We Are Our Biggest Enemy

Fresh Updates

2010-09-07T19:59:00.001-07:00

Dear friends.

Truly sorry for the long absence. Well, this period of time, has really been exciting and new challenges are abound.

You see, in chinese saying, there are three major things that a Man will do in his whole life and they are namely, Entering into a new career, Getting married and House shifting. And usually, Man would spread it out at different years of his life.

However, I sorta completed all three in one year. And to add on to the list, I did just one more major thing…just to spice things up. And that is, conversion to a new religion.

So as you can see, it has been truly an interesting year. Details as below.

1) In case you still do not know, I am getting married in Nov. Yes, sorry to break so many hearts but I have finally found my ONE. I am happy, and she is happy (I think…haha. Not easy getting stuck to this Hyper Active man.)

Anyway, there are alot of preparations to be completed. Like guest invitation lists, wedding videos (self-editted and directed, you can call me, Ken Spielberg), booking of venues, honeymoon, etc. I feel that I can even become a wedding planner for other people. Maybe I should consider this option...Part Time. haha.

Well, I would be sending out invitation soon. As it will be a small family and close friend event, I must first apologise if you are not invited to my wedding dinner. However, if you like to join for my Church Wedding, do let me know. It will be on the 4th Nov. Entry requirement would be a 2000 word essay titled, “Why I should be invted to your church wedding.” Top 20 entries will earn an invitation card to my church wedding and the chance to give me ANGBAO. Hahaha.

Ok, enough of jokes. Once again, thank you to all my friends for your well wishes. My wife and I truly appreciate it.

2) House shifting. Yes, I have shifted to a new place and it is less that 3 years ago when I just did a shift. Come to think of it, house shifting seems to be my family hobby. Just alittle info about my new place. It is just a simple HDB. However, my room is a talking point for anyone who visits it. Two reasons:
i) It has a walk-in wardrobe and
ii) It has a toilet with a SEE THROUGH glass door.

The first is just normal as many couples have that nowadays. As for ii), well, let’s just say that no one will dare use it. Mainly because, whichever business you do inside my toilet, is open to viewing by people in my room. So if you don’t mind my staring when you are peeing, by all means, go ahead. Haha.

The only drawback is that it can get alittle bright in the daytime. So I am still finding ways to fix that.

However, I am really happy with this new place. The energy and feel of the place is good. I guess my next shift should be at least 3 years from now.

3) Career shift. I am now working for a large property company as their trainer under one of the subsidiaries. So, from working with children, teens and parents, to now, training adults, and millionaire property agents. A huge shift. But I look forward to the challenges ahead and of course, many opportunities of growth.

For all my past students and friends who have been through my training, I want to thank you for your support and I hope that I may be able to work with you in future again. Particularly if you are keen to enter into the property industry. Otherwise, I can still continue to coach you, if you need, on your personality development. Another of my passion. So do keep in touch and I would be more than happy to guide and advise as best as I can.

4) Religion conversion. I am learning now, on how to be a Catholic. Well, I guess the calling for me has come and the teachings are right for me. However, it is truly a struggle. There are many things which I need to change, particularly my “bad” habits. Lucky, I don’t have much to begin with. HAHAHA. So phew.

Well, it is a beginning of the new spiritual journey for me. However, I am sure it will lead me back to where I was and to where I am meant to be. So wish me luck. I will see you where you were and where you were meant to be too. Maybe different paths, different ways, different directions. But I am sure, we will meet. So let’s journey together.

Alrighty. With all that is said, I guess I would leave you all with two questions to think of before my next post (which I promise, wouldn’t be too late)…

“Are you happy with what you are doing now? If not, what is missing?”

Cheers!
Ken

One video before I go.

2010-05-07T06:44:00.001-07:00

Oh oh.

Just one nice video for all to watch.

Enjoy.

:)

Missing In Action

2010-05-07T06:40:00.000-07:00

Dear friends.

Apologies for the long absence as this period of time, I would be heavily involved in several huge projects. Which is why, I would need to put down my blogging time for a while.

What huge projects, you may ask...Well, my new house is one. Work. And of course, preparation for my big day.

Please excuse me yoh. :)

I will be back soon.

In the meantime, do register yourself so that once I am back and blogging, you would be notified immediately.

Cheers! and Best wishes!
Ken

Attracting the Wrong Types...Part 3

2010-04-08T10:15:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

As I have mentioned in Part 2, this last part would be on how to know who is the person for you.

I can't say that this is a definite formula...however, what I can say is that I have used this method on people around me to helping them uncover what they want...Especially in finding a suitable person.

So, a little background first.

When you ask your friends or people around you, "Do you know what you WANT in your partner?" or "Do you know what sort of partner you want?"...

The answers would usually be, "I don't know..." or you would get very vague answers from them, which indicates they don't really know.

But don't get mistaken nor give up. These people DO know what they want...It is just that, they don't know how to GET to knowing.

So start, simply ask them, "So what is it that you DON'T WANT in your partner?"

You can be sure, you would get a list of attributes or adjectives from here.

This is also the list that is important towards helping them find out the answers.

Here's how.

Let's take for example, Friend A says, "I don't want my partner to be a jerk. A flirt. I don't want my partner to be a bum also."

So, from here, you would get a list of the following:
1) Jerk.
2) Flirt.
3) Not a Bum.

Next, with each item, just ask, "So, what is a ______ like to you?" (E.g. What is a Jerk like?)

And from here, you would get another list of descriptions. Say, Jerk = irresponsible, vulgar, insensitive, crude, rude, etc.

This list would lead you to doing the last part. Which would be asking, "With those attributes in mind and that you don't want those attributes in your partner, can you now tell me what attributes you want in your partner now?"

And all you need to do with your friend is to simply tackle each adjective said.

For example,
Irresponsible = Responsible
Vulgar = Polite
Insensitive = Sensitive
Crude = Gentle
Rude = Well mannered

And if you want to go further into details, you can even ask your friends for some examples on each attributes, "So, how would you be able to see that this person you want is Responsible? What would he/she do?"

And voila. The process is quite complete. From here, you would have helped your friend to get a detailed description of NOT what your friend don't want, BUT of what your friend wants...with details and examples which he/she can see in real life.

Once again, to summarize it all.

1) Ask what they don't want.
2) For each attribute, ask for descriptions.
3) Following which, ask for the OPPOSITES of each attribute.
4) Get details and even visible examples.

There you have it.

Once again, I must say that this is not the formula. But what I do suggest is maybe you can try it and see whether it would work for you.

BTW, please also tag me or register your email so you can get updates.

Cheers!
Ken

How to be truly happy?

2010-03-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

I suppose that this would be the key question that all human being would ask at least once in their life...for some, maybe this is the only key question they are asking all their life.

To be honest, I don't have the answer either.

What I hope to share is maybe my personal feel and what I experienced over the challenging periods of my life.

I found my answers in a simple phrase. I don't remember where or when I learnt this from. And it goes like this, "Appreciate What You Have, And Not Complain About What You Don't."

For most people, the latter is so much easier to do. Who could blame them? It does feel good that we have people listening to our complaints...and better yet, start a "forum" with them to see who has a better complaint.

I have been through that myself. When my mom was down with her current illness, I complained about life being unfair to a kind lady like her. When my life was in a mess, I complained about why is the world so unfair. When I was down and out, I complained why is it that no one understood me. When I was sick, I complained why I was so unlucky. The list continues.

Well, I must admit, it did feel good to let off all the negativity through complaining. BUT, what I soon noticed is that, the negative feelings usually returns...and sometimes, with more negativity. And I end up, being more unhappy with what's going on in my life.

This, I suppose, is because of the Law of Attraction. Like Attracts Like.

When we complain, what we are actually doing, is not just "releasing" the negative energy. What we fail to notice is that we are also sending out negative energy to the Universe. And the Universe would do what a kind Universe do...Send back more of such energy back at you.

Maybe that's why, people who usually goes through rough patches in their lives, seemingly stays in such rough patches for a long period of time...until some thing or some one comes and "rescue" them. Sometimes, never.

Thus, while complaining gives you the immediate release of negative energy and the "happy" feeling, it is, in my opinion, definitely not the way to true happiness.

As I have said, through the recent years of challenges, I realised that when I chose to see this from another perspective, things almost always get better...When I chose to appreciate more and give thanks.

Take for example, my mom's medical condition. It is something which is beyond my family and I. Not something which we can control or change. So, I can choose to be upset, and unhappy about it. OR, I can choose to be happy that my mom is still alive and that I still have time to spend with her.

So what if she may not understand what I am saying...She can still hear my voice...
So what if she may not be able to tell me exactly what she wants to say...I can still hear speak...
So what if she may not be able to walk...I can still push her around in a wheelchair to where we want to go...
So what if she may not be able to eat properly on her own...I can take care of her, the way she did when I was younger.

And more importantly, I chose to see the love that my family has for her.

From all these wonderful things that I am already bestowed, what's there to complain about?

Same for other aspects of my life...

Come to think of it...I am already blessed with so much.

Cheers!
Ken

Attracting The Wrong Types...Part 2

2010-02-10T08:13:00.001-08:00

Good day again.

This posting is a continuation from my previous as some of my friends have requested for more information.

Well, here goes and I hope this is useful.

As previously mentioned, Self Esteem is the key reason for one to keep attracting the wrong types in relationship. And that people with low self esteem would send out different energy as those people with high self esteem.

Recently, a friend of mine came to have a talk with me and we had a discussion about it. I posed her the following questions and interestingly, her answers kind of matched what I had in mind too.

"How would one feel towards him/herself..." and "What would you do or be like"
1) ...if attracting nice and good people is intended?"
2) ...if attracting 'weird' people is intended?" (weird as in, people who seems to like you, but are making you feel awkward or acting weirdly around you. These people make you guess their feelings for you.)
3) ...if attracting (pardon my language) jerks?"

Before I give you the answers I gathered, please do answer these questions and list down what are the feelings that you would have towards yourself, if you were in one of the above three positions.

E.g, I would feel Confident if I want to attract nice and good people. And that I would be friendly and nice.

Next, let's see how many of our answers matches.

For 1)
Feelings => Confident, feel good, passionate, clear, positive, strong.
Do/Be like => Genuinely nice, friendly, caring.

For 2)
Feelings => Nice, Feels like being taken for granted, cautious, unclear, doubting.
Do/Be like => Getting wrong ideas or worried about giving wrong ideas and impression.

For 3)
Feelings => Insecure, desires attention, have alot of wants but afraid of wanting.
Do/Be like => Fun, Flirts (in some cases), loose, party alot, be quiet, self conscious, hiding behind walls or emotional barriers.

I can't say for sure that the above answers may not represent everyone. However, the answers that you give may not be too different as above.

So, as you can see for yourself, there is a similar pattern. Just as my friend did.

And she posed me this question, "So what is it that this person should work on first?"

My straight answer was, "Instead of finding the 'right' person', work on self first."

If you want to attract the right type in your life, you have the be a right type yourself.

If you want to attract the right one for yourself, you have to first be clear and confident about what you want and know you deserve.

If you want to attract the love of your life, you have to first be able to love yourself.

It is that simple.

So the question which you would want to ask yourself is this. "What is it that you want?"

If you answer is "I don't know", then good news. In the next article, I will share with you how to find out what you want.

Til then,

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!!! And may your new year be prosperous and health be with you and your family!!!

Cheers!
Ken

Attracting The Wrong Types...Part 1

2010-01-12T05:58:00.000-08:00

We have all seen and heard many stories whereby Girl Meets Guys, thinks she met her dream guy, only to have her heart ripped, torn and shattered to pieces. Girl then moves on. And meets another "dream" guy, only to have the same terrible thing happen to her again. Finally, Girl decides she has had enough of "love". But just as she almost wants to give up, another "dream" guy comes along to sweep her off her feet. And this must be the ONE! But alas...the cycle and drama continues.

On one hand, it would seem that this Girl is unlucky and that she is destined to meet with all the Wrong guys?

But wait, is it truly luck? Or is there some other underlying force that is causing all these?

Ok, I shall not say that I have the ANSWER. But, I am quite sure that what I am about to say, explains the cause of WHY some girls (maybe all) just keep attracting the wrong guys.

Low Self Esteem.

Instinctively, Men has a natural wanting to protect the Opposite sex. And they are drawn to situation where they can show this wonderful ability of theirs. That they are strong, powerful and able to stand up for the ladies.

So what does have to do with Low Self Esteem?

In my opinion, ALOT.

A girl with low self esteem sends out energy that is almost like a S.O.S signal from a sinking ship. This could be done intentionally (when the girl chooses to play victim) or unintentionally (when the girl is in denial of her own predicament).

This energy is naturally received by the men around them and so what happens? Guys instinctively turn hero mode and rescues "damsel in distress". And the relationship turned into a so called fairytale, damsel falls in love with hero while hero feels his ego being rubbed in just the right way when damsel "thank" him by showering attention and love upon him.

However, as time goes by, Guy discovers that his feelings for damsel wasn't love, but something else. That it all started in the wrong way. That what the girl was giving was more that he could receive. And what happens? Guy initiates breakoff with girl and girl just can't understand what went wrong.

In the above case, it would be what I would call a happier scenario, where the guy was unintentional and unaware about what happened and gets into the relationship. Yes, he still hurts the girl. But at least, he keeps the hurt short and sharp.

However, in the sadder cases, guys who are SPECIALISTS in detecting the low self esteem energy from girls and deliberately take advantage of the girls, physically, emotionally and monetarily. And such guys do not let girls go. Continuing the "torture" and inflicting intentional hurt on the poor victim.

I personally, have seen some of my female friends being in such a terrible predicament. And the worse part of it is this. THEY CAN'T LET GO, or REFUSES TO LET GO, despite the whole world telling them that it is all wrong. It is like, if they admit that they have made the wrong mistake, their whole world would crumble and they will die...literally.

Sad, isn't it?

So, ladies, if this has been happening to you or happening to your friend, LISTEN up please.

To overcome this problem and prevent it completely, take a step back and reflect.

A few key questions to ask.
"What do you truly feel about yourself and towards yourself?"
"When you look into the mirror, can you be honest with yourself and claim that you truly deserve a wonderful relationship?"
"Can you even pictured yourself being in a good relationship?"

If the answers to the above question is just a Maybe, or Erm...Then, the answer is in fact, No.

And unless this root problem is fixed, the vicious cycle just keeps going on and on and on. We need to raise the self esteem to a level which would draw the right kind of guys or girls (for some guys, the same problem exists too).

I guess, a good way to sum this all up would be in this next phrase. If you can't love yourself right, others won't either.

