Love Is A Behaviour...Feelings Come After The Behaviour.

The above title was taken from the 5 languages of love. And I felt that it was appropriate that I continued to add on to the previous two articles which I wrote based on this great book.

In the book, it is said that love is a behaviour and it is this behaviour which creates the feeling. Yes, Love is a type of behaviour and choice that you make, and this choice would create the feeling of you being in love with the other person.

It is true that there is a feeling of being in love. Scientifically, it is proven that during the "In Love" period, three neurotransmitters of your brain are highly active, namely Adrenaline, Dopamine and Serotonin. These three work together and gives you a natural high, thus, the feeling of being "In Love".

In this period of time, you see all the amazing things about your other half. And when you do see something which is wrong/not right, the phrase "love conquers all" comes into play.

But, the key thing to note that these reactions in the brain lasts for about 18 months. Following which, all the amazing things which your other half was doing suddenly seems to irritate you alittle. And all the things which were wrong/not right, suddenly seems to be sooooooooo WRONG. The way he sits, walks, talks. The way she answers, eat, sleep. Everything that you were "blind" to in the past, are now a pain in your neck.

For some, it is earlier, some later. But the important thing to note is that, you can't rely on chemical reactions to keep a relationship going, just as you can't rely on enhancement drugs to better your performance in sports.

So, how do you sustain this relationship?

The key word which I have learned would be COMMITMENT.

And it has to start from the beginning of the relationship, to the day that we die. It is about commitment.

E.g.
"Will you stand by _______________, care for her, hold her in the highest regard and die with this love you have for her untarnished in your heart?
Will you stand by _____________, care for him, hold him in the highest regard, and die with this love you have for him untarnished in your heart?"

As you can see from the above example of a wedding minister's script, it boils down to asking the wedding couple to make the decision about their holy matrimony.

And for this decision to last, it definitely takes COMMITMENT.

Yes, commitment to say that there is only this one way. Commitment to say that I WILL, MUST AND SHALL make this relationship work. Commitment to say that all the things which I do shall contribute towards making the relationship better and stronger...until I die.

I am glad to say that, I have had the fortune of seeing relationships around me becoming stronger and stronger over the years, because of the same commitment both parties have for each other and their relationship.

However, I have also seen relationships breaking apart simply because one or both parties have stopped committing to making their relationship work. They, so to speak, "forgot" about this commitment they have made and replaced it with other more important things.

Well, if you were to ask me, is there really the ONE for you out there? Well, my answer would be...You make that person you love, YOUR ONE. It is your choice. And if your other half has also made the same choice, then, I am sure your relationship would be great and grow through the years. This same commitment that you both have, is the ingredient to making each other, THE ONE.

However, do be careful of your choice. :) Do not foolishly commit to a relationship when you already sense or know that your other half has one foot out the door.

That's the end of this long article. :)

Well, I do hope to hear from you about your comments or questions. Please leave a message. BTW, please also register on the right. I will have more articles soon.

Cheers!
Ken