and well loved.

On the other hand, teachers who uses their position and assume they know more things than the students, that they are "better", are usually those who are disliked by the students.

One personal experience that I can share now, is my Brazilian Jujitsu training.

We now have Jaguar, a BJJ blackbelter, training us. And the entire class respects him thoroughly.

NOT because of the fact that he can possibly kill us all with his techniques (which he can, especially since he trains and teaches for Mixed Martial Arts, Kickboxing and Capoeira.) And also not because his build is bigger than most of us.

The class respects him because of his humility...even as our teacher.

Jaguar would provide us with training and as best as he could, explanations about it. But he would always, and I mean, ALWAYS, assume there are better techniques than the ones he taught us, and ask us for our feedback/questions.

I am grateful that I have a teacher like him.

My other teacher, Darren, is also similar. He is the Gym master who is well trained in many Arts. E.g. He is a blackbelter in Hapkido. And as a Hapkido blackbelter, he is considered a "Master". But, he never wants to be called a "Master". And when he is, he would always ask people not to do so, saying, "I, myself, am still learning. So, don't call me a master."

And it is so true. We are always learning. So how can we become a "Master" when we do not know EVERYTHING.

As what Confucius said,

知之为知之,

不知为不知,

是知也

When you know that you know, let people know. So that people may be able to add on and you can learn.

When you know that you don't know, let people know. So that people may be able to teach you and you can learn.

That is called Knowing.

In short, have humility and you get to learn and grow.

However, in other aspects of our lives, the same applies. Through humility, we get to build a stronger bond with others. It could be our friends, colleagues, loved ones, and family members.

We must accept that we can never know everything about a person, which is why, there is always something new to learn from them. And with humility, you know that you want to learn more, and NOT to compete with the other person WHO KNOWS MORE.

When you have humility, people accepts you better. Without humility, people will move away from you.

Again, by Confucius.

三人行必有我师

When we are with others, there is a teacher amongst them.

When you have humility, genuine respect for others will follow. And that respect would be returned in favour.

Regards,

Ken

Love Is A Behaviour...Feelings Come After The Behaviour.

The above title was taken from the 5 languages of love. And I felt that it was appropriate that I continued to add on to the previous two articles which I wrote based on this great book.

In the book, it is said that love is a behaviour and it is this behaviour which creates the feeling. Yes, Love is a type of behaviour and choice that you make, and this choice would create the feeling of you being in love with the other person.

It is true that there is a feeling of being in love. Scientifically, it is proven that during the "In Love" period, three neurotransmitters of your brain are highly active, namely Adrenaline, Dopamine and Serotonin. These three work together and gives you a natural high, thus, the feeling of being "In Love".

In this period of time, you see all the amazing things about your other half. And when you do see something which is wrong/not right, the phrase "love conquers all" comes into play.

But, the key thing to note that these reactions in the brain lasts for about 18 months. Following which, all the amazing things which your other half was doing suddenly seems to irritate you alittle. And all the things which were wrong/not right, suddenly seems to be sooooooooo WRONG. The way he sits, walks, talks. The way she answers, eat, sleep. Everything that you were "blind" to in the past, are now a pain in your neck.

For some, it is earlier, some later. But the important thing to note is that, you can't rely on chemical reactions to keep a relationship going, just as you can't rely on enhancement drugs to better your performance in sports.

So, how do you sustain this relationship?

The key word which I have learned would be COMMITMENT.

And it has to start from the beginning of the relationship, to the day that we die. It is about commitment.

E.g.
"Will you stand by _______________, care for her, hold her in the highest regard and die with this love you have for her untarnished in your heart?
Will you stand by _____________, care for him, hold him in the highest regard, and die with this love you have for him untarnished in your heart?"

As you can see from the above example of a wedding minister's script, it boils down to asking the wedding couple to make the decision about their holy matrimony.

And for this decision to last, it definitely takes COMMITMENT.

Yes, commitment to say that there is only this one way. Commitment to say that I WILL, MUST AND SHALL make this relationship work. Commitment to say that all the things which I do shall contribute towards making the relationship better and stronger...until I die.

I am glad to say that, I have had the fortune of seeing relationships around me becoming stronger and stronger over the years, because of the same commitment both parties have for each other and their relationship.

However, I have also seen relationships breaking apart simply because one or both parties have stopped committing to making their relationship work. They, so to speak, "forgot" about this commitment they have made and replaced it with other more important things.

Well, if you were to ask me, is there really the ONE for you out there? Well, my answer would be...You make that person you love, YOUR ONE. It is your choice. And if your other half has also made the same choice, then, I am sure your relationship would be great and grow through the years. This same commitment that you both have, is the ingredient to making each other, THE ONE.

However, do be careful of your choice. :) Do not foolishly commit to a relationship when you already sense or know that your other half has one foot out the door.

That's the end of this long article. :)

Well, I do hope to hear from you about your comments or questions. Please leave a message. BTW, please also register on the right. I will have more articles soon.

Cheers!
Ken

Back..and boy, do I feel great.