Ladies (and some guys). What I hope, that would get across to you is this. Know that it is your birthright to have a wonderful and fulfilling relationship. Nothing and no one would want to stop you from getting into one...No one except you.

So, please decide.

If you are already in a destructive relationship, either physically or emotionally, GET OUT OF IT NOW. You are already dying in it. And getting out is the only way to live again.

Cheers!
Ken

P.S. Apologies for the long delay. Have been really busy lately. Well, if you are asking me about what? Well, two main reasons. One, I am shifting house again. And two...Secret! haha. :P

Thanks for visiting again. :) Will update soon.

Enhancing Communication...Awareness and Acceptance

2009-12-12T20:49:00.000-08:00

Good day Friends. :)

Recently just completed several camps where I got to meet with a lot of wonderful campers and resources. Thanks guys, it was great! Please rest while you still can and get ready for 2010. :) Be GREAT!

One of the key things which I have learnt and reinforced over the past weeks was that for better communication, it is not the tools that we use or the words which we say or how we say it. Rather it is how we start our conversation with the other party. And I found that the best way is to start with any conversation with Awareness of Self and Acceptance of Others.

Awareness of Self puts us in a position whereby we become conscious of what we are doing. Instead of REACTING to what others are saying.

Going into a conversation with "what is he going to say", "why is he talking to me this way", "oh no, not again..." Usually starts off the conversation on the wrong foot. This happens when we have perceived ideas of what is going to be said, how it is going to be said and how it is going to affect us...even though it may not be true.

And what's weird is that, somehow, we unconsciously make these perceived ideas come true, thus turning the conversation towards the wrong direction.

Recall your last argument or quarrel. What were you thinking of even before the conversation started?

Thus, Awareness of Self before and throughout the entire conversation is crucial. It gives you control over what you want to say, instead of allowing your EGO to take over and reacting all the time.

The second aspect to work on, is still SELF. It is on working on self to accepting the other person in the conversation. Acceptance of what the other person is saying, expressing and feeling. I suppose this would be the hardest to do, for anyone. However, it could also be the noblest thing one could ever do...not just for the other person, but for yourself.

Can you talk to someone that you dislike and still accept his/her ideas without prejudice and biasness? Can you talk to a stranger and still have the patience to listen, just as you would to your friends? Can you talk to your family members without bringing the past events into the present?

As you would see, it all begins from you.

Effective communication is only possible if we put in the effort in the above two areas.

I could only hope that people who are in a tussle could realise this and come to a resolve through Self Awareness and Acceptance...

Please Give Me Your Blog Addr For Relink. :)

2009-11-11T04:06:00.000-08:00

Good day friends.

Please give me your blog addr again for relink. Just redesigned my blog, however, lost every links.

Thanks!

Losing of the EGO is like falling in an endless pit.

2009-11-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

Dear friends.

Firstly, CONGRATs for all who have completed the final lap of the year, EXAMS. :)

Do remember, TAKE A BREAK and go have fun. :) You DESERVE IT!!!!

Back to my title...A realisation I gotten through my talk with someone important. :)

"Losing of the EGO is like falling in an endless pit"...

Firstly, what is EGO again? If your remember my last entries, EGO is creating an Identity with Something. Ego creates a perceived Self. Who we think we are. Or what we claim and believe that we are. It is like a "life role" that we assume.

For example, we could assume certain attributes about ourself and say things like, "I am Strong", "I am Creative", "I am Special". And the most common EGO that you get to hear from people would be, "I am right" and "you are wrong."

I must first state that, there is nothing wrong with having EGOs. From the time we were born, our EGOs have served us so that we can "survive" up to today and we are able to function in the current environment.

However, when we assume our EGOs for too long, and forgotten our true self, goodness and essence, that is when, we LOSE OURSELF and problems start to arise.

Conflicts happen when we fight for what we identify as "right". Fights happen when we refuse to accept our own "wrongs". Wars start when we over identify with our ways as the only way.

Just look at the wars over the history of mankind. It has always started because of Super EGOs. Example, World War II was because of Hitler, genocide in Iraq and invasion of Kuwait by Saddam Hussein, genocide in Cambodia by Pol Pot.

However, all is not lost. Once we are able to release our EGOs and start to believe in the true goodness in our true self, and our essence, we usually find ourselves achieving miraculous things that some times surprises even ourselves.

Ask yourself these questions. Weren't there moments when you were so impressed by yourself and what you do? How were you like during those moments? Isn't it true that those are the moments which you feel that you are supported by EVERYTHING around you?

Dear friends, those are the moments which I believe you are in touch with your true self and totally away from your EGO, or perceived self. And that's the reason why, you achieved greatness.

During those moments, you perform at a level that is comparable to great people of human history like Ghandi, Martin Luther King Jr, Mother Theresa, Confucius.

That seed of greatness is within you...and everyone around you.

That's the wonderful news.

But the sad news is this. To consciously be working on releasing our EGOs is terribly frightening.

Can you imagine this. To release your EGO can likened to releasing your Defense mechanism completely and exposing your vulnerability to the world? It is like, you are throwing away your survival skills which you have relied on from the day you were born. It is like putting your life in the hands of others, to become like a baby again.

That is how scary it is.

I feel that "falling in an endless pit" describes the feeling nicely. It is like letting go of something that you have been clinging on for dear life and suddenly, you decide to let go and just fall. While falling, the fear just keeps coming and gets stronger because you never know when your doom would come.

AhhhHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT, that's what we must face. That's the fear which we must learn to deal with, if we want to get in touch again with our true self and essence. And once you are in touch with that true self and essence, you find that your fears simply dissolve...All fear simply dissolve and you feel like you are not falling anymore...Rather, you feel like you are just floating...Likened to the feeling of a baby in the mother's womb.

The most powerful thing is that, once you are in touch with your true self and essence. You discover that all along, there is no fear at all. That, you are always loved and supported. That the universe is always behind you. That everything that you need is already around you. You are grounded and present. And more importantly, you are in touch with Being.

Who or what is this being, you may ask...I can't say. But, the closest I can suggest is maybe this.

NOT DEFINITIVE.

In Christianity, when you release the EGO, I suppose that is when you are able to be truly in touch with God. Because, you are in touch with the goodness that is already planted in you from the day you were born. In touch with the love that has been bestowed.

In Buddhism, it is a state of nothingness...Nirvana. Where you stop working on what is truly important in life and not what is transcient and meaningless.

I hope that I have not confused you. However, I am truly excited at my realization today. Have embarked on this journey...Long and Arduous but worth every effort.

PSLE!!!

2009-10-06T20:28:00.001-07:00

Dear friends who are taking PSLE.

You will do great. Just remember, stay calm and relax. A relaxed mind and body would enable one to recall information better. Therefore, enough good quality rest and a healthy diet is important too.

I am sure you have done your part and put in hard work for your PSLE. Do your best and great results will follow.

ALL THE BEST!

The Coming Exam Game!

2009-09-28T23:48:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

This post will be short as I know that a lot of you would be busy with your exam preparation.

The only message which I would like to send out to you would be this.

Look straight into the mirror, into that person that is staring back at you. Ask yourself this question..."Have I put in the deserving efforts to make sure I would do well for my exam?"

Wait for 1 min...and listen to your gut, heart and mind. The answer would ensure a good result...if you follow it.

I wish all students...THE BEST for the exams.

Cheers!
Ken

Get Back Up Again...No Matter How Hard!

2009-08-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends.

I would like to share this wonderful video which has taught me a lot. I hope that this video would bring you great inspiration to facing any obstacles you may have now, or in future.

One Of The World's Greatest Inspiration Of The Human Spirit.

If Tomorrow Never Comes...

2009-08-13T23:30:00.001-07:00

Dear friends,

If you are reading this now, you should be listening to the song, "If Tomorrow Never Comes", playing in the background. Reason I put this song on is because of the wonderful meaning behind it.

Here are two paragraphs which I found to be exceptionally touching and meaningful.

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

This is a song, not just for your spouse or boy/girlfriend, but for anyone who you care and love. They would be your grandparents, your siblings, your children, your friends.

If you were to ask yourself this question,
"Did I try in every way to show her every day that she's my only one"
This would allow us to consciously put in effort to make every moment that we have with our loved ones a special day, to let them know that they are special.

Otherwise, we may have to live with regrets as the song goes:
"Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed"

Personally, I have experienced this before and the pain is terrible. We can never turn back time, nor to revive our loved ones. However what you can do is to work on NOW.

Tell those you love, that you love them. Those that you care, that you care for them. And those who loves you, thank you. For at the end of the day, it is not your work that matters, or the amount of money you have that matters, or the number of properties you own that matters.

It is these people you love that matters.

A wonderful video to share - Dr Pausch on Oprah

2009-08-06T08:57:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

If you go through my blog history, you would notice that I wrote an article called Last Lecture, which was inspired by Dr Pausch.

I would like to share this video clip whereby Dr Pausch gave his lecture on Oprah's show.

I am sure you would get something wonderful from this short 10 mins clip.

Enjoy!

Power Of Kindness - Humility

2009-08-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

Dear friends.

Hope all of you are doing well.

Recently, I have chanced upon another wonderful book (well, it was one month ago actually) called "The Power Of Kindess" by Piero Ferrucci, Psychosynthesis Practioner.

This book tells of all the amazing possibilities one can achieve through leading of a life of genuine kindness and it is divided into 19 parts or areas of Kindness, e.g. Empathy, Patience, Warmth, Honesty, Sense of Belonging, etc. Through which, Piero gave several intepretations and explanations on how Kindness would be able to "change" the world, both the world AROUND us...and the world INSIDE us.

I am going to start off this series of sharing based on the book, on the different aspect of Kindness and, share my feel about it. It would be great if I can get to hear from you too, and possibly, your own personal experience.

For today, I would like to touch on "Humility".

Quoted from Piero's book,

"Humility places us in a state where learning becomes possible. It gives us the taste of simplicity; and when we are simpler, we are also more genuine. Humility put into practice allows us to touch reality as it is...I am one among many, mortal and limited, a human beings among human beings. I do not have to prove myself superior to anyone. Others exist, each with their needs, their realities, their hopes and their dramas, and I am one among billions of people who exist on this planet..."

Without Humility, learning ceases. Once we start to say that we know enough, it is the the time we stopped learning. But more importantly, without Humility, we start to feel that we are superior as compared to others. We feel that we know more, we are better, we are smarter than others. And this is where problems arises.

One very good example would be of teachers and their students.

It is known that teachers who are humble enough to know that they do not know everything, and that they, too, make mistakes are usually the teachers who are better accepted by students and well loved.

On the other hand, teachers who uses their position and assume they know more things than the students, that they are "better", are usually those who are disliked by the students.

One personal experience that I can share now, is my Brazilian Jujitsu training.

We now have Jaguar, a BJJ blackbelter, training us. And the entire class respects him thoroughly.

NOT because of the fact that he can possibly kill us all with his techniques (which he can, especially since he trains and teaches for Mixed Martial Arts, Kickboxing and Capoeira.) And also not because his build is bigger than most of us.

The class respects him because of his humility...even as our teacher.

Jaguar would provide us with training and as best as he could, explanations about it. But he would always, and I mean, ALWAYS, assume there are better techniques than the ones he taught us, and ask us for our feedback/questions.

I am grateful that I have a teacher like him.

My other teacher, Darren, is also similar. He is the Gym master who is well trained in many Arts. E.g. He is a blackbelter in Hapkido. And as a Hapkido blackbelter, he is considered a "Master". But, he never wants to be called a "Master". And when he is, he would always ask people not to do so, saying, "I, myself, am still learning. So, don't call me a master."

And it is so true. We are always learning. So how can we become a "Master" when we do not know EVERYTHING.

As what Confucius said,

知之为知之,

不知为不知,

是知也

When you know that you know, let people know. So that people may be able to add on and you can learn.

When you know that you don't know, let people know. So that people may be able to teach you and you can learn.

That is called Knowing.

In short, have humility and you get to learn and grow.

However, in other aspects of our lives, the same applies. Through humility, we get to build a stronger bond with others. It could be our friends, colleagues, loved ones, and family members.

We must accept that we can never know everything about a person, which is why, there is always something new to learn from them. And with humility, you know that you want to learn more, and NOT to compete with the other person WHO KNOWS MORE.

When you have humility, people accepts you better. Without humility, people will move away from you.

Again, by Confucius.

三人行必有我师

When we are with others, there is a teacher amongst them.

When you have humility, genuine respect for others will follow. And that respect would be returned in favour.

Regards,

Ken

Love Is A Behaviour...Feelings Come After The Behaviour.

2009-07-24T21:53:00.000-07:00

The above title was taken from the 5 languages of love. And I felt that it was appropriate that I continued to add on to the previous two articles which I wrote based on this great book.

In the book, it is said that love is a behaviour and it is this behaviour which creates the feeling. Yes, Love is a type of behaviour and choice that you make, and this choice would create the feeling of you being in love with the other person.

It is true that there is a feeling of being in love. Scientifically, it is proven that during the "In Love" period, three neurotransmitters of your brain are highly active, namely Adrenaline, Dopamine and Serotonin. These three work together and gives you a natural high, thus, the feeling of being "In Love".

In this period of time, you see all the amazing things about your other half. And when you do see something which is wrong/not right, the phrase "love conquers all" comes into play.

But, the key thing to note that these reactions in the brain lasts for about 18 months. Following which, all the amazing things which your other half was doing suddenly seems to irritate you alittle. And all the things which were wrong/not right, suddenly seems to be sooooooooo WRONG. The way he sits, walks, talks. The way she answers, eat, sleep. Everything that you were "blind" to in the past, are now a pain in your neck.

For some, it is earlier, some later. But the important thing to note is that, you can't rely on chemical reactions to keep a relationship going, just as you can't rely on enhancement drugs to better your performance in sports.

So, how do you sustain this relationship?

The key word which I have learned would be COMMITMENT.

And it has to start from the beginning of the relationship, to the day that we die. It is about commitment.

E.g.
"Will you stand by _______________, care for her, hold her in the highest regard and die with this love you have for her untarnished in your heart?
Will you stand by _____________, care for him, hold him in the highest regard, and die with this love you have for him untarnished in your heart?"

As you can see from the above example of a wedding minister's script, it boils down to asking the wedding couple to make the decision about their holy matrimony.

And for this decision to last, it definitely takes COMMITMENT.

Yes, commitment to say that there is only this one way. Commitment to say that I WILL, MUST AND SHALL make this relationship work. Commitment to say that all the things which I do shall contribute towards making the relationship better and stronger...until I die.

