Back..and boy, do I feel great.

Dear friends,

guess who's back. :)

Well, really sorry that I hadn't been able to upload any articles over the past month or so due to work. I hope that all is great going in your life.

A little update on my side. Was busying running camps after camps, and I am really really happy that the past weeks have gone so smoothly. Thanks to all the great staff and resources for making the trip so memorable. :) You are the best!!!

Now that I am back, it is only right that I make some changes to my blog and to update it. :) Thus, the first change you would notice is that I have changed the background to something of the lighter shade. Hope you like the simpler design.

Now, my first post after my absence.

I would like to write a bit more about the 5 languages of love again. :) Yes, you heard me.

Why? You may ask. Well, reason being, I have experienced the benefits of this book personally through my one month's time overseas. And those who I have shared the book with have only good comments about it. I even had a friend who messaged me from Indonesia (after I am back) that he is getting a great deal of value out of the book and thanked me for introducing him to it.

So for today, I hope that this little article would convince you to go get the 5 Languages of Love by Dr Gary Chapman.

The Language Of Love at work/school.

Some of you may be wondering, "Wait a minute, Ken, what does the language of love have to do with work/school? I am not in love with anyone in my office/school."

But the truth is, Language of Love is not just for love relationship between spouse, couples and lovers. It is for ALL kinds of relationship. Between friends, colleagues, peers, employer/employer, acquaintance, relatives and family members. That relationship can be called "love" too, only at a different level.

So, between you and your colleagues/schoolmates, it can be said that you have a relationship with them, and this relationship is based on "love".

And if it is based on love, then, the languages would definitely apply.

At work, the importance of understanding the languages is of utmost importance if you want to create a condusive working/studying environment that is productive and effective. And if you are holding a leadership role as a project leader, manager, employer, class chairperson, etc.

How would you feel, if you were to be working in a team where your needs are met, and you are recognised for your skills, talents and contributions? How would your team members feel, if you too are able to see their good qualities and able to offer them the recognition they desire/deserve? I believe that in such an environment, your team is bound to produce excellent results and everyone is nurtured and can is 100% committed to making sure the entire project runs well and succeed.

On the other hand, if you are working with a boss that is 100% critical of you. No matter what you do, you are criticised. No matter how much time and effort you put in, you are still not doing enough. And that no matter how many successful projects you complete, you are only remembered for those projects which you have failed in. In such an environment, I am sure that you would feel demoralised and barely have the energy to putting in your best for the work.

Therefore, for any organisation to perform at an optimum level, it is important that each and every team member's language is identified. And when recognitions is due, be awarded SINCERELY (very importantly, sincerely awarded) in the form which the team member would feel most nurtured.

Let's say, you have two group members under your charge.

A's language of love is Words of Affirmation and B's is Present/Gift. In understanding this, you would be a wise leader to award them the appropriate reward to recognise them.

For example, praise A on the wonderful work that he has done, or how his contributions has helped made the project successful. Nurture him through small talks where you can tell him how nice he looks with his tie, or he has good taste in clothes, etc. Remember, these must be done with sincerity. Don't do it as if you have programmed yourself to do so. Sincerity can be sensed, so is Insincerity.

It is important to note that a good leader must be direct and honest when it comes to giving feedback on inappropriate actions or poor performance. BUT, it can still be done properly without condemnation, when it is done through "love".

If A needs a feedback session on his poor performance, you wouldn't want to say, "Look, your past few months' performance is really bad. You better pull up your socks or else, you're fired!" If you were to do that, A would most probably remember these words for a long long time, since his primary language is Words of Affirmation.

Rather, you can do it in a manner where the same message is sent across in a caring and sincere manner. For example, "Hey, I have noticed that your performance at work has been declining. I have seen how you conducted your work before and I know you can do much better. I am worried. Is there something that is bothering you? Would you want to discuss about it at a suitable time so we can see how we can work it out together?" Asking in a genuine manner, and talking to A in such a manner would definitely be a better option, rather than jumping at him for no doing his work.

The same can be done as with other language of love. To give feedback in the different languages, the following is possible:

1) Gifts - a little card with a little message of reminder.
2) A pat on the shoulder to show you are concerned (of course, recommended only when both are of the same sex.)
3) Sitting down at a coffee joint and just chitchating about anything else other than work or project. Talk about that person and be present for that person.
4) Offer to help a little when you know that person is overwhelmed.