Dear friends,

guess who's back. :)

Well, really sorry that I hadn't been able to upload any articles over the past month or so due to work. I hope that all is great going in your life.

A little update on my side. Was busying running camps after camps, and I am really really happy that the past weeks have gone so smoothly. Thanks to all the great staff and resources for making the trip so memorable. :) You are the best!!!

Now that I am back, it is only right that I make some changes to my blog and to update it. :) Thus, the first change you would notice is that I have changed the background to something of the lighter shade. Hope you like the simpler design.

Now, my first post after my absence.

I would like to write a bit more about the 5 languages of love again. :) Yes, you heard me.

Why? You may ask. Well, reason being, I have experienced the benefits of this book personally through my one month's time overseas. And those who I have shared the book with have only good comments about it. I even had a friend who messaged me from Indonesia (after I am back) that he is getting a great deal of value out of the book and thanked me for introducing him to it.

So for today, I hope that this little article would convince you to go get the 5 Languages of Love by Dr Gary Chapman.

The Language Of Love at work/school.

Some of you may be wondering, "Wait a minute, Ken, what does the language of love have to do with work/school? I am not in love with anyone in my office/school."

But the truth is, Language of Love is not just for love relationship between spouse, couples and lovers. It is for ALL kinds of relationship. Between friends, colleagues, peers, employer/employer, acquaintance, relatives and family members. That relationship can be called "love" too, only at a different level.

So, between you and your colleagues/schoolmates, it can be said that you have a relationship with them, and this relationship is based on "love".

And if it is based on love, then, the languages would definitely apply.

At work, the importance of understanding the languages is of utmost importance if you want to create a condusive working/studying environment that is productive and effective. And if you are holding a leadership role as a project leader, manager, employer, class chairperson, etc.

How would you feel, if you were to be working in a team where your needs are met, and you are recognised for your skills, talents and contributions? How would your team members feel, if you too are able to see their good qualities and able to offer them the recognition they desire/deserve? I believe that in such an environment, your team is bound to produce excellent results and everyone is nurtured and can is 100% committed to making sure the entire project runs well and succeed.

On the other hand, if you are working with a boss that is 100% critical of you. No matter what you do, you are criticised. No matter how much time and effort you put in, you are still not doing enough. And that no matter how many successful projects you complete, you are only remembered for those projects which you have failed in. In such an environment, I am sure that you would feel demoralised and barely have the energy to putting in your best for the work.

Therefore, for any organisation to perform at an optimum level, it is important that each and every team member's language is identified. And when recognitions is due, be awarded SINCERELY (very importantly, sincerely awarded) in the form which the team member would feel most nurtured.

Let's say, you have two group members under your charge.

A's language of love is Words of Affirmation and B's is Present/Gift. In understanding this, you would be a wise leader to award them the appropriate reward to recognise them.

For example, praise A on the wonderful work that he has done, or how his contributions has helped made the project successful. Nurture him through small talks where you can tell him how nice he looks with his tie, or he has good taste in clothes, etc. Remember, these must be done with sincerity. Don't do it as if you have programmed yourself to do so. Sincerity can be sensed, so is Insincerity.

It is important to note that a good leader must be direct and honest when it comes to giving feedback on inappropriate actions or poor performance. BUT, it can still be done properly without condemnation, when it is done through "love".

If A needs a feedback session on his poor performance, you wouldn't want to say, "Look, your past few months' performance is really bad. You better pull up your socks or else, you're fired!" If you were to do that, A would most probably remember these words for a long long time, since his primary language is Words of Affirmation.

Rather, you can do it in a manner where the same message is sent across in a caring and sincere manner. For example, "Hey, I have noticed that your performance at work has been declining. I have seen how you conducted your work before and I know you can do much better. I am worried. Is there something that is bothering you? Would you want to discuss about it at a suitable time so we can see how we can work it out together?" Asking in a genuine manner, and talking to A in such a manner would definitely be a better option, rather than jumping at him for no doing his work.

The same can be done as with other language of love. To give feedback in the different languages, the following is possible:

1) Gifts - a little card with a little message of reminder.
2) A pat on the shoulder to show you are concerned (of course, recommended only when both are of the same sex.)
3) Sitting down at a coffee joint and just chitchating about anything else other than work or project. Talk about that person and be present for that person.
4) Offer to help a little when you know that person is overwhelmed.

The possibilities are endless. While it takes effort (HEY, ALL RELATIONSHIP TAKES EFFORT), but, I am sure you would make the right decision for yourself and those you care about.

I hope that this will prove useful for you in the long term. :)

I think, I would like to leave you with a little phrase I thought of.

"A Little Sincerity and Kindness Goes A Long Way."

Through the language of love, imagine the impact you can make in a person's life. I know it did and still is for me.

Love,
Ken.

Will be Away.

Dear friends.

Apologies for the not updating with any articles lately as am currently going through the peak periods. :)

Will update you all real soon.

Til then, please take care of yourself!

Cheers!
Ken

Cambodia Pictures.

Dear Friends

I have uploaded my pictures (part of it) to Facebook. The link is below.

Part 1
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Part 2
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Enjoy. Will upload more tonight. :)