I am glad to say that, I have had the fortune of seeing relationships around me becoming stronger and stronger over the years, because of the same commitment both parties have for each other and their relationship.

However, I have also seen relationships breaking apart simply because one or both parties have stopped committing to making their relationship work. They, so to speak, "forgot" about this commitment they have made and replaced it with other more important things.

Well, if you were to ask me, is there really the ONE for you out there? Well, my answer would be...You make that person you love, YOUR ONE. It is your choice. And if your other half has also made the same choice, then, I am sure your relationship would be great and grow through the years. This same commitment that you both have, is the ingredient to making each other, THE ONE.

However, do be careful of your choice. :) Do not foolishly commit to a relationship when you already sense or know that your other half has one foot out the door.

That's the end of this long article. :)

Well, I do hope to hear from you about your comments or questions. Please leave a message. BTW, please also register on the right. I will have more articles soon.

Cheers!
Ken

Back..and boy, do I feel great.

2009-07-19T23:55:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

guess who's back. :)

Well, really sorry that I hadn't been able to upload any articles over the past month or so due to work. I hope that all is great going in your life.

A little update on my side. Was busying running camps after camps, and I am really really happy that the past weeks have gone so smoothly. Thanks to all the great staff and resources for making the trip so memorable. :) You are the best!!!

Now that I am back, it is only right that I make some changes to my blog and to update it. :) Thus, the first change you would notice is that I have changed the background to something of the lighter shade. Hope you like the simpler design.

Now, my first post after my absence.

I would like to write a bit more about the 5 languages of love again. :) Yes, you heard me.

Why? You may ask. Well, reason being, I have experienced the benefits of this book personally through my one month's time overseas. And those who I have shared the book with have only good comments about it. I even had a friend who messaged me from Indonesia (after I am back) that he is getting a great deal of value out of the book and thanked me for introducing him to it.

So for today, I hope that this little article would convince you to go get the 5 Languages of Love by Dr Gary Chapman.

The Language Of Love at work/school.

Some of you may be wondering, "Wait a minute, Ken, what does the language of love have to do with work/school? I am not in love with anyone in my office/school."

But the truth is, Language of Love is not just for love relationship between spouse, couples and lovers. It is for ALL kinds of relationship. Between friends, colleagues, peers, employer/employer, acquaintance, relatives and family members. That relationship can be called "love" too, only at a different level.

So, between you and your colleagues/schoolmates, it can be said that you have a relationship with them, and this relationship is based on "love".

And if it is based on love, then, the languages would definitely apply.

At work, the importance of understanding the languages is of utmost importance if you want to create a condusive working/studying environment that is productive and effective. And if you are holding a leadership role as a project leader, manager, employer, class chairperson, etc.

How would you feel, if you were to be working in a team where your needs are met, and you are recognised for your skills, talents and contributions? How would your team members feel, if you too are able to see their good qualities and able to offer them the recognition they desire/deserve? I believe that in such an environment, your team is bound to produce excellent results and everyone is nurtured and can is 100% committed to making sure the entire project runs well and succeed.

On the other hand, if you are working with a boss that is 100% critical of you. No matter what you do, you are criticised. No matter how much time and effort you put in, you are still not doing enough. And that no matter how many successful projects you complete, you are only remembered for those projects which you have failed in. In such an environment, I am sure that you would feel demoralised and barely have the energy to putting in your best for the work.

Therefore, for any organisation to perform at an optimum level, it is important that each and every team member's language is identified. And when recognitions is due, be awarded SINCERELY (very importantly, sincerely awarded) in the form which the team member would feel most nurtured.

Let's say, you have two group members under your charge.

A's language of love is Words of Affirmation and B's is Present/Gift. In understanding this, you would be a wise leader to award them the appropriate reward to recognise them.

For example, praise A on the wonderful work that he has done, or how his contributions has helped made the project successful. Nurture him through small talks where you can tell him how nice he looks with his tie, or he has good taste in clothes, etc. Remember, these must be done with sincerity. Don't do it as if you have programmed yourself to do so. Sincerity can be sensed, so is Insincerity.

It is important to note that a good leader must be direct and honest when it comes to giving feedback on inappropriate actions or poor performance. BUT, it can still be done properly without condemnation, when it is done through "love".

If A needs a feedback session on his poor performance, you wouldn't want to say, "Look, your past few months' performance is really bad. You better pull up your socks or else, you're fired!" If you were to do that, A would most probably remember these words for a long long time, since his primary language is Words of Affirmation.

Rather, you can do it in a manner where the same message is sent across in a caring and sincere manner. For example, "Hey, I have noticed that your performance at work has been declining. I have seen how you conducted your work before and I know you can do much better. I am worried. Is there something that is bothering you? Would you want to discuss about it at a suitable time so we can see how we can work it out together?" Asking in a genuine manner, and talking to A in such a manner would definitely be a better option, rather than jumping at him for no doing his work.

The same can be done as with other language of love. To give feedback in the different languages, the following is possible:

1) Gifts - a little card with a little message of reminder.
2) A pat on the shoulder to show you are concerned (of course, recommended only when both are of the same sex.)
3) Sitting down at a coffee joint and just chitchating about anything else other than work or project. Talk about that person and be present for that person.
4) Offer to help a little when you know that person is overwhelmed.

The possibilities are endless. While it takes effort (HEY, ALL RELATIONSHIP TAKES EFFORT), but, I am sure you would make the right decision for yourself and those you care about.

I hope that this will prove useful for you in the long term. :)

I think, I would like to leave you with a little phrase I thought of.

"A Little Sincerity and Kindness Goes A Long Way."

Through the language of love, imagine the impact you can make in a person's life. I know it did and still is for me.

Love,
Ken.

Will be Away.

2009-06-06T07:21:00.000-07:00

Dear friends.

Apologies for the not updating with any articles lately as am currently going through the peak periods. :)

Will update you all real soon.

Til then, please take care of yourself!

Cheers!
Ken

Cambodia Pictures.

2009-04-30T04:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends

I have uploaded my pictures (part of it) to Facebook. The link is below.

Part 1
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Part 2
http://www.facebook.com/photos.php?id=748362714#/album.php?aid=90420&id=592301045&ref=nf

Enjoy. Will upload more tonight. :)

An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love.

2009-04-23T09:58:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I would write something about the book "An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love" By Richard and Kristine Carlson. So here goes.

Firstly, I strongly recommend all to read this book. The message inside is truly meaningful and sets your thinking, whether we are chasing the right things in life and missing out on what's truly magical and important.

A little background into the book.

3 years before the Richard's 18th wedding anniversary, he wrote a letter titled "An Hour To Live" and intended to give it to his wife during the anniversary.

And the book started with this letter, where Richard expresses his feelings and thoughts for all the things which he is grateful for and blessed with, particularly the love that he and his wife, Kristine, shares. It was the most wonderful and memorable gift ever given to Kristine.

Sadly, Richard passed away suddenly during a flight.

To continue his wishes and to spread his love, Kristine decided to complete this "book" with the second half called, "An Hour To Love". Thus the title, An Hour To Live, And Hour To love.

I shall not divuldge too much about what was written. But, I would like to share Richard's favourite Poem, which is also included in the book. (Note: Poem seems to have two sources, which I can't verify. But in the book, it is said to be written by Norma Cornett Marek for her son, while I found sources which says it is written by Dr H Solomon. If you can confirm, please let me know which is accurate? Thanks!)

DO GET THIS BOOK! You will love it. :)

Thanks to Pris for introducing this great book to me.

If I Knew or Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say “I love you,”
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I’m sure you’ll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say “I love you,”
And certainly there’s another chance
to say our “Anything I can do?”

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll surely regret the day,

That you didn’t take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you’ll always hold them dear

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”
“Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” or “It’s okay.”
And if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll have no regrets about today.

Dedicated To My Dad.

2009-04-14T10:56:00.001-07:00

Dear friends,

This blog is dedicated to my dad.

The past few years of our lives have been filled with many challenges, emotionally, mentally and physically. But it was also because of all these challenges which showed me the love that my father has for my mom.

You see, my mom is down with an illness which is called Cortical Basal Degeneration. Basically, a portion of her brain is degenerating and affects her mind, and basically everything from her speech, balance to movement. Basically, nothing can be done to help her. Maybe just prayers after prayers.

Well, it is heart-wrenching to see how the condition of my mom developed over the years. And my dad would probably be the most heartbroken of all, though he doesn't show it.

My dad is a typical conservative chinese from the post WW2 period. Tradition and non-expressive when it comes to feelings and emotions. I even remember times when the children asked him questions about his relationship with mom and he would start to turn "shy", laugh it off and put up his usual strong front again.

So, talking to my dad about feelings and emotions would be quite tough for the entire family. In my whole life, I have only seen my dad cried once. That was when my grand father passed away in China.

However, I guess that since the time my mother's condition was diagnosed, and the few times when my mom suffered some major falls, my dad was crying inside his heart and was angry with himself for what is happening to my mom.

Now, my dad would take my mom to the toilet, help her with change of clothes, cook for and feed her, use the dryer to dry my mom's hair, wheel her around and support her in and out of the car. BUT, he is not doing this out of pity, sympathy or responsibility to my mom.

He is doing this out of love for my mom.

I respect my dad for that. He truly has an undying love for my mom.

I must apologise that, at this point in time, I do not know how I would want to continue with this.

This feels like a random blabbering on my part.

I guess the only thing which I hope for, for everyone reading this is that, that such love still exists. And there is such a person who would love you 100%, out there for you. You just need to put in effort to search for that person.

All the best.
Regards,
Ken

BTW, for the next post, I am inspired to write based on this book, "An Hour To Live, An Hour To Love", by the late Mr Richard Carlson. A friend of mine was sharing this story with me. So, just to set you thinking, if you know you have only one hour left to live in this world, who would you call? What would you do?

5 Languages Of Love

2009-03-14T09:54:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Apologies that is has been such a long while since I blogged. But had been really tight with working on my book. Really excited about it and when it is out, I humbly ask for your support to help spread the word. Of course, it will be a great book!

Anyway, back to the topic of the day.

Recently, Pris introduced me to the "5 Languages Of Love" by Dr Gary Chapman and I found it really interesting. I got alot of realisation from it. I would like you to read through and see what insights it gives you on relationship will your parents, your other half and those around you (I do consider those relationship to contain love too).

Here's the snippet taken from Dr Gary's site. http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/learn.html

Quality Time

Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. A husband watching sports while talking to his wife is NOT quality time. Unless all of your attention is focused on your mate, even an intimate dinner for two can come and go without a minute of quality time being shared.

Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context. A good mate will not only listen, but offer advice and respond to assure their mate they are truly listening. Many mates don’t expect you to solve their problems. They need a sympathetic listener.

Whether it’s sitting on the couch and having a brief conversation or playing together in a tennis league, quality time is a love language that is shared by many. Setting aside focused time with your mate will ensure a happy marriage.

Receiving Gifts

Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

These gifts need not to come every day, or even every week. They don’t even need to cost a lot of money. Free, frequent, expensive, or rare, if your mate relates to the language of receiving gifts, any visible sign of your love will leave them feeling happy and secure in your relationship.

Acts of Service

Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate.

It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation. A mate who does chores and helps out around the house out of guilt or fear will inevitably not be speaking a language of love, but a language of resentment. It’s important to perform these acts out of the kindness of your heart.

Demonstrating the acts of service can mean stepping out of the stereotypes. Acts of service require both mates to humble themselves into doing some chores and services that aren’t usually expected from their gender. However, these little sacrifices will mean the world to your mate, and will ensure a happy relationship.

Physical Touch

Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship.

All marriages will experience crisis. In these cases, physical touch is very important. In a crisis situation, a hug can communicate an immense amount of love for that person. A person whose primary love language is physical touch would much rather have you hold them and be silent than offer any advice.

It is important to remember that this love language is different for everyone. What type of touch makes you feel secure is not necessarily what will make your partner happy. It is important to learn each other’s dialects. That way you can make the most of your hugging, kissing, and other physical contacts.

Now, at this point, the key questions that I would like to pose to you would be this.

If you can choose 2 out of the 5, which 2 would it be that you NEED most from your other half?

And which are the 2 you give?

I shall not explain too much. But I will just leave you with some more questions.

1) If your 2 needs and the other's 2 gives doesn't match, what may happen? What needs to be done?

2) And vice versa.

Alrighty.

Gotta go. Am really tired. Just spent 5 hours on my book at Mac Donald's and it is already 1am. But, I am really happy. :) I have received good comments from Ernest on how to improve on my books. So implementing them now.

Well, good night all.

Regards,

Ken

Subjects Of Love

2009-02-06T05:22:00.000-08:00

Dear friends

Well, this article spun off from a conversation which I have had with my friends in indon last year. During which, I had a crazy "philopsophy" on the topic love, and how to find the right partner. It is called the Science of Love.

For you to find someone that you love and loves you, it is important that both must share similarities in the following Subjects of Love.

Chemistry
When you are in love, there would be a special chemical reaction in your brain which makes you feel in love. Well, I can't put my finger on it, but different people feels differently when they are in love. And you would be able to sense it yourself. BUT point to note, research done has shown that this chemical reaction in your brain lasts about 18 months. Which would explain why 18 months is a "make it or break it" point for a lot of relationships.
Therefore, while you will feel that everything is "magical" during the so called "honeymoon" period, but do remember to ground yourself in case you make irrational decisions.

Physics
Are you able to emit similar energy that attracts each other? Are you able to feel the same frequency with the other person, and able to communicate at the same wavelength? If you have heard of the Law of Attraction, you would understand Like Attracts Like. What you would be looking for is a balance of energy between you and your other half. Just like Yin and Yang.

Geography
Long distance relationship almost never work out. And this is strongly advised against by the two love gurus, Dr John Gray and Dr Barbara De Angelis. Reason being, in a relationship, it is the PRESENCE that matters, not the presents. Most of long distance relationship are found to never work out. So, if you have someone in mind, and that person is going to be overseas soon, rethink your decision to starting a relationship.

History
Having shared similar past experiences or activities is always a way for building stronger connections with your other half. It is easier to understand and talk to each other. And because you have went through something similar, you will find it easier to related to each other.
For a relationship to be strong, having gone through various UPS and DOWNS in life and coming out of it together is impertinent. Remember, UPS and DOWNS. There are some people who will only be with you during your good times, but when your bad times come, they disappear.

Psychology
The way you think, process information and how you perceive this world you strongly affect the relationship. If a couple are both open to new ideas, then, communication becomes easier, and the channel is smooth. But if one is closed up, and the other tries to barge into the world, challenges arises, and unless the mindset is changed, it is almost impossible to reconcile.