The possibilities are endless. While it takes effort (HEY, ALL RELATIONSHIP TAKES EFFORT), but, I am sure you would make the right decision for yourself and those you care about.

I hope that this will prove useful for you in the long term. :)

I think, I would like to leave you with a little phrase I thought of.

"A Little Sincerity and Kindness Goes A Long Way."

Through the language of love, imagine the impact you can make in a person's life. I know it did and still is for me.

Love,
Ken.

Will be Away.

Dear friends.

Apologies for the not updating with any articles lately as am currently going through the peak periods. :)

Will update you all real soon.

Til then, please take care of yourself!

Cheers!
Ken

Cambodia Pictures.

Dear Friends

I have uploaded my pictures (part of it) to Facebook. The link is below.

Part 1
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Part 2
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Enjoy. Will upload more tonight. :)

An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love.

Dear Friends.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I would write something about the book "An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love" By Richard and Kristine Carlson. So here goes.

Firstly, I strongly recommend all to read this book. The message inside is truly meaningful and sets your thinking, whether we are chasing the right things in life and missing out on what's truly magical and important.

A little background into the book.

3 years before the Richard's 18th wedding anniversary, he wrote a letter titled "An Hour To Live" and intended to give it to his wife during the anniversary.

And the book started with this letter, where Richard expresses his feelings and thoughts for all the things which he is grateful for and blessed with, particularly the love that he and his wife, Kristine, shares. It was the most wonderful and memorable gift ever given to Kristine.

Sadly, Richard passed away suddenly during a flight.

To continue his wishes and to spread his love, Kristine decided to complete this "book" with the second half called, "An Hour To Love". Thus the title, An Hour To Live, And Hour To love.

I shall not divuldge too much about what was written. But, I would like to share Richard's favourite Poem, which is also included in the book. (Note: Poem seems to have two sources, which I can't verify. But in the book, it is said to be written by Norma Cornett Marek for her son, while I found sources which says it is written by Dr H Solomon. If you can confirm, please let me know which is accurate? Thanks!)

DO GET THIS BOOK! You will love it. :)

Thanks to Pris for introducing this great book to me.

If I Knew or Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say “I love you,”
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I’m sure you’ll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say “I love you,”
And certainly there’s another chance
to say our “Anything I can do?”

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll surely regret the day,

That you didn’t take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you’ll always hold them dear

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”
“Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” or “It’s okay.”
And if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll have no regrets about today.

Dedicated To My Dad.

Dear friends,

This blog is dedicated to my dad.

The past few years of our lives have been filled with many challenges, emotionally, mentally and physically. But it was also because of all these challenges which showed me the love that my father has for my mom.

You see, my mom is down with an illness which is called Cortical Basal Degeneration. Basically, a portion of her brain is degenerating and affects her mind, and basically everything from her speech, balance to movement. Basically, nothing can be done to help her. Maybe just prayers after prayers.

Well, it is heart-wrenching to see how the condition of my mom developed over the years. And my dad would probably be the most heartbroken of all, though he doesn't show it.

My dad is a typical conservative chinese from the post WW2 period. Tradition and non-expressive when it comes to feelings and emotions. I even remember times when the children asked him questions about his relationship with mom and he would start to turn "shy", laugh it off and put up his usual strong front again.

So, talking to my dad about feelings and emotions would be quite tough for the entire family. In my whole life, I have only seen my dad cried once. That was when my grand father passed away in China.

However, I guess that since the time my mother's condition was diagnosed, and the few times when my mom suffered some major falls, my dad was crying inside his heart and was angry with himself for what is happening to my mom.

Now, my dad would take my mom to the toilet, help her with change of clothes, cook for and feed her, use the dryer to dry my mom's hair, wheel her around and support her in and out of the car. BUT, he is not doing this out of pity, sympathy or responsibility to my mom.

He is doing this out of love for my mom.

I respect my dad for that. He truly has an undying love for my mom.

I must apologise that, at this point in time, I do not know how I would want to continue with this.

This feels like a random blabbering on my part.

I guess the only thing which I hope for, for everyone reading this is that, that such love still exists. And there is such a person who would love you 100%, out there for you. You just need to put in effort to search for that person.

All the best.
Regards,
Ken

BTW, for the next post, I am inspired to write based on this book, "An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love", by the late Mr Richard Carlson. A friend of mine was sharing this story with me. So, just to set you thinking, if you know you have only one hour left to live in this world, who would you call? What would you do?