Biology
Well, humans will still have instinctive needs. Therefore, the biological needs plays a key part in a healthy relationship too. The other aspect of biology would be age. A 40 year old man, matched with a 25 year old woman may sound like a wonderful match. But there may be times where the man would not be able to keep up to the woman. E.g. the 25 year old woman may be involved in higher energy activities, such as dancing, sports. But the 40 year old man may not be able to sustain at all.

Language
International language is love...or so they say. But when you are unable to communicate with the other person, or unable to understand your other half, frustration arises. And it builts up.
Imagine the anguish that can happen if your other half speaks a completely different language from you, and can only understand 10-30% of what you are saying. How would you feel?

Anyway, this is just an article that I feel is interesting to share. Something that I have in my mind. haha.

Please feel free to comment and discuss with me.

Cheers!
Ken

2009-01-21T08:25:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

I would like to share this snippet from a book (which Ernest has kindly passed to me) where I read about my Idol, Bruce Lee. Really inspirational especially during times when we feel that "we can't" anymore. Use this little story to remind yourself and to push yourself, always.

Stirling Silliphant (a student of Lee's) relates an interesting story that perfectly embodies Lee's attitude toward progressive resistance in cardiovascular training,
as well as his refusal to let a person-in this case Silliphant -underestimate his own physical potential:

Bruce had me up to three miles a day, really at a good pace. We'd run the three miles in twenty, one or twenty, two minutes. Just under eight minutes a mile

[Note: when running on his own in 1968, Lee would get his time down to six,and,a,half minutes per mile].

So this morning he said to me "We're going to go five."

I said, "Bruce, I can't go five. I'm a helluva lot older than you are, and I can't do five."

He said, "When we get to three, we'll shift gears and it's only two more and you'll do it."
I said "Okay, hell, I'll go for it."

So we get to three, we go into the fourth mile and I'm okay for three or four minutes, and then I really begin to give out. I'm tired, my heart's pounding, I can't go any more and so I say to him, "Bruce if I run any more, "-and we're still
running-"if I run any more I'm liable to have a heart attack and die."

He said, "Then die." It made me so mad that I went the full five miles. Afterward I went to the shower and then I wanted to talk to him about it.

I said, you know, '''Why did you say that?"

He said, "Because you might as well be dead. Seriously, if you always put limits on what you can do, physical or any, thing else, it'll spread over into the rest of your life. It'll spread into your work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits. There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his level."

(Taken from "The Art Of Expressing The Human Body")

So, when things seem daunting, and times are bad. Or when you seem helpless or ready to give up...remember, it is just a Plateau. PUSH BEYOND THAT.

Cheers!

New Earth Inspiration - Flapping Ducks

2009-01-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

Dear friends,

Some of you may be curious to read the title, Flapping Ducks. Well, just a little something (yet profound) which I would like to share with you, something that I learnt from the wonderful book, A New Earth.

In the book, Mr Eckhart Tolle wrote on his observations on ducks. He noted that immediately after two ducks finishes a fight, they would swim away in separate directions, flap their wings vigorously and then float around as if nothing has happened. And he explained that through flapping their wings, the ducks were able to release all the negative energy that was built up during the fight and they do it immediately. So, the ducks are able to revert to the calm state almost immediately.

Imagine, how wonderful it would be if we can do the same. But alas...alot of us can't do it. Or rather, we "chose" not to.

Everyday of our lives, we face challenges, quarrels or fights and huge amounts of negative energy and emotions are built up within us. And more often than not, we keep that energy in us and that energy grows, to the point of hurting us in the end. Question to ponder over, is it worth it?

Of course not. But the strange thing is, the one who allows the hurt to grow and to build up, is none other than ourselves. It is we that who are not willing to forgive, to let go and to forget. Why? It all goes back to our EGO, the identification with things, whether tangible or intangible.

Think about it, unless involves the safety and future of another, a fight (either emotionally, physically or verbally) is usually started because we feel that something is right and we are defending it against another. It is usually started because of a clash of what you believe in, and what the other party believes in.

"It's mine."
"You're wrong."
"That's not true."
"I am correct."
"I don't agree with that."
"I am offended."
"What're you talking about?"
"That's absurd."
"Oh, why can't you shut up."

And to make matters worse, even after when the fight is finished, your mind still holds the scenes of the fight, repeating it in your mind, again and again and again and again.

Recall...all the fights you have ever had...and you would see that this is so true.

But the question is...Is what you think truly right? Is what the other person says, truly wrong? How certain are you? Could it be possible that, there could be flaws in your own ideas? Could it be possible that, there could be truth in the other person's thoughts?

And unless you are arguing about the natural laws of life (like gravity, heat, earth revolving around the sun, aging, etc), can you really be so certain that your way is the right way? And if not, is there truly a need for the fight in the first place?

What I would just like to ask, is it worth getting upset, hurt, angry or sad just to win an argument or fight? Is it worth hurting and upsetting another just to get your point across? If it doesn't hurt anyone, wouldn't it be better to just turn your back and leave the fight? And if the fight has already happened, wouldn't it be better to just be like the ducks, flap yours wings, clear all the negative energy and just move on?

What is more important? Your health or your EGO?

You decide.

Cheers!
Ken

Photos Part 2

2009-01-01T06:02:00.000-08:00

This is when we went up to the Pearl of Lake Toba.
A beautiful place which overlooks Lake Toba.

Below is the supposedly main building. And I was standing in the midst of the Organic Farm. Fresh Veges.

The view around the main building.

And this is Lake Toba, viewed from atop. Great view.

This is where they intend to build cottages...right smack in the forest.

A mini waterfall with an adorable man posing right infront. haha.

For this pic, I got drenched...Ah chooo.

The wooden stairs leading up to the cottages.

The little stream in front of the cottages.

Below is the Marquisa (passion fruit) garden. You can just go right in and pluck whichever fruit that catches your fancy.

The flower...really beautiful.

The fruit.

Pictures To Share.

2009-01-01T05:34:00.001-08:00

Dear friends,

Below are some of the pictures which are taken during my trip to Medan and Jakarta. Enjoy.

First up, the airport of Medan.

A small and cosy little international airport with only 2-3 luggage lanes. :)

First stop, was breakfast. Curry Bee Hoon. Just look at the stall and where the food are being prepared. In the back alley. Cool!

Main lobby of the hotel. New hotel, and very cosy.

The lounge.

The best place of the hotel...Our ROOM. haha. A suite that is very nicely furnished. Overlooks the swimming pool.

And just behind the Hotel is this drain (or river). As you can see, there are people in the middle of the river washing their clothes. They also shower, wash, drink and clear their bodily waste in the same river.

This pic is of a little marsh that is just behind where Novi stays. Right behind a row of houses. The great thing is that there is an abundance of fishes in the water, king fishers and birds in this area. I won't be surprised if I find Crocs or snakes here too. A nice habitat for wildlife, just next to a residential area.

And just 300m away is this grand temple. Really beautifully built.

After touring of the area, we had a dinner buffet. Guess the price? It was at just 35000 rp each. That's just around 4 SGD. And it is all you can eat. Just look at the spread.

End of Part 1.

More to come.

Reflections - Part 2

2008-12-31T09:33:00.000-08:00

Hi again friends.

Now, am finally back in Singapore, seated in front of my home computer. As promised, here goes the second part to my reflections.

Before that, I would just like to share with you hoWw my 2009 started. Well, what happened was my plane left Medan 20 mins before ETD. And arrived 30 mins before ETA. And there I was, happy that I could go back home earlier...And that's when "bad luck" struck.

As I waited for the luggage, I messaged Peter as to how many luggage and boxes I should retrieve. And that's when he replied that he was still in Medan. Flight delayed for close to an hour...and I was like, "Oh man...that means I have to wait for an hour!" What to do.

So, I took all the luggage. So, I went over to T1 from T2 and waited for him. And along the way, I told myself, "No matter what, I am going to start my year 2009 right." So, I changed my state immediately.

Decided to watch the DVD which I bought from Indon, Yip Man. Good thing, the show was great and I didn't feel my time wasted. haha. And finally, Peter came. And he was smiling away. We must be sharing the same thought as to how NYE was turning out.

So, in the end, I only reached home around 1230.

Well, interesting way to pass the NYE. But anyway, it was nice to receive many smses from Dea, DD and even my student from China. :) GREAT!

I picked up Martial ARTS AGAIN!!! WOO HOOO! Rediscovered my passion for the sports. And this time round, through Brazilian Jujitsu and Mixed Martial Arts. The adrenalin rush keeps me young. And I must say, the first few weeks of training, I simply couldn't sleep after the training simply because I was too excited. haha. But it was great.

Sept was the time I ran my first even, Exam Game Intensive. It was great and a program was created to allow students to finally see the "secrets" behind exams and what needs to be done to do well in it. I am going to run two more sessions again in Mar, and so far, the first session is already FULL. WOO HOO again!

Learnt about something really powerful through Ernest and Cecilia (a friend from Malaysia). And will be furthering into it as the potential it has is marvelous. Am sure with this new found Tech, I would be able to reach out to more people.

Went to Medan, and am glad that I have made some great contacts. Now, I will plan to proceed ahead with my 2 plans for personal and financial growth. Soon, my 2 dreams will come true. Am sure that it will materialise in 2009.

I bought a great phone, C902 from Sony Ericsson and WON a Playstation 3. haha. Going to collect it on the 2nd. :) Lucky!

2009 is going to be great. I just know it, and I will create it. I hope that all will be well. Most importantly, I hope that you would take some time to really think about who you want to give thanks to, and think about the magic moments ofr 2008. Attitude of Gratitude.

Before I go, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL! May 2009 be a year of fulfilled dreams for you.

Cheers!
Ken

Gratitude - Reflection for 2009

2008-12-31T02:30:00.000-08:00

Dear all,

If you have read my two other posts, you would have known that I would always take the opportunity to give thanks to the many people who had made the year special, or a difference in my life. Today, as I am sitting in a little cafe in Sun Plaza, Medan, I just thought that I should complete this before I fly back to Singapore.

Today, I would like to write about the a few special people and events that are of exceptional meaning to me. :)

People

1) I would like to thank my mom for all that she has done for me in the past. Even though she may never understand what I write here, and that she is suffereing from Dementia and that we may not have many more years to go, I am happy that she is still around NOW and that I have still this opportunity to take care of her when I can. Maybe she will not even know what I am doing, but I guess, being able to feed her, buy her her favourite food, helping her around, pushing her on her wheelchair...I still can count my blessing. I love her.

2) My dad has always been an impatient man, sometimes angry. But this period of time, he has shown his love for my mom and taking care of her wholeheartedly. I know that he feels the pain, just as the whole family. Through him, I learnt of the strength of true love and commitment for the other half. Though he may still get upset at times, but he means well.

Events

3) Resolving of personal matters. After 2 years, the problems has been cleared and I am moving ahead into 2009 with a huge and powerful plan. I am sure huge growth awaits. While challenges may arise, but we have also met with many people who are here to support us. 2009 will be GREAT!

4) Conducted a full year of great trainings. Have definitely hit the target of the number of people I want to reach to. Thanks to all the schools and students. Thanks to all the parents and children. Thank you for iving me the chance to working with you.

Well, I am sorry that I have to stop here. As I need to rush off now. I will continue with more.

Before I go, I would just like to ask, "What are your reflections for the year 2009? What were your MOMENTs of 2009?" If you like, blog about it, and let me know. I would love to read about it.

Let's all start the new year with the attitude of gratitude.

Love,
Ken

Time To Relax

2008-12-08T19:26:00.000-08:00

Hi All.

You have worked hard for the final Year Exam. So, time to relax.

Have included a funny video which some of you may be familiar with. If not, do watch and enjoy. :)

Cheers!
Ken

A New Earth

2008-11-20T22:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Friends.

It is that time of the year where I would be running camps after camps after camps. While I will be very busy, I felt that I must write this for all to read.

Recently, I have gotten my hands on this wonderful book called "A New Earth". While I may have just read through just a quarter of the book, I must say I have agained alot of realisation. I hope to share some insights with you. Note, what I am about to say, is just tip of the ice berg, and I sincerely hope that you would get this book for yourself.

So far in this book, EGO is the main topic. Let me try to give you the definition based on my understanding.

EGO is the identification with FORM.

People naturally seek their own identity through forms. Take for example, some will take their physical possessions, e.g. cars, house, club membership, amount of money in the bank, qualifications, as a way to prove their identify. For this group of people, it is the how big, how much, that matters to them. And they would usually compare what they have with what others have. They will always be comparing, competing with and complaining about what others have that they don't.

For another, they may seek identification through intangible things like acceptance, recognition, sympathy, pity. These people will often ask, am I accepted, how do people think about me, how much do they like me, why don't people know how good I am.

Interesting to note that, most of the above people are never truly happy with their own lives...note, TRULY happy.

And the reason is simple, there are abundance of people who would be better than us, things which are better than what we own, and if we are constantly seeking these things, we would basically be running a race with no end in sight.

And most importantly, while they are looking OUT for things which they thought would make them happy, they are forgetting that true happiness comes only from within.

In the past, I would get really unhappy over "small" little things (even smaller now that I learnt to see through them". I would get upset when people say the "wrong" things, "gossip" about me, scold me. I would feel miserable when I comparing myself with others, the cars people have, the houses they own, the amount of money they earn.

Then it was through this realisation that I find, what's the point? Even with the best of medical sciences, the longest I can live up to is 100 years old. And what is this hundred years old in the whole history of mankind, the whole history of earth and the whole history of the universe? I believe, it is just like a small little speck. And therefore, I do not need to prove anything to the world. Rather, the only person which I must really look to for approval, acceptance, care, concern and love from, is within...Myself.

Thinking back, it has been too long since I celebrated the "life" in myself, the miraculous energy in me that sustains me and how the systems in me that keeps me going.

It would be interesting to note that while the world's greatest scientist may have derived how the world is formed, how the universe can be like, how light works, all about sound waves and yet NOT one scientist has ever been able to explain about the biggest mystery of life. That is, our own body and how it functions. NO ONE CAN EVEN COME CLOSE.

So when you have a whole world of wonderful surprises in yourself, which you own, why do you want to trouble yourself seeking things which you can't even take away when you die?

The miracle, joys, laughters, tears, pains, pleasures, ecstasy, fulfilment...and so much more wonderful things are all found within you. Not from another person, another thing.

So what if you have the best cars in the whole wide world? So what if you run the biggest corporation in the whole world? So what if you have the most loving spouse in the whole world? If you are "EMPTY" inside, you will not feel anything for those things/people outside.

If you may, take some time to communicate more with yourself. Nurture the "heaven" within you...and you fill find the "earth" around you to be so much better.

I promise that I will write more about this topic. As I am currently still in the midst of the training, please be patient.

Thanks,

Ken

Simple "Thank You"

2008-11-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

Just like to share a wonderful email that Peter received from our past graduate.

Great job, Joanne!

From: Ong Joanne [mailto:joannestar5@hotmail.com]
Sent: Monday, 10 November, 2008 10:51 PM
To: Peter Lau
Subject: Thank you!

Dear Peter Trainer,

It has been a long time that i didnt see the SuperTeen trainers. I want to thank all the trainers and resources who've helped me in the Oasis class because i believe it was all of you that made me to improve so much. And to tell you guys, i got in Triple Science course in my school. I am happy to have gotten in this course. i will continue to make good use of the spidergrams. :) Help me to convey my appreciation to all trainers and resources and Dr Ernest Wong. It's possible because of all of you who made me learn & experience so much that were so valuable in the 5 days camp.

By the way, it's a pity i couldnt help resourcing in the SuperTeen camp this end of year. Coincidentally, i will be at Korea having holiday with my family during that period of time. i couldnt make it in time. Just to ask you, if i could just drop by to take a look of the camp? Hope to get my your reply soon!

Warmest regards,

Joanne Ong, Superteen from the 1st June camp 2008! :D

Last Lap For The Year.

2008-10-13T00:53:00.000-07:00

Hey friends who are taking O Levels. ALL THE BEST!

This is your final lap this year.

So for this period of time, JUST STAY FOCUSED and DRIVE YOURSELF just a little bit harder.

After which you will have up to two months break...two months worth of doing almost anything that you want! Hey, it is a great deal. Do a great job for this 2-3 weeks, and you get a returns of 2 months worth of GUILT FREE enjoyment. :) You choose.

Create the results that you want for this last lap. You can choose the outcome for yourself. Take Charge!

Cheers!
Ken

Reverse Engineering.

2008-09-15T22:45:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

Firstly, thank you for registering with my blog. :) I will continue to keep you posted with new articles and updates.

For those of you, who are unfamiliar with the term, let me give you the definition/explanation by Wiki first.

Reverse engineering (RE) is the process of discovering the technological principles of a device, object or system through analysis of its structure, function and operation. It often involves taking something (e.g. a mechanical device, electronic component, or software program) apart and analyzing its workings in detail, usually to try to make a new device or program that does the same thing without copying anything from the original.

During the past few months, in discussing with and showing students how to prepare for their Final Year Examination, I mentioned this phrase quite a bit. Reason being, I strongly believe that RE is what you need to follow, to do well in your exams. Any and every exams. I also believe that RE is what you need to follow, to do well and achieve success in your life.

In my context, I am looking at RE not in the area of technology, but rather, in terms of Psychology. The way of thinking. Let me explain.

Results that are created by anyone, be it Ace Students, successful businessman, Scholars, top sales people, are just the PRODUCT of what they do, how they think, how they feel, and what their habits are.

So, for you to achieve similar results, all you need to do is to perform RE on them, and uncover their "secrets". In NLP, this is also called Modelling.

Of course, the process for performing RE on them is long and almost impossible to perfect BUT, you can still perform it to get similar, or better results. It helps you to save alot of time too.

And so, with the exams is coming up, let's use it as an example to demonstrate how RE can be used to help you get better results, NOW.

To perform RE, you must ask questions. And therefore, here are some questions which I have for you to ponder over. I must say that it is non-exhaustive, but should serve as a good guide for a start. :)

For people who are already doing well in their studies/exams.

1) Who are the people who always top the examinations?
2) What are the results they always achieve? What are the results they aim for?
3) What are their beliefs about exams?
4) What do they think about exams?
5) How do they feel about exams?
6) How do they study for exam?

For the HOW part, you can further break it down by asking:
i) What are their steps for studying, and how many steps?
ii) How do they break down each subject?
iii) What do they look out for when studying each subject?
iv) What skills do they use?

7) How do they prepare for exam?

Try this out with your friends, and classmates who are already doing well in their exams. You should get more clarity on what you need to do, and follow to better prepare yourself.

So, hope this is useful for you. As usual, I welcome all comments and questions you may have about this. I would love to get back to you with the answers you seeks. But remember, ASK the right questions.

Before I leave you, just like to leave you with a quote.

"The Quality Of Your Life Is The Quality Of The Questions You Ask."

Start Asking. :)

Cheers!
Ken

Away In HK!

2008-08-16T15:25:00.000-07:00

Dear friends,

I must apologise as I will be away for a week to help conduct the ST camp in HK, followed by an Adult's training program in Msia. So, from 17th to 24th, I will not be able to reply any comments or emails. But I will get back to you once I am able to access the Internet.

Also, if you are interested in the Exam Intensive Workshop (which is GREAT STUFF for students taking Final Year Exam), do email me. Seats are running out for the first day.

Cheers!
Ken

Exam Mastery Workshop

2008-08-12T20:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends,

This will be an important blog for those who are taking their Final Examination in 2-3 months time. I know that some of you are busy preparing, or busy panicking now. Whichever the case, I would like to share that I am conducting a 1-day Intensive "Exam Mastery Workshop" for all to join. Below is the information. And for all, the usual rate is $150, but now, the EMW is at just $50 (inclusive of one tea break).

Below is the information. Note, as this is a limited seat training, I can only allow first come first serve bookings. So, if you are keen, please hurry.

1-day INTENSIVE

“Exam Mastery Workshop”

Finally, after years of research together with teachers and examiners, the SECRET of exams and HOW TO ACE IT is out! And you can be one of the rare few to be part of this exciting workshop.

NOTE: THIS IS AN ACTION BASED TRAINING WORKSHOP

In this workshop, you will learn the EXACT STEPS of scoring and acing your final year examination. And through following and executing these proven yet simple steps, your results is GUARANTEED*!

Yes, you heard me correctly, GUARANTEED!!!

In the “Exam Mastery Workshop”, you will learn and master:

3 Specific Action Steps
Psychology Of Examinations
How To Study Each Subject
The Art Of "Spotting" Questions with Incredible Accuracy
Careless Mistakes No More

Every topic of the “Exam Mastery Workshop” is result-oriented with specific steps for you to follow. Follow these steps, and you will get RESULTS! Unbelievably Simple, BUT TRUE!

Session 1

Date : 1^st Sep 08, Mon

Time : 10am – 5pm

Session 2

Date : 2^nd Sep 08, Tue

Time : 10am – 5pm

Trainer : Ken Koh

Venue : Learning Mastery Training Centre

122, Middle Rd, #07-04, Midlink Plaza, S(188973)

Email to ken.koh@learningmastery.com with the following:

Your Full Name
Contact Number (for SMS confirmation and notification)
Preferred Session

*Results can only be guaranteed when all steps are executed by the participants.

Repost. 2 More Months To Exam!!! What To Do?!?!?!

2008-08-09T22:59:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to all students taking the O Levels exam, I sincerely hope that you may get some insight from this article.

YES! The big O is coming. For many of the students, they are filled with the same emotions that hundreds, thousands, ten thousands of students have faced over the past 20-30 over years. Fear, Excitement, Uncertainty, Worry, Enthusiasm, depending on which side of the fence you are standing on.

But, whichever side you are on, I would like to just nag at you a little on the Importance and Benefits of this exam, plus the amount of effort which you need to invest for the mass returns. And I can only hope that you would finally dig out that 0ld, hidden "drive" and "motivation" to do the final dash of the race.

The O level result slip, small as it is (with prints that are even smaller), is a major determinant of your life between 17-25 years old. It determines which tertiary institute you go to (JC, Poly, ITE or private colleges) and this choice would then determine what sort of environment you enter into and what sort of friends you make and mix around with during your tertiary studies. And it would in turn, affect the sort of study life you decide to have, the sort of results you aim for and get. And that would affect the choices you have after your tertiary studies, such as which Universities you can go to or what sort of work you enter into, and possibly, affecting the sort of life you can enjoy up until the age of 25-30 (for some, it actually affected their whole life!)

While what I just said is broad and wide (but definitely not exaggerated), I suppose you do see the extent of how this simple slip of paper, can affect you. Scary ah, what a little piece of paper can do to you life...

BUT frightening, and sometime daunting, as it may be, don't be paralyzed by it. Because, you truly have enough time to catch up...so NEVER GIVE UP! So, what I would like to ask for you to do first, is simply see it from the other perspective.

Instead on focusing on the fear, and the uncertainty, why not focus on the possibilities, and what you can do instead? You still have 5 more months to prepare and revise for this exam. While some may ask, is 5 months enough? Well, my answer would of course be a Yes. Not because I want to give you false hope, but rather, it has been done before, and if you think in depth about it, you can even calculate mathematically how it can be done. (BTW, a research was done in one of our local schools, and the teachers found out that, a months effort can help increase the subject grades by 1 point. Which means, if you are getting a b4 now, in 4 months time, you can get at least an A2 or even A1!)

So, start by FOCUSING on the OUTCOME, and TAKE ACTIONS Now! (after you finish this article, of course) SERIOUS and MASSIVE ACTIONS. And below, are some guides to help you with your work, before we go back to your schools again.

1) Look at yourself in the mirror and BE HONEST. Look deep into your own eyes, and ask, "How do you really feel about the upcoming exam?" "Have you done your part so far to prepare for it?" "Can you truly be honest that you are doing your best?" "Can you do better?" "Can you face up to yourself?" "Are you willing to accept lousy results for the upcoming exam?" "Do you want better for yourself?" Ask all the direct, no-holds-barred questions, and start digging out all the emotions that you have about your exams, good and bad, buried or surfaced.

Stop avoiding it. BE HONEST with yourself. Even if means you may start to feel ashamed, embarrassed, shocked, disappointed or even hate at yourself, admit those feelings first. Face up to them. ACCEPT that they are real. Now it not the time to avoid, or use softeners to make yourself feel good. Get Disturbed.

Can you imagine if you were to avoid these emotions and feelings, and choose to do nothing about it (There are many students who are as such, putting up a "strong" and "secure" front to others, even though deep down, they are fearful, very fearful of their own future)? The consequences would usually be more such negative emotions and feelings, PLUS "interests" coming in the form of "failures". It just keeps building up! And sometimes, it even compounds.

So, DON'T, I beg of you. You deserve better. So, start by FACING UP TO THE FACTS! And the good, GREAT, thing is, once you acknowledged your feelings, you also start to realise that, "HEY, I can do something about it! I can decide my life as I have choices!" Which is true. You can really do something for each of the negative feelings. Only when you face up to these fears of yours, and not avoid them, will you be able to overcome them and have fun at the same time. (Gee, I feel old saying this though. Make me feel like one of those ancient chinese shifu. :P Ken and his weird philosophies.)

2) Don't just get disturbed. Forgive yourself, and move on to doing what needs to be done. So, after step 1, you should really take some time to list down, the problems you face with each of the subjects you are taking.

For example, Chemistry - Is it the concepts which you cannot comprehend? Atomic structure? Calculations? Mole? Ratio? Bonding?

Physics - Is it the memorising part?Knowing what's the important points?

Bio - Is it the functions? Cause and effects?

History - People, events which you are unclear and uncertain of? Factors? English - Essays? Compre? Summary? ETC.

For each of the subject, chapters, and sections, write out the problems you face. So, rule of thumb which I will suggest to you, start with your stronger subjects first. And once you get the momentum, it will drive you even more.

And importantly, you would know where you are standing in your preparation for your work.. That leads to point 3.

3) After getting out the problems you face with each topic, and clearly identifying the problems, attempt to understand how to solve the problems first.

ATTEMPT.

Make the first effort to do it on your own first. Even if you make mistakes, it is ok. BUT DO ATTEMPT. Otherwise, if you skip this part, and go to step four, you would still be lost. So, please, MAKE ATTEMPTS to solve the problems first.

4) For all those problems which you still can't clear, identify people and resources which can help you explain them. So who can you approach? Well, the answer in most of your head would be your friends, top students of your classes, and teachers. You are all correct. So, with your questions, ASK.

Now, some students may face some challenges when wanting to ask, if they didn't first perform step 3. Firstly, they are afraid or paiseh that they will bother their friends/teachers, and they don't want to look "stupid" in front of their friends/teachers. Now, you will only feel this way, if you didn't do your homework in the first place. Step 3 would at least allow you some groundwork, and background into the problem, and so, you will be asking relevant questions. And these questions would most probably be questions that are faced by other students. So, they are "smart", "related" and relevant questions. The people you ask may even appreciate you for asking such questions as it allows them to see from another perspective.

In addition, Step 3 is important as, when you have attempted the problems, can't solve it, and then ASK, you will be rewarded with the answers, you will have what I would call, the "AH HAH" effect. Because, you have worked on the problem previously, your brain is challenged by it. And when you finally get the answer, it is like a tight knot that was suddenly untied, and you tend to appreciate the answer and register in your mind easier. There are emotions involved here. But if you skip step 3, chances are, you won't appreciate the answers even if it is directly in front of your face.

5) After step 4, then, you proceed to practise. Now, if you want to know how to practise, please, send me an msn email, to hura_kurama@hotmail.com. I will then, tell you how to practise correctly for each paper (excluding Language papers as they are prepared a little differently). In your email, please state your school, class, full name, and also, Ernest's, Peter's and my famous quote (this is just like the password).

I am sorry for being so secretive, but as recently, I found that there are "spies" from other companies, and they have been "stealing" ideas from us. So, I have to safeguard this. (Anyway, kinda appalled at the type of integrity that people may have. Stealing other people's ideas, intellectual property, and claim it to be theirs.) But, I am sure the infinite intelligence will take care of these people. :)

Back, so, please send me the email, if you are keen. I will just share one simple secret with you on how to score for your exam. Remember, EXAM IS JUST A GAME. And it is one of the easiest game ever!

To wrap this up. Let me just do a simple maths calculation for all to see.

What this 5 months could mean.

It I were to use 10 years as the impact that this O levels would have.

Then, it would amount to 120 months (10yrsX12mths).

So, using 5 months to O levels as the Investment you have to make, then, the returns of investment would be 120 Div 5. 24 times returns.

BUT NOTE, this 24 times returns may even compound to a few times more! And usually it does compound. BUT, this return, could be a good investment, or a lousy liability.

If you choose to do well, it is a great Return of Investment, if you don't, then, it can become your greatest liability. It is your choice. So please....PLEASE...choose wisely.

The choice is clear. Small investment for years of gain! Go for it!

Foundation and Fundamentals

2008-07-29T08:26:00.000-07:00

Speaking of Foundation, I would like to take this time to also talk about the final year examination which ALL of my students are taking.

I am worried for all of you. BUT, I am sure that you all will get good results if you just follow what we told you when we trained you (or for that matters, remembered what we taught you! :P)

But nonetheless, I would like to just STRESS on one major point. WORK ON YOUR FOUNDATIONS for all the subjects. This will be the deciding factor on whether you can do well or not. There is no use to work on your TYS or PYPs without knowing how to do it right the first place. And while practise makes perfect, PRACTISE WRONGLY MAKES PERFECT WRONG (My personal phrase to all my students). So, get it clear what you are doing first, know the fundamentals and foundations well, and you would not have much problems for your Exam.

Same offer goes out to you! EMAIL ME, should you have any problems. Only about 80 days more to GO!

BE GREAT!
Ken Koh Seng Kiang

Ken Koh Seng Kiang is the Co-Trainer and Consultant of the highly successful Super Teens Holiday Camp and Smart Kid Training workshop. He has positively impacted the lives and personally coached over 10,000 students from Singapore, Malaysia, China and Indonesia. Ken is one of the rare few in Singapore to be personally trained and coached by Dr Ernest Wong. For more information, please visit www.learningmastery.com.

How You Love Your Other Half Is How You Love Yourself

2008-07-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

Recently, a strange idea got me really excited and I sort of came up to this phrase "How you love your other half is how you love yourself". It is just my thoughts and I would like to ask for some comments and feedback. So, please feel free to voice your opinions here. Thanks first!

Okay, here I go.

Many of us have experienced this before, or have "committed" such an act before in our lives. When we are interested in a certain person of the opposite sex, we start to treat the person really well, taking care of the person's needs, being really sensitive to the other person's moods, almost all the time. It usually happens during the dating period.

BUT then, things start to change once you become attached. You think that you are treating your other half the "same" way, but your other half starts and keeps complaining about you, gets upset at you for small little things that you didn't do, and you two end up fighting or having cold war. Sounds familiar?

Well, for most of the people I know, it seems to be the case. And recently, I thought about it and in my own opinion, the reason is because, you have started to treat the other half as part of you, and therefore, you treat the other person the way you usually do to yourself.

Yes, it may sound alittle crazy, but let me do my best to explain to you what I mean.

Before you are attached, you are two separate entities, and you do your best to please the other person (at least for most people). You would even do things which you never thought that you would do. You would even do things which you would never even do for yourself! It is quite normal. You are "in love" and the chemical reactions in your brain sort of make you do all those crazy things.

BUT when you get attached together, things change. Things sort of stagnate alittle, and you are not as "romantic" as you were during dating. Reason, I feel, is because, you feel that your other half is a part of you, or is YOU (whether consciously or unconsciously). And because of this, you don't do those "special" things for your other half anymore, BECAUSE, you don't do those "special" things to yourself in the first place.

To make things easier to understand, maybe this would help.

A person who always hurt himself would end up hurting his other half.
A person who is stingy with herself would usually be stingy when it comes to her other half.
A person who has no drive for a better life would not have high expectations of the other half.
A person who cannot love him/herself, can never love his/her other half.

And the same goes for people who usually have a relationship that works out wonderfully.

A person who splurges on himself would usually be able to splurge on the other half.
A person who is able to spend time with himself is usually able to spend time with the other half.
A person who is able to be open to herself about feelings and emotions is usually able to be as open to the other half.
A person who is able to love him/herself, can truly love his/her other half.

(Please pardon me if this sounds confusing. I am just voicing this out here, haphazardly. So please help me by providing comments. I want to clear this in my head too. :S It is a strong feeling that I am onto something really big here, and I want to get it right.)

This is usually the case, or rather, this IS THE CASE for everyone. Before we are in a relationship, we treat the other person as different, and that the other person has a different expectations. So, during "courtship" and dating, we change and adjust to match to that expectations.

BUT, when we become attached, Two Becomes One...or rather, Two Becomes YOU. And that is when, if you don't see this fact, the problem arises. You start to treat the other person the same way you treat yourself. You start to thing that, that person's expectation is actually your expectation of yourself. You start to treat that person the same way you treat yourself, thinking that person will not mind (and boy, are you wrong about that!).

That is when the challenges of relationship come about. And unless you are able to resolve this part, the problems will just keep mounting.

So what's the solution for this? My suggestion is, rather than working on the relationship, the focus of work should be on ourselves instead. The "war" is not with the External world (your other half), but rather is in the Internal world.

Do you truly care about yourself? Do you truly take good care of your own wellbeing? Do you feel good about yourself? Are you honest with yourself? Are you open to your emotions, whether negative or positive? Do you accept yourself, your strengths and weaknesses? Do you love yourself?

When was the last time you even had a conversation with yourself ABOUT yourself?

Your answers to the above question will determine the sort of relationship you will have.

If you truly care about yourself, your health and takes care of your own wellbeing, you would be able to take care of your other half's health and wellbeing.
If you feel good about yourself, you would be able to feel good about your other half.
If you are honest with yourself, you would be able to be honest to your other half.
If you are open to your own emotions, you would be able to be open to your other half about emotions.
If you are able to accept yourself, strengths and weaknesses, you would be able to accept your other half, strengths and weaknesses.
If you are able to love yourself, you would be able to love your other half.
If you are able to have a close, heart to heart conversation with yourself about yourself, you would be able to have a close, heart to heart converstaion with your other half.

I came to realise that whether a relationship works out or not, it is a choice of whether you want to work on yourself first, and never on what you can work on the other person. It is a choice whether you are willing to take responsibilities and take charge of yourself, and not on the other person. It is YOU first, before the other. You are the cause.

So, if you are always in a relationship where you get hurt, or where there are huge problems, it is because of YOU and only you. You created those problems.

BUT, if you are having a fulfilling relationship with your other half now, good for you! It is also because you have CREATED the results.

It is all you.

So my last question to you is this, when is the last time you have had a honest conversation, about your own life, about your own future, about your own happiness, about your feelings, with YOURSELF?

Regards,
Ken

(Pardon me too, if there are any spelling errors or grammar. So I can amend.)

More Pics!!! But more of ME!!! hehehe

2008-07-12T01:16:00.001-07:00

More pics! of me. haha.

Two poses, and one picture which I edited. Enjoy.

Zhi Lian. hahaha. Self Admiration.

Edited Picture of Lembang

PICTURES FROM INDON!!!

2008-07-06T20:34:00.000-07:00

First of all! Thanks for all the well wishes. I have recovered from my Diarrhoea and am now back to eating "nonsense" again. haha.

Currently, am staying at Sheraton hotel for Smart Kids Surabaya and the hotel is simply marvelous, only losing to Ritz by a little. :) Enjoying myself here with a bunch of small adorable kids. :) They are SOOOO CUTE. Won't show you the pictures first.

Rather, here are the pictures from the first camp. :) Enjoy.

Pictures Pictures Pictures! From Indon.

2008-06-27T04:25:00.000-07:00

Hi All!

First of all, apologies for the absence as I have been away for camps and training.

Anyway, just a quick update that for the whole school holiday, I have been in camps, after camps, are more camps. And now, I am in Lembang, Indonesia, running a huge camp with 300 over participants. It is like a party. The kids are simple marvelous and very nice.

Here are some pictures for you to see. Enjoy!

And to XY, this is the reason why I always wanted you to go to Indon camps. The experience is different...VERY DIFFERENT. To which, XY will reply, "Okay Lah..." or "See How Lah". hehehe

From this, you can get a feel of the number of students. And I am the one who has to shout the commands to them. Now you know why my voice is hoarse after every camp...:)

Kids trying the break the record. The Giants!

Some Random Pic...

Some More Random Pics...

More To Come!!!

Dedicated To SCGS' Wonderful Ladies

2008-06-24T01:08:00.000-07:00

I must say that SCGS is a great school with a strong culture and full of love for the students. The School leaders were very supportive and were always there for the students, to ensure their success, with the Principal, Vice Principal and Dean visiting on several occasions. The students were also very closely knitted, with many of them were from different countries like Vietnam, China, Indonesia and of course, Singapore.

Ladies, if you are reading this, I just want to say that you are bound for success. All of you have been so wonderful, passionate and focused in your own learning. Combine that with the friends which you have found, I am sure that you will definitely go FAR. Reach high, and get into action. You deserve only the best!

Sadly, I didn't manage to get a photo taken of the whole class. But, even from this picture of just the few ladies, I am sure you can get a feel of the dynamic energy and charisma they exude.

BE GREAT ALWAYS!

Rare Cash Reward Opportunity For All!

2008-05-07T06:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Friends!

I am elated to announce to all a wonderful opportunity offered by Learning Mastery whereby you can make some serious extra cash for yourself! And best of all, you can make money while helping to make an positive impact in the lives of our future generation, Children and Teens!

Yes, Learning Mastery has opened up an Affiliate program whereby you can join us as independent marketeer. As our marketeer, you can earn a NEAT $300 per successful enrolment for our public programs, Super Teens and Smart Kids. Yesh, $300 cash and you do not even need to sell anything!

To claim this $300 (which is like almost a giveaway since it is so easy to get), all you need to do is simply refer your friends, relatives or colleagues who have children between the age of 9 and above or who have children who would want to be able to excel in school, score all the As and succeed earlier in life! If you thought you read it wrongly, let me repeat, $300, just by referring someone. And you don't need to sell anything. Just invite.

The whole process is simply as follows:

1) Think of those you know who have schooling children (Pri, Sec, Jc, Poly, Uni), and just inform them about our seminars. Of course, it helps to tell them how the program has helped you in your life. OH, not forgetting, the seminar is FUN and INFORMATIVE.

2) Let them know about the dates of the seminar. Which are

1. 10th and 11th May, 2-5 pm.
2. 17th and 18th May, 2-5 pm.

Venue : 122. Middle Road, Midlink Plaza, #07-04.

3) Next, once they have confirmed their attendance, give us a call at 6453 0768 to inform us that how many are coming, providing their contacts, names and dates of seminar PLUS which camp/workshop/school you are from (so we know you are our affiliate).

4) Just give them one more call one day before the event to remind them.

5) WE WILL TAKE OVER THE REST. We will help you to enrol your friends.

6) Get paid the next month after the enrolment. So, it's that simple. 6 steps (actually, 4 to be exact as the last two steps, are done by us!).

$300, may not be a big sum. BUT, just imagine this, 1 enrolment per week, for a month of 4 weeks, that could come up to an additional $1200 for the month. What can an additional $1200 do for you and your family?

Of course, I would strongly suggest that you keep this money and grow it instead. HOW? I will cover in future articles.

For now, Grab this opportunity immediately! Accelerate your financial success earlier!

How To Ace Chemistry?

2008-05-07T05:26:00.000-07:00

This Article is for those students whom are asking about how to do better in "O" levels Chemistry. I hope to share some insight on what you can do to improve on your Chem.

One important key that all Chem students must know is that, this is a subject whereby you need to build a strong foundation before moving up to the next level. It is a subject whereby the earlier topics are more important as the latter subjects. Without the basics, you would definitely have difficulties. DEFINITELY.

So, it is of the utmost importance that you must review your notes and textbooks of Chem for Chapter 1 - Chap 8 (up until Atomic Structure, Electrons, charges, Reactivity series and why certain element are more reactive/less reactive, Periodic table arrangement, etc).
Now, while this may sound like a lot of work. BUT, once this portion is done, the rest of the chapters will become soooo much easier. So, it is definitely worth your investment of time and effort.

Now, why is it that Chap 1-8 is important? Let me give you an example.

In the latter chapter of Ionic bonding and Covalent bonding, what is it actually talking about? It is talking about the reactivity of the metals and non metals, and how they will bond together. BUT, if you chunk down further, it is testing more of your understanding of the periodic table arrangement and electrons . It is because of the lack or additional number of electrons which causes the instability, which explains the reactivity level (Cation / Anion).

(Just an interesting note for you, reactivity can be equated to the insecurity of human beings. The more things (in Chem, it will be electrons) that a human (elements, metals or non-metals) is missing, the more this human wants to bond (either sharing or taking of electrons) with others. But if this human has extra, then, this human will only feel secure through giving aways or share with others all the extra things. See if this helps you to understand Bonding better.)

So, imagine if you don't even know how the periodic table is arranged, what electrons are, what is missing, whether is it a metal or non-metal, do you think you can answer the questions properly? Obviously no.

Another example would be Oxidation and Reduction. One was of seeing whether it is Oxi or Red is whether there is loss or gain of electrons. So, what is the basic topic of this chapter again? Back to Chapter 1-8 again. If you don't understand the electrons, and how to identify, you would definitely face challenges.

To score an A for O Levels Chemistry, is very easy, and you just need to do your work on a daily basis. Take the next 8 days, focus on doing well in your basics, in the first 8 chapters (or up until Atomic structure, depending on which text you are using). Upon completion of this part, you can be sure of easier path ahead in your studying of Chem.

Now, if you are keen to know how you can guarantee an A for your Chem, drop me a message here.

Ken Koh is the Co-Trainer and Consultant of the highly successful Super Teens Holiday Camp and Smart Kid Training workshop. He has positively impacted the lives and personally coached over 15,000 students from Singapore, Malaysia, China and Indonesia. Ken is one of the rare few in Singapore to be personally trained and coached by Dr Ernest Wong. For more information, please visit www.learningmastery.com.

Success Without Fulfilment Is Failure.

2008-04-22T08:51:00.000-07:00

Recently, one of my students came up to me, and gave me a note that really means so much to both him and me. While I can't share with you about the contents of the letter, I can only say that it sets me thinking about, "how we can live a full life?"

As the saying goes, "It is not the number of breaths you have, but the number of breath taking moments you have."

And this is so true. We have heard about this before that just before we die, we will see our own life flash before our eyes. While that cannot be proven, I believe that it is not our whole life, BUT RATHER, special moments in our life that will appear instead. Moments that have a strong significant emotional meaning.

It could be the day when you took your first step, first fall, first crush, first kiss, heartbreak, loss of a dear one, gain of a new one, hurt, tears, joy, ecstatic moment, etc. Those, I believe, are the moments which you would see. (From hereon, I shall use moments for ease.)

Moments are important to us. It can be likened to the quality of the life we have. It can determine the state we are usually in. It is your life!

And interestingly, if you read my previous articles, you would know that we can create the types of moments we want in our lives. For this article, I choose to guide you to use moments to create a more fulfilling life for yourself.

So, if you want to live with lesser regrets (heck, it is IMPOSSIBLE to have zero regrets), all you need to do, is follow these steps.

1) At the end of each day, spend 15 mins recalling the Moments of the day.
2) Write them out in your Moments Book.
3) Detail it, clearly describing your feelings, the special emotions you encountered.
4) Give gratitude, and say thanks. From the bottom of your heart.

That's all! That's all your need to do for a more fulfilling life. You can be assured that by the end of a week, you will get a momentum to want to do more for life. By the end of the month, you will feel a refreshed outlook towards your own life. And by the end of the year, you will find that you have had a great year and looks forward to a even better year ahead!

Remember, Success Without Fulfilment Is Still Failure...You only deserve your best.

Power To Change.

2008-04-09T06:29:00.000-07:00

Dear friends.

Something that I learnt today which I felt I must share. One of the biggest reason to make positive changes in yourself is simply just...Being Honest To Your Self.

The changes I am talking about refers to every aspect of life. But for the ease of explanation, I shall use fitness.

Say, there is this one person who is obese, fat, with arteries clogged to its ream and suffering from all sorts of ailments like heart pain, breathlessness, high blood pressure, dizziness, etc. While this person may not have deliberately caused himself to be in this state, you can be sure of one thing, deep down inside this person, would there be a part of him that is unhappy and depressed about the current state. A part that wants to change, but just "can't". (Note, the "can't") That's human nature. We just can never accept ourselves to be in such a state (or at least, when we choose not to avoid it.)

Now, for most who are in such a state, they usually end up in a vicious spiral. They get upset or frustrated, suffers from even more rejections from society/self, and more hurt/pain. So what happens, they seek solace and temporary escape through eating food, resulting in them getting fatter. And the situation just gets worse and worse. (Hey, trust me, this happens. I was like that once. That, is a story to be told in future. :D)

If intervention is not done immediately, this person would really be in trouble. BIG TROUBLE.

So, what is the best way for this person to start to WANT TO CHANGE, is simply. You may even laugh at what I am about to say. But it is really that SIMPLE.

It is simply HONESTY. Honesty with self.

All this guy needs to do is strip (YES, STRIP) himself in front of the mirror and look at every part of his body that he has been avoiding all these while! Now when I say look, I mean, literally SCRUTINIZE to the finest details. The enormous thighs, flabby arms, double chin, 2 thickly -layered waist line (that makes the michelin tyre mascot pale in comparison) and not to mention the sagging breasts. Imagine, what sort of emotions would this man go through? This guy would most probably break down, cry his heart out and finally want to do something about it.

Of course, this is just the first part. There are alot that this guy needs to do, BUT, he will never be the same again. He will finally want to do something about it. No more avoidance, no more lying to himself, no more built up anger, no more hurt but FORGIVENESS. Yes, forgiveness.

That is the first most important step.

If you ever want to make a change in your life, be it in your relationship, health, finances...First be honest with yourself.

When was the last time you looked into mirror of honesty?

Sincerely,
Ken Koh

Delayed Gratification

2008-04-01T05:32:00.000-07:00

Dear all, This is an article which I gathered from Wikipedia. It is about Delayed gratification. Please read it first.
"The marshmallow experiment is a famous test of this concept conducted by Walter Mischel at Stanford University and discussed by Daniel Goleman in his popular work. In the 1960s a group of four-year olds were tested by being given a marshmallow and promised another, only if they could wait 20 minutes before eating the first one. Some children could wait and others could not. The researchers then followed the progress of each child into adolescence, and demonstrated that those with the ability to wait were better adjusted and more dependable (determined via surveys of their parents and teachers), and scored an average of 210 points higher on the Scholastic Aptitude Test.

Another famous impulse control test is the "gift delay," in which children were shown a nicely wrapped gift but told they must complete a puzzle before opening it. Researchers then calculated a "delay score" based on how long the kids hold out. When independent examiners interviewed the test subject years later, they found that boys who had not delayed were "irritable" and that the girls were "sulky." In contrast, the patient boys were "attentive" and the girls "competent."

Isn't that interesting? The fact is, please understand that Delay Gratification is a trait which is proven to help one succeed in life. And more importantly, know that it is also a trait which we can develop in ourselves.

How to do that?

Possibly one of the best way to develop this is just focus on the process and enjoy it. Whichever tasks which is given to us, whatever job we are given, focus on the process and just simply make it enjoyable. Chances are, the outcome will be what you wanted initially, or better.

Isn't there a time in your life, where you worked really hard for something, completed the tasks (delaying the reward), and when you finally accomplished it, the celebration and joy is simply just ecstatic? Well, that is also part of D G. The reward is much more heart felt and remembered.

So, practice this. You will see a great difference in your life.

For students, this is possibly what you need to do now. Just delay playing the computer games for a few days (or a few months), just delay chatting on the MSN chat, just delay going out with your friends for movies, just delay your bad habits. You will find that, the results at the end will be more than worth it!

Simply note, if you can do something like Studies, Discipline yourself for this 6 months (til your final year), you can be sure that you will DEFINITELY be able to achieve great results in life!

Superteen And Smartkids - We Are Recruiting!

2008-03-28T23:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, you read it correctly. The dynamic, passionate and superb team is looking to hire trainers. So, if you are looking to join us or have friends who wants to impact the lives of teens, children, parents and work adults, here's your chance!

But note, we do have strict criterias. So, if you have the following, then we want to meet you!

Superteen and Smartkids Trainers/Consultants (Part time/Freelance)

Secondary or Primary School Teachers, current or retired, who wants to create an additional income
Tutors who are familiar with the education syllabus
Creative, Caring and Passionate Individuals who enjoys the fun of working with children and teens
Flexible working hours (Btn 2 - 12hrs over the weekends, depending on your own schedule)
Attractive Offer
Preferably aged between 20-35 years old

Interested? Please send your resume and CV to ken.koh@learningmastery.com.

Or you can visit www.learningmastery.com for more information.

So, if you are ready to create an impact in the next generation, let's meet!

Problems Are Challenges That We Can Choose To Love.

2008-03-27T07:18:00.000-07:00

I must say that the last two weeks have been wonderful, great and simply superb. The students from Coral Sec have really reinforced my passion and love for training with their new found dedication and drive for the future. These students are simply wonderful and adorable.

BTW, if you have any photos, please send to my email. I would like to post a few shots here. Thanks!

Anyway, to ALL coralites, while life will pose many challenges to you and it may seem daunting at times, I just want you to read the following real life story.

>>>A man asked the champion body builder, "How did you train your muscles to be so huge?". To which, his reply was, "Do you REALLY want to know or are you just asking?" "Yeah, I really want to know." With that, the champion flexed his huge right bicep, and with a serious look in his eyes staring down at the man, he replied, "See this? Everyday, I push my muscle against resistance. And as I push myself against more and more resistance, I commanded my muscle to expand by demand. This muscle is the result of pushing against resistance."<<<

Well, some of you may be lost by now. Don't be. Let me help you understand.

Challenges (I prefer challenges to problems) in life are resistance that makes us strong, if we choose to push against them. Challenges are life's way of making us grow, let us learn, to be wiser, to be better. Challenges are life's way to excite us and surprise us. Challenges are our allies. Challenges are GREAT!

Talk about mental shift, huh. But, that's true (or so I CHOSE to believe).

So, how do see your challenges as? Your choice. :)

Father's Love...A Must Read

2008-03-21T07:29:00.001-07:00

Dear friends,

First of all, thank you all for spending your precious time in my site. As you know, I aim to provide as much resources as I can to support you in your pursuit towards your dreams, towards living the extraordinary life your truly deserve and to realise your purpose in life. While I can't give you everything, I would definitely do my very best.

For this post, I would like to present to you a gift. A gift of love. I would sincerely ask that you watch the below video and experience the POWER of a father's love for his son, and a son's determination to lead an extraordinary life. I would like you to see how Rick Hoyt has given his all and MORE to his disabled son and in the process, touching the lives of millions all over the world. For more information, you can visit this site :

http://www.teamhoyt.com/history.shtml

If you can't see it here, Copy and paste this link in your address bar. http://www.youtube.com/v/flRvsO8m_KI&hl=en

After the video, please take some time to also realise that our own parents have done the same for us all this while. Our own parents have always offered unconditional love to us. Think back, and you will know this is true.

So, remember this. Never stinge nor shy away from expressing your love to them. NEVER. Don't wait until it is too late and you start to have regrets.

Forgiveness...Forgive yourself first, before others.

2008-03-15T21:08:00.001-07:00

This is a posting that is based on a topic given to me by one of my students who is now studying in Aussie. So here goes.

This could be the easiest and also the hardest thing that we can ever do in our life, whether is it to forgive your loved ones, your friends, colleagues, or even family members.

Why Easiest? Easiest because if it simply a choice that we can make. Hardest because it deals with our emotions and feelings.

BUT, forgiveness is possibly one of the greatest gift we have been bestowed upon. Through forgiveness, we gain freedom and empowerment. We are able to let go of all negative emotions and achieve even great results.

So, what is forgiveness? It is the willingness to forgive. So what is to forgive? There are many meanings given in the dictionary, but I like this one the most. It is "to cease to feel resentment against".

Yes, to forgive is to be able to let go of any resentment towards anyone, anything or any event. To let go of the hate, anger and bitterness. To let go of the negative.

Why is this important? Well, let me give you a simple example.

Imagine there is a person X. X holds alot of hate, resentment and anger towards Y. X feels the pain, shame, hurt and sorrow about it. While Y, who is totally clueless, feels totally indifferent towards X. Now, who is at the losing end?

In most cases, who gets hurt the most? (No prize for guessing, X of course.)

Stupid, you might say, but isn't that the truth about most of us? Most of the time, we are inflicting the same pain or damage to ourselves, either knowingly and unknowingly. So, aren't we the stupid one.

So, why is it that we find it so hard to forgive at times? The reasons are many. But the main reason is simply because of the way we view (context of) the event that happened.

Context would simply mean the way we look at the situation and thereafter, giving the situation a meaning.

Say when someone is betrayed (be it in business, love, friendship), that someone can "choose" to view the betrayal through the context that it is bad. He/she may see it as a breach of trust and having believed in the wrong person.

BUT, another person who have gone through the same situation could view it from a context that it is good. He/she may see it as a moment of truth where the true colours are seen and that he/she can move on to a better and more fulfilling life ahead with other more deserving people.

One real life example that I can give is the story of Mr Dave Peltzer. If you have read his books (The child named "it", or the Lost Boy), you would know that he has had a terrible terrible childhood where he was tortured, mentally, physically and emotionally by his "MOM". Yes, the one person that all of us would usually trust and love the most. But for him, his mom was the one person that has inflicted the most pain (such as making him eat feces, starving him, suffocating him, depriving him of sleep, oh, and almost killing him with a knife).

Imagine, what most people would do in his situation? Suicide? Destructive life of drugs, self mutilation, alcohol and hurt? Causing hurt to others? That would be the usual...if we choose to see it from "everyone's" context.

For Dave (though it did take a long while), he chose to pick himself up and move on. He became a famous author and through his training seminars, talks and books, he has impacted the many lives of those who needed help! Talk about looking through things from an entirely different context and giving it a different meaning.

So, as you can see, it is the same situation, but the different context and meaning that is given that makes one feel hurt or not.

The key is, CHOICE (if you paid attention earlier, you should know about this by now. hehe. :P). Where does this choice reside in? You! Where does this POWER of choice lies in? ___ (Please fill in the blank yourself).

You have always the choice to see things the way it is. Hard as it may seem, but you do. There are many ways to do it, and most importantly is, once you learn how to, you suddenly have a sense of empowerment and control over your own life. you will realise that all these while, you have always been blessed and loved.

Always remember, you deserve the best in life. You deserve more love. Your deserve great friends. You deserve a great career. You simply DESERVE. So, why not love yourself just a little bit more?

P.S

I can share with you alittle more about how to choose the context and meaning of every situation in your life in the near future. For now, let me just give you one simple "trick":

When you feel "hurt" or any negative feeling. Dissociate yourself from yourself. Imagine that you are now a director of your own life, looking at yourself, the people around you, the person who has "hurt" you and the things around you. Look at yourself from this "third" person's view. Do you notice that your negative feelings are lessened or even negated?

Once you are able to do this, start to look at and focus on the "positive" of the situation, such as the lessons learnt, the growth that you have achieved, the revelation of truth in the situation, the discovery of a new you, etc etc. All the good. Focus on those. How does that feel? Chances are, you would feel much better. How to continue from hereon, I will share with you some other time. Just use this simple exercise to get yourself on trck first, so that you can start to think more "logically" and not feel so bad about things. Get yourself out of the "state" first and soon, you find that you have more solutions around you.

Great Start To 2008! And All Years To Come!

2008-03-11T07:59:00.000-07:00

Good day to all again. It has been almost 8 mths since I last blogged.

So here goes.

Update about what I had been doing over the past half year or so.

I have had a great 2007 (even with the challenges) and grown alot too. Physically, I am feeling great and have managed to achieve some wonderful results. :) In my work, I am on track and growing fast. Moving into the next level and in the process of getting two books out, one of fitness, the other on the training I am doing with Ernest. At home, all is well, and my folks are getting along fine (other than the sometimes quarrels and frustration, things are still going strong).

For 2008, I am looking forward to it. With the many challenges faced by the world, I am sure more opportunities will arise. And I am sure, this year will be great. :)

As a start of my series of writeups, I would like to just take this opportunity to thank a few people. My parents, my siblings for their support. My mentor, Shifu and boss, Ernest, for giving me the chance to grow and come back into the team. My colleagues too.

Which brings me back to this, when was the last time we have shown our gratitude and love to those around us? When was the last time you looked at your friends, relatives, parents and told them how much they mean to you? If it has been a long while, this would be a good time.

Start your year with gratitude, and I am sure, the whole year will be great for you.

No Man Will Change For The Better Until They See The Need For It!

2008-03-10T20:57:00.001-07:00

"No Man Will Change For The Better UIntil They See The Need For it.

A fine quote from the greek philosopher, Socrates. And truly, words of wisdom it is.

Most of us, if not all, have had experience where we didn't do anything to change something, until the last minute when it is almost too late to change.

Let me give you some of the more extreme examples.

Be it smokers who finally decide to quit after they found that they have Cancer, or be it drinkers who finally decide to stop after they fo

und that they have liver problems, or be it drug abusers who finally decide to throw away the needle after they lose everything. Or be it people who finally decide to change after they almost lost their marriage, relationship or their loved ones. (of course, the less critical examples would be students who study at the last minute or pushing your work until the last moment before the report is due. :P) BUT THESE ARE THE LUCKY ONES. These people actually changed before it is too late. Most people don't even get the chance to. Actually, it is more like, MOST PEOPLE DON'T EVEN GIVE THEMSELVES THE CHANCE TO! (In case you didn’t notice, KEYWORD IS GIVE! :P)

Most people Blame, Give Excuses and Justify for their being in such a sad state. When they smoke, they blame peers whom influenced them to do so. When they drink, they give excuses that it is the stress from work and society that pushes them towards such vice. When the take drugs, they justify that it is their right to destroy their own body. These people have decided they don’t have the power to change, they have decided that they don’t have the choice and that they were born like that. The worst of the lot, are those that are in DENIAL. They claim to enjoy doing all those things while knowing all the hazards it brings. But the sad truth is, these people have already GIVEN UP. These people have already deprived themselves of their power, the power to choose.

(Maybe,my new quote should be, “MOST PEOPLE DON’T CHANGE FOR THE BETTER UNTIL THEY ARE DEAD…”.)

Once these people give up the power to choose, they have already given up on themselves completely. They accept the “fact” that life leads them, and not them leading life. They accept the “fact” that circumstances controls them, and not them controlling the circumstances. They accept the “fact” that the world is unfair. Isn’t this just sad?

Well, it is. Unfortunately, this happens all too often. I am sure you have seen people around you who are like that. I am sure you even have friends who are like that. I am sure that you are hurt as well.

But I am even sure that you can do something about it. The only question is to ask, “HOW?”.

Keen to find out? If you bug me enough, then I will write another blog. The only clue I can give for now is the power lies partly in you.

How to recover from a broken heart?

2008-03-10T20:49:00.000-07:00

Why is it that many people, after a major break off often starts with crying their hearts out, becoming a nervous wreck, self mutilations, getting themselves drunk all night, losing sleep, hating themselves, etc. Some worse cases will get themselves into another relationship (REBOUND) and get into the same mess over again, afterwhich, start to lament how life is unfair to them, yada yada.

The truth to this is that, some of these people enjoy getting hurt and enjoy hurting themselves. Some enjoy the self pity part, or getting pity from others. Some just enjoy being the Victim. So, the chinese saying goes, "Ren Shi Jian De" or directly translated "Man/Woman is Cheap" (being fair to both sexes.:P), does state some truth about us.

But is that something that we should deal to ourselves? Is it really true that we are cheap as the saying goes? Well, the answer is of course, NO! To be honest, other than those whom are psychologically unstable or into Sado Machoism (SM), enjoy inflicting pain to themselves, the reason why so many of us hurt continually hurt ourselves in such a manner is simply because, WE DO NOT LOVE OURSELVES ENOUGH.

You may disagree, saying "yeah right". But it is true. Imagine this. Someone comes to your house, knocks on your door, and as you open the door, that person just gives your one tight slap on your face. What is the natural thing to do? Of course, you retaliate. You would either chase that person out, call the police, or beat the stuffing out of that person. Simply because, you know that you don't deserve to be treated like that, by that person. You love, treasure and respect yourself.

But those whom disregard, do not care about and not love themselves, would probably think that they deserve it, maybe it was something did that caused them to be in such a plight.

Now, shifing the scenario to relationships. You meet someone, that someone slowly opens you up to getting to know you better, and then he/she "slaps" you by leaving you. So what should be the natural thing to do? Again, you should retaliate. But in this case, the way to retaliate is of course, not to beat up the person (maybe you should), or take revenge (maybe you should too. If you are keen to learn the ways to exact revenge, mail me for more infor...hahaha, I am quite a genius at it.). If you truly love yourself, you know that you should take measures to prevent such "intrusions" again, as well as to get yourself healed properly. And of course, to find someone special that can protect you in future.

But in the case of people whom do not love themselves, or simply disregard themselves. Most probably, they would start to think, "Maybe I deserve to be treated this way?", "Maybe I did something wrong?", or worse still, "I think I deserve to be hurt more." These are people whom simply do not love themselves. And they end up hurting themselves even more by shutting their doors forever, repeating the "slap" in their mind again and again like an old movie, feeling the sorrow time and time again. They feel shiok like this.

So it all boils down to one thing, whether do we love ourselves or not. If we love ourselves, Hurt can be easily overcome. If we don't, Hurt will continue to haunt us until we finally learn to love ourselves or until we die. That's why, what I am going to suggest, for people whom are broken hearted, WILL ONLY WORK, if you have learn to love yourself. If not, please enjoy being in your current state.

Now, let's move on to overcoming failed relationships.

1) Firstly, SET A DATE FOR YOU TO STOP FEELING SAD AND BAD. We will all feel sad, after a failed relationship. No one can escape that. Even animals can't, lest to say humans with their abundance of feelings and emotions. So, IT IS ALRIGHT to feel hurt, sad and bad. The only key difference here is, you must set a date to stop it all and MOVE ON. But of course, set a realistic date. If you tell yourself things like, "Yes, I will allow myself to feel this way for another 10 years." Then please, use a knife and bleed yourself to death. Or better still, Cut your arteries, Tie a plastic bag over your head, Hang yourself off a rope and jump off the cliff at the same time.

2) Write down all the good points about yourself. Write down your successes, your past achievements, your great character traits, even small little things like learning to tie your shoe laces on your own when you were 5. All those things will add up to create a positive feel about yourself. And building up that love bank in your heart, to start loving yourself. Of course, do not overdo it til the point you get conceited and start bragging about how you overcame your fear of using the toilet bowl for the first time when you were 3.

3) Interact with positive people. They will listen to your problems, and tell you all the positive things. Like, yah, it is his/her loss (which is really true, you are a great person), he/she don't deserve you, you will find a better person in future. Now, positive energy will draw out positive energy, vice versa. And you will feel good too. Imagine yourself hanging out with another person whom just broke off. I believe you two can flood one olympic swimming pool with your wailing and tears. Or will be contemplating suicide together.

4) Get involved in sports. Healthy body, healthy mind. But more importantly, sports helps you to focus better and get a better perspective of things. Do Jogging, Cycling, or simply working out at the Gym. It helps. It also gets your mind off things, and when you see how beautiful your body is getting after all the workout, you would be confident. And most probably, you would start laughing and say, "HAHAHA, see how beautiful I have become after you left me.".

5) Do not tell yourself negative things like, "I will never fall in love again" "I hate the opposite sex" "I am just not fated to find the right person", etc. This is a very important part. Allow me to explain.

Imagine a your feeling and heart as the CORE. Once in a while, some HURT will happen and leave a marks on your CORE. But if you let your CORE rest, and expose it to NATURE, it will gradually heal. This is natural.

But when you start to say negative things as stated above, what you actually did was to built a WALL around your CORE. True, it does protect your CORE from other HURT in the future. But also because of this WALL, your CORE do not get exposed to NATURE, and what happens is, the marks will keep renewing itself because HURT is locked up too. Unable to escape, HURT will keep leaving marks on your CORE.

Until you finally demolish the wall, will you be able to let HURT out and let NATURE in.

DEEP AH. Don't understand, mail me.

Below are the prevention measures.

6) REFLECT ON YOURSELF. If you are involved in failed relationships, You should start looking inward too. 50% of the reason for the failure arises from you. To some, 100% of the problem arises from them. Relationships are started because of certain reasons. And if the reasons are kept strong, and renewed, the relationship would last. But if the reasons are weak, the relationship would be problematic. So, look inward and learn from your mistakes. Relationships fail for a reason. It is so that you can learn to make sure the next one works.

Well, the conclusion is this. As long as we love ourselves, any method would work in supporting us to getting over this "crisis" called a failed relationship. If you do not know how to love yourself, how can you even talk about loving others?

The More People Knows, The Less They Know

2008-03-10T03:42:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting to write about this topic for a long time now. This has been bugging me for a long time and with the increasing number of dumb people around, I think I better do something that is within my control to stop it! Well, if you are reading this, and you find that it is so true (of course it is), please ask your friends to read it too. Let's make this world a better place. :)

First of all, I must say that people nowadays are much "smarter" in the past. They are clearer about their choices in life, they are higher educated, they are knowledgeable, they know how to carry themselves properly, they are up to date with current technology. Cool ah.

(Smart readers would know that I am leading to somewhere.)

BUT WAIT! Even though they know all these, they are still doing even dumber things than people in the past?

For example, they all know about the hazards of smoking, but more and more people are smoking now. They all are better educated about legal offences, but they are still doing it, some for FUN. They all know the effects of once or twice a week binge drinking, but more and more people are doing it. They all know the possibilities of venerable diseases, but more and more people are involved in casual sex. They all know about the dangers of drugs, but more and more "hippies"/"chiongster"/"clubbers" (I call them dumb and dumber) are taking them. They all know the possibilities of credit cards and its "power", but more and more people are becoming bankrupt because of it. They all know about the important things they need to do to make a relationship work, but we see more and more heart aches and broken marriages.

Are we truly evolving or devolving (can someone help me check if there is such a word? Thanks. ;D)?

So isn't it true? The more they know, the dumber they become. (I keep using THEY, because I don't want be to associated with them. haha. :P Disclaimer.) No matter how fast our technology progresses, how good our medical sciences become, how good our financial institutions are at managing wealth, how farsighted our government is (let's face it, even if some of you don't like it, our government is good and has kept many of our singaporean idiots out of trouble), no matter how good things will, it will still be useless when handled by the stupidity shown by these people.

So please, SEE THIS AH!!! Stop all this shit. In yourself and in your friends.

(Another disclaimer : shit is not a vulgarity, it is simply a product of our digestive system. So, if you are offended, what I can suggest to you is that, stop shitting for the rest of your life. Cos if you think shit is vulgar, then you have been spouting vulgarities from your anus since you were born)

We are all sensible enough to know right from wrong. To know what is good and bad for ourselves. And to do what is required. We can do all these, as long as we remain strong and firm in our own beliefs. It is what we call, Discipline. In any case, Discipline means Doing something that you don't like, but when it is done, it brings benefits.

We can instill discipline in ourselves. Simply by believing in ourselves, and believing in doing what is right for ourselves and those whom love us. Once you have this, peer pressure lah, societal norms lah, social status lah, "fun" lah, will be a thing of the past.

The tests would come in the form of what goes on in your daily life. Whether you would be able to place your feet on firm righteous grounds. Whether you are able to reject the next stick of cigarettes. Whether you are able to know the difference between social drinking and a competition of the merlions. Whether you are able to remain unwavered under peer pressure to try out drugs for fun. Whether you are able to know your own financial limits and not overspend, knowing your needs from your wants (a mobile phone may be a need now, but chasing after the lastest model of mobile phone that functions like a swiss army knife is a want!). Whether you are able to withstand the temptations around you, and be true to your love ones.

It is all a matter of whether you are able to or not. My faith in people is that, they all can. And I know you can too. :) So, please be a positive energy to this world. It is already in a battered state, so the least we can do, is to STOP the damage we deal to it and the people on it. :) Thanks ah.

The Right One For You Is The One You Love And Loves You Back

2008-03-10T02:51:00.000-07:00

Time to do some writing. So here goes.

Once in a while, we hear people asking happy couples, how did you know that he/she was the one for you? Though they are happily together, most of them simply dunno why too. So, I decided to make full use of my time thinking about this while driving today. And here's what I feel.

You know that someone is the ONE for you when, you love that person and that person loves you back. haha. This may sound like another nonsensical banter from dear old me again, BUT if you think about it, it is true.

In our lives, there are times, when we love someone, that person don't love us back. Or when someone loves us, but we don't love that person back. It was always like, meeting the wrong person at the wrong time. BUT, I choose to see it as, learning to know the right person from the wrong.

The right person is not the one that you fall deeply in love with. Instead, the right person is the ONE that you fall deeply in love with and deeply loves you back too. That's the ONE. But, that's also the hard part.

To be honest, even I myself find that this article is strange. The only part I found sensible was, my answer to my friend. Whether you get it or not, I still wish you all the best, in your love life.

Au Voir.

Desire Vs Love

2008-03-10T00:47:00.000-07:00

Now, today's topic was concocted again, while I was riding. Desired Vs Loved. Hope you all enjoy it.

Alright, allow me to admit this beforehand. I have desire for people's affections, care and concern. Meaning, when people shower attention, concern on me, I feel great. I believe that everyone has this desire too. The desire to be taken care of, once in a while. But that's where the issue is, for ladies at least.

Ladies, all guys would desire you, be it physically, or in terms of companionship. During this period of time, the guys would treat you really well, and want to be really close to you. BUT, do not mistake this for love. This is just desire. There is a vast difference between the two. And many a times, girls get hurt because they get confused between the two. Why is it that, so many girls get hurt, after falling so deeply in love, and when they finally give their body and soul to the guys, the guy break their hearts by leaving? Reason is simple, the guy's desire has been satisfied.

For most guys, going after girls is like a conquest. Able to go after a girl, win the lady's heart, conquer the body, all these are like conquest to these guys. Once they are able to do it, once they have achieved their objectives, they feel bored and wants to find another peak to conquer. And that's why things change, they become cold towards you, ignore you, don't listen, and breaks your heart into a million pieces. To them, they feel nothing, to you, it feels like eternal pain. To them, you have already given what they want, you have already satisfied their desires. They didn't love you at all. They simply desire you.

But why do girls fall for such traps? Reason being, the feeling of being desired blinds them. Feeling wanted, and feeling that you belong. A lot of us have this experience. When a person keeps seeking our attention, keeps showering us attention, but we find it irritating. BUT, when that person suddenly stops, you feel weird. Haha. Well, that's why I mean by feeling desired. Cos, we love that once in a while. BUT note, that's not LOVE. You are just being desired, and most of the time, physically.

That's why, GIRLS, please open your eyes. Don't be a stupid piece of equipment which guys use. Don't be a freebie where guys can simply take advantage of. Do learn how to protect yourselves. Though, I know that guys do get hurt too, but, usually, the girls lose out more. Oh, basically, I only crapped, but didn't really give any helpful suggestions. Well, here are some of what I feel may help.

1) When a guy is in love with you, your company, your chats, your conversations are more important than getting you to do "something else".

2) The way the guy looks at you will be different. The eyes will focus on you and only on you. The eyes do not wander to others around. The eyes are a little dreamy when looking at you. Shy at times too.

3) He suddenly becomes alittle shy infront of you. Starts to be a little protective, not possessive. Worries for you over small little things too.

4) Trust your feelings. If there is something that your feel wrong, you are probably right. In this book, Blink, we all have the ability to sense things in the first 5 seconds we sees the person. Trust that sense, it works.

Alrighty then. Enough of my nonsense. Wonder what kind of complaints I may get. But do give your feedbacks.